Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on 30/03/2005 at 9:33 pm in England, Leeds United, Television with No Comments


Well I’ve just watched a boring England game against Azerbaijan. Just as I predicted to friends and work colleges it finished 2-0 to England, no way would England thrash them like Poland did. That’s not to say Poland are better than England, they’re not, England are just a boring team.

David Beckham and Steven Gerrard got the goals. Striker Michael Owen had a very bad game. Fellow forward Wayne Rooney did a little better but couldn’t score.


Steven Gerrard prepares for his role in The Matrix 4

On his day Rooney is brilliant and an asset to whatever team he is playing for. Off the pitch he appears to be an extremely unpleasant young man. While at Everton he appeared as the shy, polite young player. Since he moved to Man Utd he has become obnoxious, rude and too big for his boots – an overpaid chav. Still he’s a great player, even though he is a tosser.

On the topic of football (kinda), it’s the return of ‘Trash TV’ tomorrow Footballers’ Wives on ITV1 at 9pm. The acting is bad, very bad, in the first two series it was a case of “being so bad it’s good” series 3 was “so bad it’s crap”. I’ll probably give the first episode a god. Dunno why, episodes are poor, you don’t see any football and all the women in the latest series are all slappers.

Finally, I got my last birthday present yesterday albeit over two weeks late. A signed & framed Leeds United shirt (it was being framed, hence the delay). Moving furniture about a bit in my room found it a great home.

I’ve also been able to make space for some new shelves from Argos which will hold the majority of my large DVD collection.

Posted by sean on 28/03/2005 at 4:15 pm in Bath City, Insects, Leeds United with No Comments


The woodlice invasion seems to have died down since yesterday. However I strongly believe that it is more than just a coincidence that this is following yesterday’s blog entry.

I think this proves the woodlice almost certainly have internet access via some very small laptop and are accessing Sparkster.net. They must have taken the decision to all hide in a hole away out of sight, kind of like what Saddam Hussein did.

Of course the woodlice may have even sent a spy woodlose into the room where I write these blogs, reporting back to the head woodlouse later that day… he could be watching me type now… I’d better spray some RAID Insect Repellent about…

I think I should move onto a different topic as it is unclear who or what is reading this…


Could the woodlice all be hiding, planning an invasion?
Or are they all just dead?

As I type I keep hearing shouts from outside and chants of “Come on City! Come on City”. I guessed that Bath City must be playing this afternoon. After doing a little research it appears they are playing the University team Team Bath (they appeared in The FA Cup a few years back on Sky).

So ‘The Bath Derby’ in The Southern Premier Division. Wow. Really surprised this isn’t being beamed to TV stations all over the world :o) :o)

Lastly, I’m sure you have heard that annoying song McFly did for Comic Relief, It’s All About You. There was a parody of it on the radio which I made available for download. Well I’ve written my own equally terrible parody. If anyone has the instrumental of the original and the vocal talents to record my parody let me know!

It’s all about Leeds United, their manager Kevin Blackwell, his strange team formations, loan signings and the way he persistently plays David Healy, our great striker in midfield.

Another loanee,

Another loanee Blackie,

Another loanee,

Another loanee,

Yesterday you went out scouting for someone new,

Cos were a whole new squad, we need someone new,

Maybe you should sign a defender or a left winger,

But you got another forward, we need someone new,

And I will ask you time and time again,

Get a left winger

We need to play Healy up front,

Why don’t you want to,

So write the team sheet down and put 4 – 4 – 2,

Play Helay up front, not someone new,

And I will ask you time and time again,

Get a left winger

We need to play Healy up front,

Go 4-4-2

Don’t play Wright again either, use Danny Pugh,

Wright is so bloody slow, makes us frown and not smile,

He couldn’t run a country mile

Please go 4-4-2

Go 4-4-2

Go 4-4-2

Go 4-4-2

etc….

Posted by sean on 27/03/2005 at 4:45 pm in Insects with No Comments


I don’t know why but in the last two weeks there has been a sudden plague of woodlice in my local area. There are loads of the things; I’ve just swept about five from the kitchen floor. They’re not just in my house, as I walk up the street I see them on the pavement.

They’re not a major problem, it’s not as if they carry diseases (like cockroaches) or are scary (like spiders), they don’t even go in the food. They just seem to wander around the floor looking for places to hide.


Luckily the woodlice aren’t this big.
If they ever grow to this size, God help us all.

I don’t know the reason for the sudden increase in woodlice population. Maybe they are all colligating around my house for some big woodlice rock festival – Woodstock maybe? Or could they all be planning a woodlice invasion!!??

I think the best thing to do is take a solo woodlouse hostage in a matchbox. Deny it food or water until it talks (into a tiny, tiny microphone) about what it’s species have planned. I will then send the confidential information to George W. Bush and Tony Blair who can organise a war on terror stopping the woodlice once and for all.

Posted by sean on 27/03/2005 at 12:53 am in Tick Tock with No Comments


So the clocks are going FORWARD this morning in yet another annoyance of life. I’m unclear as to why we still put the clocks backwards and forwards nowadays.

Some people say they put the clocks back to stop school children getting mowed down on the roads coming back from school (but with darker mornings wouldn’t they become Road Kill on the way in to school?).

Other people say it goes back to the days of agriculture where everyone lived on farms, before the days of Tesco Direct, making their own bread, cheese and growing their own pasta trees.

If this daylight saving idea was originally intended for farmers, surely it makes sense that as there are less farmers now to scrap it. I am aware that farms are still in existence, but nowadays the majority of the population work with Windows and not Windmills.

Anyway, that’s enough of that, things won’t change, unless the government want them to, in which case the public won’t be consulted anyway.

I’ll go to bed now, get up late (hence the hour difference) and go around the house putting clocks, mobile phones, microwave ovens and various other gadgets an hour forward. Or I may as well just not bother, come November the time will be accurate again.

Posted by sean on 26/03/2005 at 6:40 pm in England with No Comments


Just another small blog about the England game, great support from the Northern Ireland fans. I’m sure they were desperate just for Northern Ireland to score.

As a Leeds fan it would have also been nice to have seen David Healy get one too, so for all you Leeds and Northern Ireland fans, here is a simulation of Healy scoring against England – enjoy!

Sean's Stories

On this website, you’ll find me blogging (almost) daily about everyday life, living in Bath, working with computers, and the occasional bit of football stuff thrown in.

If you're expecting The Man Booker Prize, you've come to the wrong place. If you want to read a collection of sometimes eccentric, often disturbing and rarely amusing ramblings, gorge your eyes on this.

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