I got some Census rubbish through the post today. At first I was tempted to chuck it into the ever-growing pile of junk mail, until I learnt of the threat of legal action if I didn’t complete it and send it back to Dave (Mr. Cameron to those who don’t know him).
If I wasn’t at risk of being sent to prison for fraud and raped in the showers, I would certainly complete the form with a few joke responses.
Question 16 – “What is your ethnic group?”
This is wrong for a start. There is a section to class yourself as a gypsy, but only if you’re white. What if I was Chinese but fancied living in a caravan? There’s no option for that! RACISTS!
Question 19 – “How well can you speak English?”
This is an interesting one, with possible answers ranging from “Very well” to “Not at all”. If you couldn’t speak English at all, chances are you wouldn’t be able to read and therefore complete the marketing scam.
It is tempting to simply write underneath
“ i cant reed and i cant rite but that dont relly mater. cos i come from the west cuntree and i can drive a tracor”
Question 20 – “What is your religion?”
We’ve been there and done that with all the sci-fi geeks putting “Jedi Knight”. God, I hate them. I may put my religion down as “Dark Lord” or whoever it is that kills Jedi’s
The funniest one of all is ‘H9’ “How many rooms are available for use only by this household?”
I love the fact the survey actually tells you that cupboards do NOT count as rooms! Although try telling that to Harry Potter.
Finally, and I know this has been covered on thousands of websites, including Facebook, but what the hell is Question 17 all about? If anyone knows or has any suggestions of what I should do with please let me know.
Tonight’s blog is inspired by Alex Ferguson’s recent treatment of the media.
…
Someone at the Manchester United Megastore get some dummies back in stock quick. Fergie’s clearly lost his.
It was the Bath Half Marathon today. This involves thousands of people running and sweating through the city. It seems incredibly popular and must be great fun… to some people.
I had a bit of a different day. I got up at about 10am. I then had a breakfast consisting of coffee and cake, while watching Match of the Day from last night on my Freeview box.
The rest of the morning was spent on the internet, having another coffee. Lunchtime came, where I cooked some boiled eggs and soldiers, which I ate while watching Liverpool thrash Manchester United.
Who had the better day? I don’t know, but I’m happy.
It came to me a few weeks ago (well I think it may have been party Simon’s observation) that the surname of Blackburn striker, David Hoilett, almost rhymes with the word ‘toilet’.
I would like to make a request to add an entry to The Walford Dictionary of Cockney Rhyming Slang. I’m not sure who I need to contact for this, but if anyone has the telephone number of Barbara Windsor, it’ll be a start.
The rhyming of the word toilet with Hoilett, can be ‘cockneyfied’ to “I’m going to the David!” or “’scuse me, guvnor, where’s your David? I need a Brad Pitt!”
I can see this taking off in markets, pubs and jellied eel factories all over the East End.
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
