You can tell the football season returned this weekend. I turned on BBC Radio FiveLive to hear the 606 football phone in. A Bristol City fan was on, with a West Country accent so broad, it would make Justin Lee Collins sound like Prince William.
The caller was bemoaning his teams 3-0 defeat to Millwall, putting all of the blame onto Bristol City’s new goalkeeper, David James. When the presenter asked the Bristolian if he had seen any of the goals conceded by James, he replied “No. I didn’t go to the game”
This weekend, Danny Baker used part of his Saturday morning radio show to discuss the worst description that can be given to a football club facing difficult times.
Match of the Day recently used the phrase “Hapless Hull” to report on the Humerside Club’s 3-0 defeat to West Ham, while Sky Sports have officially given the name “Beleaguered Portsmouth” to the cash-stripped South Coast side. More famously, all football fans will no doubt have heard of “Roy Keane’s Struggling Ipswich”.
Yet, it was decided by Danny Baker that the one thing nobody wants their football club to be described as is “Sorry”. If a match report uses that word alongside your team’s name, you know you’re in real trouble.
This weekend, Bath City played Weymouth – one of the most famous non-league clubs. Sadly for their supporters, Weymouth no longer have the success they once had and the fallen giants languish at the bottom of The Blue Square South. They are also financially crippled and face a real possibility of going out of business. Last weekend, Weymouth hit a new low, losing 6-0 to Basingstoke.
Therefore, no journalist, pundit or fan would be blamed for calling Bath City’s opponents “Sorry Weymouth”
Despite all Weymouth’s turmoil, Bath City, who are challenging for a place in the play offs, played badly. Top scorer, Darren Edwards, even missed a penalty on the stroke of half time to add to the home fans’ frustration.
Although Bath City didn’t play well, Sorry Weymouth were worse themselves and when City scored 2 goals in as many minutes to win the game, the away team must have felt very, very sorry indeed.
I now hope ‘In-form Bath City’ carry on their push for the play offs, where they could get promoted to the Blue Square Premier – a league full of very strong teams, who could give my own side the ‘Sorry’ title.
Regular listeners to Danny Baker’s radio show on BBC Radio FiveLive, will know those five words should never be issued at a football match, regardless of how well one’s team is performing.
Before tonight, the last time I shouted out the infamous catchphrase, albeit tongue-in-cheek, was during the previous season. Bath City were playing an evening game at Twerton Park against Bishop’s Stortford. It was well into the second half, with the scoreline 2-0 in Bath’s favour. Almost immediately after issuing the cursed cry, ‘Bish’ scored a goal – followed by a further two, winning the match 3-2. To this day, I hold myself responsible for the defeat.
In recent months, I have been tempted to repeat the moto. 5-1 up away from home (again, against Bishop’s Stortford) and even while beating Willand 5-0 in the FA Cup; yet I daren’t make the same mistake twice… until tonight.
This evening, we faced Woking at Twerton. Woking have been doing very well of late and following our own recent exits from both the FA Trophy and Cup, I was less than optimistic of a victory. However, this all changed 10 minutes into the game, when City found themselves 2-0 up.
Halftime and Bath were winning 3-0 and continued their dominance. I then, without a moments thought for the wellbeing of Bath City F.C., issued the words “nothing can go wrong now” – I even texted them to a fellow fan.
This blatant act of stupidly and disregard for an entire football club was mindless on my part. However, maybe the tides on this terrible curse have turned. Maybe there is no such thing as the ‘”Nothing can go wrong now” jinx’. Maybe the Gods mistook me for a Woking supporter. Whatever happened, the game changed – even more in City’s favour…
Woking’s goalkeeper, who will surely be tested by The FA for crack, LSD and WKD come fulltime, made the absolutely hilarious error of kicking the ball directly into one of Bath’s strikers. The forward didn’t even need to move, as he watched the ball hilariously trickle into the open net, giving City an unassailable 4-0 lead. Bath went on to get a 5th, minutes later, putting the game, and the curse, to bed.
I am now making it my one mission in life to inform everyone that it is now OK to use the previously forbidden five words. Football fans everywhere can now throw away their Rosary Beads. The prayer mats can all be left at home. Whenever a manager or coach needs a result from his team, leave the ‘super sub’ on the bench. All everybody needs to do is shout at the top of their voices “Nothing can go wrong now!”
I had a bizarre dream the other week involving 606 presenter Danny Baker, a taxi, a hot air balloon and Inverness.
As part of an ongoing 606 theme, I e-mailed my story into BBC Radio FiveLive and it was read out last night, to the amusement (or should that be bemusement) of Sir Baker and his assistant Izzy. You can listen to my claim to fame here * – 17:43 in.
* for the next six days
Tim Lovejoy. Known for his highly over exuberant and often ridiculous opinions on football (e.g. “Frank Sinclair is the greatest player to have ever graced the planet”)
I made the mistake of listening to his 606 football podcast before bed – big mistake…
Last night I dreamt England won the World Cup. For some reason, the final was being played at Twerton Park.
On this website, you’ll find me blogging (almost) daily about everyday life, living in Bath, working with computers, and the occasional bit of football stuff thrown in.
If you're expecting The Man Booker Prize, you've come to the wrong place. If you want to read a collection of sometimes eccentric, often disturbing and rarely amusing ramblings, gorge your eyes on this.