Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on 15/09/2017 at 8:43 am in Work Activities with No Comments

My colleagues in the neighbouring office are discussing what bird of prey is the easiest to train. 

Posted by sean on 05/09/2017 at 5:52 pm in Work Activities with No Comments

I suffered a terrible accident yesterday. I know that last sentence makes it sounds like I lost a limb. It wasn’t that bad, but not far off. When opening my backpack, to get my lunch, I discovered lots of fluid. I initially thought that my orange had gone mouldy and imploded into itself. What I discovered was a lot worse than a citrus fruit, which had gone bad. My can of cherry coke had exploded. A gaping hole on the top of the can, caused the contents to spill absolutely everywhere.

As I pulled the contents from my backpack, coke spilt everywhere – all over me, all over the desk, all over the floor. A puddle was quickly growing on the carpet, making it look like an elderly relative had paid a visit and failed to make it to the toilet in time. Luckily, all this occurred in my old team’s office, where I decided to eat my lunch that afternoon. Therefore, I avoided upsetting my new team in the neighbouring area.

To get my coke fix, I asked a colleague to buy me a bottle of drink. Remarkably, this was spilt all over my desk. when I knocked it with my arm, later that day. I think from now on I should only be allowed to drink from a baby’s beaker.

Posted by sean on 29/08/2017 at 5:54 pm in Work Activities with No Comments

The water from the taps at work is horrible. It is so clean that you can taste the chlorine. It is like drinking water from a swimming pool, except there is no child’s urine in the nasty chemical cocktail.

I have therefore invested in one of those Brita water filters. I was a tad sceptical at first, but can happily report that my ‘filter in a bottle’ is working wonders removing all the nasty flavours.

The resulting water may not be Evian – I’d have to climb a mountain and collect million year old melted snow to achieve that, but it’s certainly better than a Chlorine Martini.

The filter is a disc, which sits at the top of the bottle. When I change it, in a few weeks, I expect it to be full of chlorine. It’ll be so clean, I could drop it into a urinal, and for it to act like one of those cakes, which attempts to sterilise men’s wee wee.

Posted by sean on 19/07/2017 at 11:23 pm in Work Activities with No Comments

This morning I had a dentist appointment. This appointment involved some minor treatment, and as I don’t enjoy pain, I opted for the anaesthetic.

The procedure went fine and no teeth were removed. I left the surgery £30-something lighter (thank goodness I have an NHS dentist, or it would be even more), and feeling like I had Walls sausages for lips.

I arrived at the office and got on with my work. Within an hour, I began to feel a little light headed. Now, this may be because I stupidly missed breakfast and was then told by the dentist to avoid food for 3 hours. It could also have been the drugs pumped into my gums.

I was hardly tripping my balls off, but I wasn’t all there. This was confirmed when, instead of putting a pile of letters I had just sealed in envelopes, in the post bag, I instead placed into the confidential waste bin, which is locked with a key not on the premises. It’s one of those things that I realised I had done wrong within a second of doing it, but nothing could be done… apart from reprinting and reenveloping all the letters, which is what I did.

I’m never getting high again.

Posted by sean on 20/06/2017 at 5:43 pm in Work Activities with No Comments

I had a bad start to the week. After arriving at work, I headed to the kitchen to put my lunch in the fridge. Upon opening the fridge door, a large bottle of milk literally flew out, as if it was trying to escape.

I looked down at the bottle on the floor, wondering what on earth had happened. Moments later, the lid of the bottle fell off and the entire contents of a previously full bottle proceeded to spill onto the carpet and under the fridge.

Hot weather + spilt milk = a smelly office.

With help from a colleague, the spillage was covered in tissues, which were of no use at all. Our office cleaner kindly did his best to clean up the remainder of the mess.

I sent an email round the department – partly moaning at whoever had placed the milk in the fridge in such a way that it would jump out at whoever had the audacity to open the door, and partly to apologise for having the audacity for opening the door and spilling their milk for the week.

Sean's Stories

On this website, you’ll find me blogging (almost) daily about everyday life, living in Bath, working with computers, and the occasional bit of football stuff thrown in.

If you're expecting The Man Booker Prize, you've come to the wrong place. If you want to read a collection of sometimes eccentric, often disturbing and rarely amusing ramblings, gorge your eyes on this.

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