Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on 27/02/2005 at 12:24 am in Leeds United, Life In Bath, Movies, Other Sport with No Comments


I’m in a fucking brilliant mood this evening, absolutely over the moon! Regular visitors to this site won’t have to guess hard as to why I am so pleased. Yes, Leeds United won today, beating West Ham 2-1.

Take a look at The Championship table everybody, Leeds United are FOUR, yes FOUR points off a play off position.

This time last season Leeds were in a dire state, £100mill in debt, facing relegation with overpaid players who don’t give a shit. Now the finances have been stabilised, a whole new team has been built and the team tipped to fall into the lower divisions is on a serious fight for a return to the top flight.

Most of this is all down to the manager Kevin Blackwell. I know in the past I have criticised Blackie, but I would like to take this opportunity to thank Blackwell for all the work he has done for Leeds United Football Club. He has done a marvellous job against all odds.

Blackwell, you’re a genius, if you’re ever stuck for cash, why not write a book on football management, I have even designed a cover for your work. :o)

Anyway, moving on from the joys of Leeds United, I went to see The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou on Friday night. The film stars Bill Murray (from Groundhog Day, Ghostbusters to name a couple) amongst many other stars.

The film was certainly different from anything I have ever seen before. It follows world-famous oceanographer Steve Zissou on his quest to find the Jaguar Shark after it killed and ate his best friend.

Zissou is joined with his crew, wife, a pilot claiming to be his son, a heavily pregnant journalist and an accountant in the mission where they encounter pirates, rival oceanographer’s and other bizarre problems.

A top film and one I really recommend!

Lastly, it’s rugby again tomorrow. I should be watching the Ireland – England egg chasing game with a friend.

If I wasn’t being asked to watch England lose I would probably be watching The Carling Cup Final between Chelsea and Liverpool.The annoying thing is that both these fixtures are at EXACTLY the same time. Some morons at the Football & Rugby Associations are obviously not communicating!

Posted by sean on 25/02/2005 at 4:19 pm in Funny Things with No Comments


Well it’s Friday and the weekend tomorrow. To most people it’s two days of rest, recreation and doing nothing. To people who work Saturday and Sunday this is a chance to get paid overtime but still begrudgingly work, secretly jealous of 90% of the country who are doing bugger all. To the unemployed it’s just another day of doing bugger all.

I’m one of the 90% off for the next two days so being in a good mood will post these jokes someone e-mailed me earlier today – enjoy.

—–

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears and begins to sponge his hands and feet. “Nurse”, he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, I’m only here to wash your hands and feet” He struggles again to ask, nurse, are my testicles black?”

Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and say’s, “there’s nothing wrong with them!”

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies,” that was very nice thank you but, are… my… test…results…back

—–

People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the old man and said. ” Don ‘ t you know

who I am? “

The man replied, ” Yep, sure do. ”

“Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked.

“Nope, sure ain’t. ” said the man.

“Don’t you realize I can kill you with a word? ” asked Satan.

“Don’t doubt it for a minute, ” returned the old man, in an even tone.

“Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?”

“Yep,” was the calm reply.

“And you’re still not afraid?” Asked Satan.

“Nope,” said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, “Well, why aren’t you afraid of me? ”

The man calmly replied,

“Been married to your sister for 48 years!

—–

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected: a half-gallon of milk, a carton of eggs, a carton of orange juice, a head of lettuce, a can of coffee, and a 1 lb. pack of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,

“You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”

The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly!”

Posted by sean on 24/02/2005 at 11:11 pm in Football, Weather with No Comments


So Chelsea have been kicking up stink following their game against Barca. Manager Jose Mourinho refused to speak to the media and has launched a complaint to Uefa. Chelsea claim it’s following communications between the Barca manager and referee at half time. Some may say it’s down to being a bad loser.

Still, in honour of this story I have created this picture on Microsoft Paint for the BBC Sport Crayon Game Competition. I won’t hold my breath on winning! :o)

It’s still been freezing in Bath today. We had quite a bit of snow last night. This settled but all melted as the morning went on. Then we had more snow, sleet and then rain. It’s been snowing again this evening, all these cold temperatures and wet downfalls are going to lead to freezing roads and pavements tomorrow morning! If I don’t blog tomorrow I’m probably in the Orthopaedic Ward with a broken leg having slipped up!

Still I don’t mind about the cold, tomorrow it’s Friday, I have a half day and then it’s the weekend!

Lastly, I found this amazing website. It has an online archive of all school photos taken in the last 50 or so years. See if you can find yourself – so good it’s scary!

Posted by sean on 23/02/2005 at 11:01 pm in Football with No Comments


Some entertaining football this evening, mainly in The Champions League. Man Utd lost 1-0 to AC Milan and from the sounds of things, Milan were all over them. I know I should really support the English teams, but I simply cannot cheer on my arch rivals.

I watched the Barcelona – Chelsea game. Chelsea lost 2-1 although there is a second leg (like for Man Utd). The referee was badly criticised for making bad decisions. OK, he did. BUT, throughout the season decisions have gone Chelsea’s way so many times. It all works out overall so I don’t think Chelsea have much cause for complaint. The Chelsea manager certanly didn’t complain when he was managing FC Porto and his players got away with everything but murder in the Uefa Cup Final.

Moving on from football, it’s been freezing again today. We’ve had more snow, not a lot has settled – yet.

Posted by sean on 22/02/2005 at 10:30 pm in Football, Television, Weather with No Comments


It’s been very, very cold throughout today in Bath. We’ve had many flurries of snow, not a lot has settled but I am freezing my bollocks off typing this while I wait for the central heating to kick in…

Poor Arsenal! The first leg of The Champions League Second Round and they lose 3-1 to Bayern Munich. They have the second leg to make up, but that’ll mean them scoring 2 goals and not conceding should they wish to reach the quarter finals.

I watched the game on ITV1 and must admit they were awful. It was one of the worst performances I have seen from Arsenal. I only wish they had played the same against Leeds last season!

Liverpool were also in action against Bayer Leverkusen and won 3-1. Chelsea play Barcelona and Man Utd play AC Milan tomorrow.

I was taking a look at the Barcelona squad on the official website when I stumbled across the squad sheet for Barcelona’s Basketball team. Firstly I was unaware they had a basketball team, but the thing that really surprised me was the name of one of they players – Gregor Fucka! It’s the funniest name in sport since Stefan Kuntz of Germany!

What a poor bastard! What’s funnier is Fucka tried to get himself a Hotmail account but due to the nature of his surname was not allowed! The name also reminded me of Ben Stiller’s character in Meet the Parents – Greg Focker. More than just a coincidence I think!

Lastly, I watched the Chav program on Sky One yesterday. What a pile of inaccurate, self-opinionated rubbish!

The program was presented by self-proclaimed Chav Julie Burchill. She went on to glamorise Chav’s and criticise anybody who hates them. In her opinion, everyone who has a problem with them is surly middle class toffs who feel insecure about themselves.

She didn’t even give the proper description of a Chav! She described them as working class citizens who want to make their own unique style in their dress sense, music and bling bling. Nothing was mentioned of the problems hey cause!

Where I come from a Chav can be of any class whatsoever and doesn’t necessarily wear tracksuits, Burberry and cheap jewellery. A Chav is someone who is obnoxious, loud, potentially violent, hangs around in car parks and street corners drinking and smoking and is often seen wearing Burberry and bling bling.


Wearing crap doesn’t make you Chav

Sorry Burchill, you tried to prove a point by defending the Chavs and rubbishing those who have a problem with them. In my opinion you failed as you got the facts wrong.

Sean's Stories

On this website, you’ll find me blogging (almost) daily about everyday life, living in Bath, working with computers, and the occasional bit of football stuff thrown in.

If you're expecting The Man Booker Prize, you've come to the wrong place. If you want to read a collection of sometimes eccentric, often disturbing and rarely amusing ramblings, gorge your eyes on this.

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