I’ve mentioned problems with the office lift on here before. However, I do not believe that I have blogged about how slow it is.

The trouble begins before I have even got into the lift cubicle (elevator cab, for my American homies).

The doors to enter and exit the cubicles are made of glass and metal. They are very, very heavy. The gold vaults at Fort Knox can’t be much more cumbersome.

Getting out of the lift is the easy part. I am able to use the front of my scooter to ride into the door, forcing it open – like a battering ram.

Luckily, there is often a colleague loitering downstairs, or on the first floor by the toilets (perfectly innocently), who is kind enough to open the lift door for me.

Once securely inside, I must operate the lift by pressing the ground or 1st floor button. Pretty standard? Wrong. Did I mention that you need to keep your finger on the button for the entire ascent or descent?

Last and by no means least, the lift is also the slowest in the world. It would almost be quicker for me to crawl up and down the stairs.

As I am a saddo/weirdo/geek (delete as appropriate), I timed my lift journey from the ground to 1st floor…

33 seconds!

I wonder how I would cope if I worked in a larger building, which used the same lift…

The recently built One World Trade Centre, in New York, has 104 floors. In case you are not aware, the OWTC was built as a memorial for the World Trade Centre. The top floor of OWTC is a mechanical room, so let’s just say that I need to get to the One World Observatory, on the 102nd floor…

Time to ascend 102 floors = 3,366 seconds. Or 56 minutes and 6 seconds. By a creepy coincidence, 56 minutes is the length of time the original South Tower took to fall, after being hit by Flight 175, on September 11th 2001.

Thankfully my office only has one floor to climb.

What about somewhere closer to home? The Shard in London? I’ve stood at the foot of the building, but am yet to go inside. I like the idea of going to the top floor…

The Shard has 95 floors. Hopefully their lift is better than the one at work, as it would take over 52 minutes to reach the top.

Finally the tallest building in the world. The Burj Khalifa in Dubai. At 828 meters tall, it boasts 154 floors. That’s 85 minutes to climb the tower.

Going up and back down the Burj Khalifa would see you holding onto that floor button for almost 3 hours – resulting in a serious case of RSI. Your visa for Dubai will have probably run out too.

Despite this blog post, I am not really moaning about the lift at work. I wouldn’t be able to get to my desk without it, as I sadly haven’t learnt how to ride my mobility scooter up and down stairs.

I wouldn’t say that the lift is a lifesaver – it moves far too slowly to be of benefit in a matter of life or death – but it is certainly a job saver!