Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on June 27, 2010 at 12:15 pm in England with No Comments


This afternoon it is the second round of the World Cup and England take on ‘Ye Olde Enemy ‘ – the Germans.

As we all know, the rivalry between England and Germany dates back many years. In 2001, we beat them 5-1. In 1990 and 1996, they knocked us out of two separate competitions on penalties. In 1966, we beat them in the World Cup Final.

Perhaps England’s most famous victory and memorable triumph over Germany happened over 65 years ago, when we twice destroyed their nation. It was a very proud occasion for England and one we will never forget. It is just a shame The International Tiddlywinks Tournament was abolished soon after, so we have never had chance to beat them at it again.

Oh… I almost forgot the most important bit… COME ON ENGLAND!!!!!!

Posted by sean on June 27, 2010 at 12:10 pm in Animals, Canal Boats, Cider with 1 Comment


After my awful experience with the spider, I went out for the evening to the canal in Avoncliff, just outside of Bath. John was keen to show Simon and me his boat he had been building/renovating for the last 50 years and was now living on.

We went for a relaxing ride down the canal on a lovely summers evening. We would have gone further down the canal towards Bathampton, but a boat decided to come loose from where it was moored and block the whole of the canal. Despite jumping aboard the adrift vessel like Somali pirates, in a bid to try and move it back to where it was once moored, we couldn’t, so turned around and headed back.

While aboard HMS Watkins, we dined like kings, using the very latest disposable barbecue technology to (partly) cook burgers, sausages and kebabs.

Once we had eaten our fair share of cow and pig, we moored up and enjoyed a few drinks, while getting pestered by a local cat. We also discovered a dead badger which had been festering in canal waters just a short distance from John’s boat. It stunk like… well, what you would expect a dead badger to smell like that had been lying in the hot summers sun all day.

Dead, smelly badger in canal

Being very brave, or stupid, John and Simon devised a lasso using just string and a Sainsbury’s bag to remove the dead animal from the waters. Having already eaten, we decided against putting it on the barbecue, so chucked it into nearby hedgerow… again, I was at a safe distance to prevent being splashed with dead badger juice.

Dead, smelly badger about to be cooked

A nice evening. I’m already looking forward to my next voyage, when hopefully we will get a bit closer to Bathampton and not encounter any more dead bodies.

Posted by sean on June 27, 2010 at 11:59 am in Spiders with No Comments


Sorry I have not blogged sooner. I have been in a state of shock, following a major fight in which I could easily have died or been left seriously injured. Friday night, an intruder broke into my flat and attacked me. I managed to defend myself and fend off the threat, but I have been left shaken and emotionally scarred.

I am still awaiting news on when I will receive a George Cross medal for bravery and the manner in which I dealt with the biggest spider to ever enter British shores – I certainly deserve it. Below is a picture of the monster on my sofa, moments before I killed it. Sadly, the sofa was also destroyed by a Molotov cocktail.

Posted by sean on June 23, 2010 at 10:56 pm in England, Have I Got News For You with No Comments


It’s nice to see that the most popular story on the whole of the BBC News website is that Dec (Ant’s mate) missed the England goal. Never mind what evils Barack Obama and David Cameron have planned for us all.

Posted by sean on June 23, 2010 at 10:13 pm in England with 1 Comment


England will beat Germany in the second round on penalties.

England will then conquer Argentina in the quarter final. Jermain Defoe punching the only goal of the game into the Argie’s net, before running over to celebrate in front of a bloated, cocaine-fuelled Diego Maradona.

England will continue their quest into the semi final and face Portugal. Wayne Rooney will get Ronaldo sent off, before leading his country to victory.

Brazil will face England in the World Cup Final and lose to a remarkable Frank Lampard free kick.

Justice well and truly done.

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