The ‘Twat of the Day Award’ goes to the bloke who works in my local grocery store.
I bought two packets of Monster Munch crisps for what I believed to be on offer for ‘2 for £1’. Why did I think this? Because there was a sign in front of the shelf on which the Monster Munch were placed, advertising the fact.
Upon paying for my snack, I learnt the crisps were not included in the deal and were in fact 68p each. Following my protests, the inexperienced checkout assistant called for her supervisor – a lanky, spotty teenager (you know your life is shit when that is who you answer to).
The blotchy adolescent said, in the most patronising voice ever and as if I was totally stupid, “They are not 2 for £1. Only crisps which say 2 for £1 on them are 2 for £1.”. Condescending prick.
If he had fulfilled his life’s ambition of stacking shelves properly, maybe he wouldn’t have put the crisps I bought in front of an advertisement which was not applicable to them.
Rant over.
Below is an email sent to the company behind the Just for Men hair-dye range. Following their recent TV advertisement, I am sure there are millions of people, like me, wondering if the bloke on the advert got the job and why he needs “MORE TIES!”
Dear SirMadam
I have a query which I have been unable to get the answer to on your FAQ pages.
My question does not relate directly to your Just For Men hair dye range, for I am not a user. Since the age of 22, I have been totally bald. I put this down to the fact both my father and grandfather are also hairless on top. I am sure if I was fortunate enough to be blessed with hair, I would at least consider your product, should I start to go grey.
No, the reason I have contacted you is as a keen TV viewer, I have seen your advertisement where a young girl introduces her father to your hair dye product ahead of an important job interview.
Upon his return, he informs his daughter “Darling, it looks like I’m going to need more ties”
While the quality of the acting leaves a lot to be desired and surely does not reflect the product, my wife and I have developed a bit of an interest with the lives of the man in the advert and his daughter.
We would like to know the outcome of the job interview. Why does he need more ties? Can we assume he was successful and will need more ties for his job, and if so, what job was it? Did he fail and will therefore need more ties for future interviews?
I am sure I am not the only person who has contacted you about this issue. Do you have any plans to release a follow up advertisement showing an update in the life of the gentleman and his daughter? Maybe we could see him in his new job, if he indeed got it.
One final question. Do Just for Men plan to introduce any products just for women? My wife is as grey as our Irish Wolfhound and would like her flowing brunette look back.
Kindest regards,
Alex Keegan
I will let you know if Alex receives a reply, if the grey-haired man on the advert got the job and if Mrs. Keegan is able to get some Just For Men to use on her own hair.
I would like to let it be known, that following a phone call to my landline this evening, I am not running a Chinese takeaway restaurant.
If anyone would like a Chinese takeaway, may I suggest they go to China.
I’m off to bed now, but will be sure to unplug the phone for fear of being awoken at 2am by a drunk asking for a No.17, a No.23 and 2 portions of egg-fried rice.
Honestly – it felt as if I was in an episode of Keeping Up Appearances – answering my white slimline telephone with automatic last number redial….
After a really good evening at the Bath City Supporters Club Quiz Night, I settled down for the remainder of the evening with a beer in front of The Inbetweeners on TV.
My viewing was interrupted when I noticed a horrifying sight – the mother of all spiders running at high speed across the floor.
I have dealt with this terrifying situation before, but it never gets easier. I ran to the kitchen where I found my ‘spider killer’ and unleashed half a can onto it. After a hard-fought battled, I managed to trap the drug-induced monster under a pint glass (nothing else was big enough).
It is still alive and I am too scared to go near it. I may call the US Military in to interrogate it using water boarding to find out how it found its way into my flat and, more importantly, if it has brought any friends along.
To make matters worse, I posted a message on Facebook telling of my horror, only for the Bath City captain, Jim Rollo, to reply, ridiculing me for being “a big girl”!
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
