This evening I went with my good friend Mr. Watkins to The George Pub in Bathhampton. The plan was to meet him at the train station where we would then get a taxi to the pub.

On the way to the station I came across some England fans who appeared to have had more than enough to drink over the afternoon. They had left a trail of destruction, mainly smashed beer cans all the way down the street, they then started a fight with some random bloke near the bus stop. I’m not sure whether the man was a fellow thug or not, I thought it wise NOT to get involved. Anyway, they were all a group of twats who had probably had their passports confiscated by the police. I just hope that morons like that don’t make it through the net to Germany as they’ll give the country a bad name.

After the bus journey I met Mr. Watkins at the station where we then headed for the taxi rank to acquire transport to the pub. A taxi pulled up with a strange looking driver. Now what do you do in this situation? It’s obvious you want a taxi as you’re in the queue but you don’t want to come across as rude by turning down the driver solely upon looks, so we climbed aboard.

The taxi driver can only be described as a cross between Uncle Albert from Only Fools and Horses, Greengrass from Heartbeat and a tramp, in fact he wouldn’t have looked out of place on a street corner in a pool of piss with a begging bowl.

The driver started talking random shit to me. I didn’t know how to answer him. I had to give some response though, if I didn’t maybe he would have killed me. He did seem a nutter, I found myself nodding, saying “yes” and agreeing to whatever he said.

Now, I know you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover but this driver was dodgy. Some of his offences included jumping red lights, slagging off other drivers and using foul profanities (he even used the C word). Still, jumping the traffic lights saved me money on the taxi fare so I won’t post his ID number on here, after all I wouldn’t like to see the man sacked.

We then arrived at The George, a lovely pub, especially in the summer where you can sit outside by the canal. The menu was of high quality, no typical pub food rubbish – I think it would even get the thumbs up from Gordon Ramsey. Even with all the posh nosh I still went for sausage and mash (done to an exceptionally high standard mind you).

After the food we sat outside as it was a perfect evening. Some little kid was running around, feeding the ducks, getting in the way of bikers and generally pissing off his parents, it was actually quite funny! The child’s parents were not impressed and kept on at the lad throughout the evening telling him that he is annoying everybody. In fact the only people he was annoying was them, he was causing everybody else entertainment.

I seem to remember when I was a small child my parents told me to behave in public places and stop irritating others. Thinking about it now, I probably wasn’t pissing everyone off, the only people I was annoying was my parents who had to put up with me 24/7!

Later on a terrible family turned up. You know those families on Wife Swap? You cannot believe one group of people can be so foul mouthed, thick and common – they must be actors employed by Channel 4. I can now confirm that these families do actually exist and they were at The George this evening.

The wife had a face like it had been smashed with a baseball bat, one of the side teeth was so misaligned it was almost coming out of her cheek. The others were so common they made The Royle Family (note: not ROYAL Family) look upper class.

The teenage kid was obviously set to go the same way as his parents, he showed off his intelligence and caused great amusement for Watkins and I by observing a passenger jet flying overhead “Oh look!” he piped out, “a war plane!”. A war plane! WTF! The only possible person who could use a jumbo jet as a tool of war would be Al Qaeda terrorist trying to hijack it!

A good evening out and proof you don’t need television for comedy, all you need is to go to place there thickos reside and laugh at them!