According to news reports, the covidiots are back – and boy, they are back in their droves!

There are stories of 19 beaches along the south coast being literally rammed with stupid people, desperate to catch some rays in the 37C heat. Go and sit in an oven if you enjoy being burnt alive – and don’t forget to wrap yourself in Bacofoil.

I have even read of families getting to the beach at 3am, to guarantee a good spot.

I am aware how the tabloids are renowned for making stuff up, but in this instance, based upon the past actions of these covidiots, I find all the reports highly plausible.

This photo is apparently of a Bournemouth beach and was taken yesterday. Never mind the risk of contracting the virus, this looks like my worst nightmare. There’s nowhere to move!

I believe that I have a solution to the problem. Instruct the local authorities to put up signs, warning of the dangers of entering the water. Tell every TV news channel and tabloid that there have been sightings of Great White Sharks.

Give it a week or two. If the sign idea doesn’t keep the cretins away, catch a real life Great White. Transport the beast from the Pacific Ocean and release into the English Channel.

I bet Sharky will enjoy the taste of covidiot…

Before anyone from PETA sends me abuse, death threats and pours a bucket of pig’s blood over me, the bit about catching a majestic creature like a Great White is a joke. I am very much in favour of animal rights.

All the other bits of this post, I feel passionate about – including the bit about feeding covidiots to local sea life.

Is it possible for dolphins and seals to develop a taste for human flesh?