Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on October 21, 2006 at 9:20 pm in Leeds United with No Comments

Tonight is the lowest moment in my time as a Leeds supporter. In 2004, I watched my beloved club relegated at the hands of Bolton Wanderers. In May, I travelled to The Millennium Stadium to watch Leeds get thrashed 3-0 by Watford. Today is a new low. Leeds lost 5-1 to Luton Town and sit deep within the Championship relegation zone.

After the game, the manager, who isn’t really a manager, just a caretaker, refused to do a press interview. Cunt.

The players are a shambles. They don’t give a shit. As long as they receive their excessive wages in their bank each week, they’re happy. Fuck the fans, fuck the club. Useless cunts.

The chairman, Ken Bates. What a cunt. He may have saved the club from liquidation back in 2005, but looking at the state of affairs this season, I would have taken my chances with the administrators. It now costs over 50% to watch us lose 4-0 to Stoke City than it cost to watch us beat Chelsea 2-0 a few years ago.

The ex-manager, Kevin Blackwell. The self-proclaimed God who should be walking on water. He should be drowned. He supposedly built a team from nothing. He’s left Leeds with a bunch of donkeys not fit for the knackers yard.

I’m not even going to start on the ex-Leeds United board which includes the infamous Peter Ridsdale. All I’ll say is that if karma exists, he’ll choke to death on one of his many pies he feeds into his heavily bloated body and go straight to hell.

If Leeds do not sort this mess out they will be down. Relegated to Coca Cola League One where they will play the likes of Brentford, Carlise, Cheltenham, Leyton Orient, Port Vale and Yeovil fuckin’ Town. If this happens I may kill myself. I am already considering how.

Fuck you Leeds players
Fuck you Ken Bates
Fuck you John Carver
Fuck you Kevin Blackwell
Fuck you Peter Ridsdale
You’re all cunts

… here we come

Posted by sean on October 20, 2006 at 11:56 pm in Work Activities with No Comments

While browsing my computer’s hard drive on a lazy Friday afternoon at work, I found an application containing audio of a bumble bee (a bit like this one ).

I had great fun randomly playing it whenever anybody would walk into the office, causing them to look into the air for flying insects.

To add extra realism, I got a colleague involved and we played the buzzing sound on multiple workstations, making the whole room sound like a live beehive.

Once that particular novelty had worn off, the joke of “There’s a bug inside my computer” cause even further amusement.

As you can probably tell, work wise, my Friday afternoon wasn’t that busy. Or should that be buzzy? I’ll get my coat.

Posted by sean on October 19, 2006 at 10:21 pm in Have I Got News For You with No Comments

Many celebrities have strange fashion accessories. Paris Hilton has a miniature dog in her handbag. Elton John has David Furnish in his bedroom and now it seems that Madonna has a child.

I’ve heard all these stories lately of how Madge flew into a poor Malawian village in her private jet and ordered all the local children to congregate in one place so she could take one home with her. This all seems a little strange to me. The last time a young black boy was purchased this way was during the slave trade hundreds of years ago and more recently when Theo Walcott left Southampton for Arsenal.

Madonna has promised the new child a fantastic lifestyle. That I am not disputing, I am sure that with her wealth she will be able to offer the child so much more than it would receive in the orphanage.

The thing I have a problem with, is what about all the orphans she didn’t pick? Is it simply a case of “Fuck them, I’ve got my baby” Throughout it’s childhood, the baby will no doubt cost Madonna millions of pounds on toys, clothes, lavish birthday parties, bodyguards and nannies. Surely this money could be put to better use funding a larger orphanage and improved care for all the disadvantaged children in Malawian and not just the one lucky enough to catch Madonna’s eye? The whole thing stinks of a publicity stunt and a selfish good deed.

Posted by sean on October 17, 2006 at 10:03 pm in Football, Leeds United with No Comments

Contrary to various reports in the media, I can confirm that Leeds United did not play a game this evening. Any news stories you may read, like this one, are all lies.

My friend Simon informs me that Arsenal did not play either, despite this article appearing on the BBC website.

Vicious rumour starting journalists…

Posted by sean on October 15, 2006 at 9:07 pm in Life In Bath with No Comments

This afternoon Simon insisted that I join him and his allies from last night for a game of football in Victoria Park. Having not played in a while and feeling rather tired, I wasn’t overly keen, yet didn’t dare disobey Simon’s orders and face his wrath.

The game of football was originally arranged at the party where a group of other “sportsmen” gave Simon the impression of being extremely enthusiastic about a kick around this afternoon. This enthusiasm was no doubt brought on by excess alcohol, something that leads to a hangover the following morning. Therefore, unsurprisingly, the previously “wannabe Ronaldinho’s” didn’t “wanna come-out-io”.

Most of the kick around was a rather mediocre affair. Lack of players and lack of passion from those who did manage to drag themselves to the park was about the gist of things. *

The football got better later on when Simon used his magical powers of persuasion (or mental intimidation) to lure two unsuspecting foreign lads and a father and son to join in. I played my David Healy role – wander around the goal and wings, waiting for a good delivery. This did provide a few goals, one of which impressed Simon greatly.

I can’t have been that good however, as I was soon relegated to goalie. I did manage to pull off some saves but also let in a fair few. Still, one thing I can say about my game, I may have been bad, but I wasn’t as shit as the Leeds players yesterday in their 4-0 raping at the hands of Stoke City.

After football we all left exhausted and drove to Garfunkles where we ate like kings. Chocolate milkshake and BBQ Chicken were among my orders and very nice they were too, especially as I was starving from being made to work like a dog all afternoon.

Now Mr. Goater (coach), where’s my £50,000 weekly pay cheque?

* Maybe a tad unfair on my team mates. Lack of passion from myself, yes, but I didn’t originally want to go, so I am excused.

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