Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on January 25, 2015 at 10:14 pm in Wedding with No Comments

It has been another busy weekend of wedding planning. Claire and I went into town yesterday morning, to purchase one of the most important parts of the wedding and the marriage – the rings. We had already decided upon the design, so it was simply a case of discussing the engraving, establishing my ring size (I’m an ‘S’), before parting with a lot of money to pay for them. The order has now been sent to the ring gnomes, who will build it with love, fairy-dust and white gold, before sending them back to the jeweller for us to collect.

This afternoon, we returned to Limpley Stoke Hotel for the second week in a row. Last Sunday we met with our wedding planner. Today, the hotel held a wedding fayre. We have attended lots of similar events over the past 18 months, which were an excellent opportunity to meet suppliers and discuss ideas. Lots of what we need has already been organised, but today gave us the opportunity to see our wedding venue in all its glory and visit the bedrooms where we will spend our first night as a married couple. As you will see, they look very luxurious and are surrounded with breath taking countryside. The bandstand was really nice and will provide some excellent photo opportunities.

After visiting the hotel, we returned to Claire’s parents, where we wrote wedding invitations. If you are coming to our big day, you will shortly be receiving one of these in the post…

Posted by sean on January 24, 2015 at 10:39 pm in Bug Top Trumps with No Comments

Posted by sean on January 23, 2015 at 7:09 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments

If you were looking for a political thesis, unfortunately you have come to the wrong place. Despite the title, this blog isn’t about problems involving David Cameron and his Cabinet Minister colleagues. It is about the difficulties I encountered when building an item of bedroom furniture from Argos.

Claire has had a bedside cabinet for some time. It was mutually decided that I should have a matching one – something to do with the fact we’re soon to be married, but also because since moving into the house, the furniture alongside my bed, used for holding the lamp and clock, has consisted of an old wooden chair and a cheap stool which appears to be made from cardboard.

Therefore, we ordered a cabinet from Argos. It was delivered in a big box, flat-packed. This big box had been sat in our front room since New Year. Earlier this week, we thought it was about time we built the cabinet.

We had been putting off building the cabinet for so long because we thought it would take ages and would be very difficult to put together. We were not wrong. The instructions were so complex, I think only Stephen Hawking or one of the boffins on The Chase would be able to work them out.

It took two nights to build the damn thing. The first evening was spent putting the drawer compartment of the cabinet together. This involved the use of numerous screws, pieces of wood and countless swear words. In the end, we gave up and went to bed. We weren’t being lazy. Had we continued, we would have been building all night and due to tiredness, I would have inadvertently ended up screwing a piece of wood to my head.

Yesterday evening we finished the job. We had Coronation Street on at the same time, where a bus had crashed and was hanging off a cliff. The television therefore distracted us from our building task. This may have been why things went a bit wrong.

I managed to finish building the cabinet. It was frustrating and involved holding half a dozen pieces of wood together, to enable screws and dowels to be attached with exact precision. The penultimate step was to fit the top of the cabinet onto the body. It was then I realised that I had accidentally hammered a wooden dowel into a hole intended for a screw. Oh well, there was another screw. So while it was recommended both sides had screws, the finished product only had one. This meant that the top of the cabinet was loose. If anyone ever lifts the cabinet from the top, it would all fall apart – a bit like my sanity at the time of realising my mistake.

I realised the second problem when I reached the final step of building the cabinet – fitting the drawer to the ‘runner’. This involved attaching a screw to various bits and bobs to prevent the whole thing collapsing like a huge, heavy pack of cards; resulting in a pile of wood and twisted metal. Two screws were provided, only one would work. The reason for this was that I am a tit. Actually, I am not a tit. I am just your everyday man who isn’t a member of Mensa. In short, I misunderstood the incredibly complicated instructions and attached one of the runners the wrong way round.

The cabinet is finished. It is sitting in the bedroom with various personal artefacts adoring its beautiful frame. I use the word ‘beautiful’ in the way Frankenstein may describe his monster. It is an abomination of craftsmanship. If Pinocchio’s creator, Geppetto, was still alive, the sight of my handy work would cause him to vomit with rage.

My greatest piece of work.

These screws were left over. I never did work out what they were for.

Posted by sean on January 20, 2015 at 7:54 pm in Football with No Comments

While listening to the radio ahead of Leeds United’s inevitable defeat to Bournemouth (yes, Bournemouth!), when the pundit used the phrase “they score goals for fun” to describe Leeds’ opponents.

As any football fan will be aware, this is a common saying. Thinking about it, though, I do find it a bit of a strange thing to say. You never hear them refer to a prolific goal scorer as “he scores goals, but doesn’t like to”.

Lionel Messi. Scores lots of goals. Hates doing it.

Posted by sean on January 19, 2015 at 3:46 pm in Wedding with No Comments

Well my plan to blog every day of the year didn’t last long. In reality, it was never going to happen. Given the fact I’m getting married this year and having a honeymoon, I was hardly going to be able to update this site all the time. I can see it now – it’ll be my wedding day and I’d be late at the church, simply because I had been blogging about the fact I found a spider in my shoe. On the honeymoon, instead of taking an excursion to one of the wonders of the world, I’ll be in my bedroom, blogging. I would miss witnessing The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, but at least I would have told my followers (all 2 of them) about that bacon roll I ate for breakfast.

Yesterday was full of wedding related things. In the morning we went to the church, where we will marry, for Sunday Service. It is a beautiful, traditional-looking church, which is hundreds of years old, in a picturesque location within Weston Village, Bath. We couldn’t have found a nicer place.

Claire and I have been planning the wedding for over 18 months, but it is finally starting to feel real. In fact, it is just five months tomorrow that we will tie the knot.

In the evening, we visited the hotel, which will host our Wedding Breakfast and evening reception. I have finally learnt wedding etiquette. Well some of it. At the start of our wedding plans, I thought the ‘Breakfast’ was a meal held before the church ceremony, where the bride and groom would sit around eating a greasy fry up. How wrong I was. For those as uneducated as I was, it is a full course meal, which you eat AFTER the wedding. In fact, we will be eating ours mid-afternoon. The last time I ate breakfast at that time, I was a student.

I was advised by our wedding planner that I should be beginning to write my speech. I have to write a speech. A speech – with words and stuff! How on earth am I going to do that? I was advised that speeches are traditionally 10 minutes in length and not to make it too long. I laughed. There is absolutely ZERO danger of my speech being too long! I am going to struggle to fill a couple of minutes. “Hello, everyone. Thank you all for coming. I hope you have a good day.” I’ll probably just look on Sikipedia for some highly offensive jokes, to alarm any children and adults of a sensitive disposition that may be in attendance. OK, OK, I won’t do that. Probably. Anyone know any Rolf Harris gags?

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