Posted by sean on March 6, 2020 at 6:17 pm in Coronavirus, Have I Got News For You with No Comments


Coronavirus panic appears to have reached new heights. I really don’t know why. It’s not like a mass hysteria has been stirred up…

The resulting panic and way in which the general public are reacting must be a psychologist’s wet dream.

The latest example of this craziness is people visiting supermarkets to stockpile certain items.

It would appear that the most common thing to buy in bulk is soap.

Here is just one of the many photos appearing online of bare shelves, which once contained bottles of Carex and other handwashing products…

Presumably, this is after the recent advice to wash your hands.

As one of the founding members of the ‘Royal Society for the Promotion of Hand Hygine’, I have just one thing to say…

One of the strangest items to be stockpiled is toilet paper…

Why? People do realise what COVID-19 is, right? It’s a flu-like illness and nothing like norovirus, where you will have molten, liquid turds, spraying from your bum, throughout the day and night.

Having had norovirus once in my lifetime, I can vouch that no amount of bog roll is too much for the amount of toxic waste, which you will expel at alarming and frequent rates, from both ends of your body. You’ll feel like you’re dying.

Given my underlying health conditions, I would be considered at risk when it comes to contracting COVID-19; but I would happily take a dose of coronavirus over noro.

That’s not me being arrogant to the dangers of coronavirus, or disrespectful to those individuals unlucky enough to have contracted it.

I know that I have this awful habit of going off on a tangent – all too often on my blog – so, to recap…

People are buying too much toilet roll. Coronavirus does not give you the shits. People are stupid.

Before I wrap this blog post up, I have just one question…

People who didn’t previously wash their hands, are now doing so. As a result, we have a national shortage of soap.

Toilet roll is used to wipe your bum, once you have been for a poo. Given the fact shops have also run out of toilet roll, does it mean that some people have only recently started… I’ll let you finish that question, I’m off to vomit.

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