Posted by sean on January 21, 2019 at 9:20 pm in Health with No Comments


Despite being in hospital and dealing with medical dramas, I do not become immune from encountering everyday annoyances.

Here are just some things which have ‘ground my gears’ today. Admittedly, a couple of these are unique to a hospital environment, but most could happen anywhere…

The wrong breakfast
In hospital, you are given breakfast in bed. Not that I have much choice – where else could I eat it? ‘Breakfast on a Bedpan’, doesn’t appeal. Before you all write to the Daily Mail about taxpayers money, treating patients like royalty, the menu is basic – cereal or toast – tea or coffee. The coffee is instant. The bread tastes cheap.

This morning, I was asked a number of times, what I would like to eat. I confirmed coffee, one sugar, in a beaker. White toast, with jam. “No tea? No marmalade?”, asked the breakfast lady. “No, thank you”, I replied.

My breakfast arrived – marmalade on toast and a beaker of tea! At least they got the beaker part right.

The wrong patient
Within seconds of theĀ aforementioned breakfast been placed on my bedside table, a porter arrived in my room. Apparently I was required to have a CT Scan – under doctor’s orders!

At this point, I was yet to notice my brekkie order was wrong. To put it lightly, I was NOT happy. The nurses keep checking that I am eating and drinking properly. How the feck can I do that, when I am carted off, before any food or drink meets my lips?

I realised all was not right, when the porter asked if my oxygen was ready to be transported. Now, I may have a lot of medical requirements, but oxygen cylinders are not one such need. Therefore, either the CT Scanner was underwater, or the porter had the wrong patient. It was the latter. They had walked into the wrong room.

These doors really should have numbers on, or something… just in case the sarcasm didn’t come across then, the doors do!

Born in a Barn
There is a nurse on this unit, who was clearly born in a barn. I wouldn’t describe her as having horsey features, plus she is a good nurse – she is caring, gives me my medication on time and knows what she is doing.

Despite all this, however many times I politely ask her to close my side room door, she almost always leaves it open!

You may think that I am being a little petty, with this moan. However, it ties in very well with my fourth and final gripe…

Noisey Neighbours
The ward where I am staying is not like your traditional unit – with a number of open plan bays, each containing 6-or-so beds.

The majority of the patients on this ward, have their own side rooms – which is lovely. I’d describe them as a university student bedroom. Student accommodation is renowned for being very loud – this place is no different.

Now, there may only be one patient to blame for this, or there could be multiple offenders. Someone, or some people, don’t share the same desire as I do, to keep their room door shut. Fair enough. I’m probably in a minority, over the door issue.

However, if you are one of those patients, who likes to leave their door open, don’t have your television turned up to the maximum volume. So far, this evening, I’ve heard The Chase, the news, what sounded like an entire Harry Potter movie and an episode of Coronation Street.

I thought I would rival my neighbour, and instead of using earphones, while watching videos on my mobile, I played the sound direct from the phone’s speaker. Anyone with a Samsung Galaxy will testify that the mobile can get very loud!

I was enjoying watching the latest Kevin Bridges DVD. It’s standup, but I thought it wouldn’t offend. Granted, Kevin isn’t as cuddly as housewives’ favourites, Russell Howard or Michael McIntyre; but Mr Bridges is certainly no Frankie Boyle.

All was going well until Kevin started ‘effing. He swore a bit more. A lot more. Then he dropped the C-bomb “I’ll kick you in the punt!” – or something along those lines. It was at that point I decided to use my earphones again.

As much as I dislike hospitals, I would quite like my leg fixed, and not to be evacuated from the ward and dumped onto the cold suburbs of Southmead…

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