It’s been a while since I last blogged properly so except this entry to be very long…

I went to see The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy last night. It was very well cast, funny and entertaining, I enjoyed it a lot.

I’m following the whole Hitchhikers collection in a strange order. I originally intended to see the film, the series and read the books. So far I have seen the film, bought the DVD of the series, watched the first two episodes, bought the first book of the five part trilogy (yes ‘five part trilogy’) but am yet to read it. I will get through them all as I am really enjoying the series and the film was great.

Something else I noticed today was the DVD release of The Lone Gunmen, a spin off series from the excellent X-Files. I really don’t know how I failed to see this had been released at the end of last month as I’ve been keen on getting hold of this for some time. It’s been ordered and should be with me soon. Unlike most series box sets it’s of a very reasonable price of £17.99.

For those of you not in the know, the series follows ‘The Lone Gunmen’. Mulder’s geekey mates from TheX-Files. It is very good and am very surprised it was cancelled after just one season.

TV Company Fox really seem to have a problem with quality broadcasting. Not only did they cancel The Lone Gunmen, they continue to commission The Simpsons even though the new episodes are nothing like what they used to be, in fact they are now like a poorly aged relative who has lost all dignity and stinks of shit.

A Fox show that was cancelled has finally been re-commissioned. Family Guy, in my opinion the greatest cartoon comedy ever, far better than both Simpsons and South Park.

The new series is officially aired in the US tomorrow night (it should be on UK screens soon), I’ve managed to see the very first episode of the new series and must say it is hilarious, it certainly hasn’t lost its original quality.

Moving on from films & TV, it’s been a really nice day today, hopefully the weather will continue as it’s a three day weekend. As Leeds weren’t playing I decided to enjoy the weather and sit out in the garden. While outside I saw the coolest hot air balloon ever, it was the talking, nodding dog from the Churchill Insurance TV ads (except surprisingly it wasn’t talking or nodding)

Lastly, a new idea I have had for the end of ever month… As the website owner, I can view statistics about visitors (like you!) to my website. These statistics include how many visitors I get a day, what sites they access my site from and search strings.

A search string is used for visitors who access Sparkster.net via a search engine like Google. It shows me what was typed in to the search engine which lead the visitor to my website.

Search strings are funny as they often don’t reflect the websites content at all! The reason for this is because most search engines search the whole textual content of a webpage based upon the users search request.

Here’s my Top 10 for April…

1. shampoo david beckham uses
2. Paula radcliffe pissing pic
3. stephanie mcintosh pussy
4. smartcar crash
5. good neighbours leeds
6. Alex Ferguson a role model
7. ray liotta soundboards
8. taking the back cover phone nokia 6230
9. daylight saving makes mornings darker
10. fat andy

I think this just proves that most people who use the internet are insane!

Today Sparkster.net is officially 1 year old.

The first blog entry was made on this website back on 26th April 2004. It doesn’t seem that long to be honest, looking through the archive a lot has been covered over the last year…

May 2004
This month saw Leeds United’s relegation from The Premiership and Chelsea’s fall out from The Champions League. I bought a new PC and got a 1mbps internet connection.

June 2004
Not many entries this month. It was Euro 2004 and Alan Smith’s transfer to Manchester United.

July 2004
Leeds started shipping out all their old players and bringing in new faces although they failed to deliver my new shirt. Ahmed went crazy on Big Brother 5. My Sky+ broke (for the first time). I bought a new fan for the summer and saw Shrek 2.

August 2004
Leeds won The Whyte & Mackay Cup and started life in The Coca Cola Championship. I got scared by lightning and spiders. There was a surprise eviction from Big Brother 5. I won some money betting on the football and had a problem with spam.

September 2004
I tried out dumping Sparkster.net for a solely football blog site LUFCBlog.com. It didn’t work very well…

October 2004
I caught a bad cold and stayed in watching Aladdin and That Peter Kay Thing on DVD. I upgraded my mobile phone to a Nokia 6230, buying a memory card to go with it (which I nearly damaged). England beat Wales. Leeds beat Preston. I got Fifa 2005 for the Gamecube and Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas for the PlayStation 2. I watched Shark Tale and Layer Cake at the cinema.

November 2004
I went to the dentist and had a bit of trouble. Got scared in the cinema toilets after watching The Grudge. Leeds United looked to be in the money but ended up selling Elland Road. They then beat QPR 6-1 which I watched live. They then lost 1-0 to Rotherham. I watched a bit of rugby and planned a Christmas Single for Leeds United.

December 2004
Watched a fair few films at the cinema. Leeds had some very good and very bad results. They also got their arses sponsored. Clyde Connelly from Dream Team killed himself. Peter Kay made a new advert for John Smiths. There was some crap Christmas TV and a review of my favourite films.

January 2005
Leeds had some good games. Man Utd got lucky. Celebrity Big Brother kicked off. John McCririck missed his Diet Coke. Jackie Stallone scared us all. Ken Bates said he wasn’t going to buy Leeds. Ken Bates bought Leeds. Busted split up. I started (learning) to drive and suggested Vinnie Jones as the Leeds manager.

February 2005
I got attacked by a spider. Had a fight with my PC. A Welshman chopped his knob off. Some woman we’ve all forgotten about sailed somewhere and came home. Leeds signed Rob Hulse. The Chav population rose. Everton fans attacked Man Utd players and it was very cold.

March 2005
Delia Smith got pissed. Michael Duberry got sold. Michael Scumacher spun out. Man Utd crashed out. Peter Kay got to No.1 (at this moment in time he still is!). Sky annoyed me. Harry Kewell got fat. I liked The Kaiser Cheifs and had an invasion of woodlice. My work got published.

April 2005
You’re reading it.

Now I’m very tired and it’s far too late to check all this for spellings and grammar like I normally do. If it sounds like David Beckham wrote it, I’m sorry!

I went to watch Super Leeds United at the weekend playing Ipswich. Good game, glad I got the prediction wrong. Leeds drew 1-1, a big blow to Ipswich’s promotion hopes. At least Leeds are playing the season out with passion. Hopefully I’ll be going up again in two weeks time to watch the last game if the season against Rotherham.

I was sent this link today to a very funny animation about The London Underground. Not living in London and having to use the Underground you can laugh at it, but according to Londoners whop have to use the “service” say it is just too true.

The lyrics were written and sung by Adam Kay and Suman Biswas. After clicking through a few further links I found out they have an album with lots more funny songs. Check out their website where you can download more of their songs and buy an album.

Well I believe the PC has been fixed. The case was opened in the aim to changing the CPU Fan where my friend and I noticed that all the components were caped in a thick layer of dust – I had never seen anything like it!

This was most certainly the cause for all my PC problems and the dust had to be removed. There is only one real way to do this and it’s a pretty crude method if you ask me. Take a vacuum cleaner and simply suck it all out as if you were cleaning a dirty carpet!

Obviously you have to be careful not to knock any components or suck too hard, I’m sure there are industrial cleaners capable of sucking loose components out all together! You don’t want to end up loosing a set of memory sticks!

There are other ways of removing dust from a PC, especially if you are fat. Why not lick the dust from the PC?*. Fat Fighters instructor Marjorie Dawes recognises ‘dust’ as one of the key parts of a diet for fatso’s wanting to loose weight.

* Sparkster.net cannot guarantee this will not kill the PC or indeed the licker.

“Dust. Anybody. No. Dust. Anybody. No. Dust. Anybody. No. Dust. Anybody. No. Well, dust is low in fat, so you can have as much dust as you want.”

This evening I went out to the cinema and watched Wes Craven’s new movie Cursed. It was similar to his other films really… horrific events fall upon teenager community. Half the young cast gets killed. School Geek and/or Large Breasted College Cheer Leader save the world. The End.

Suppose it was worth seeing as nothing else was on. Next week is the release of one of the biggest films of 2005 though – The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy. This looks brilliant!

After much recommendation I’ve even started watching the early 80’s television series based upon the novel by Douglas Adams, which I am also planning on reading.

I was pleasantly surprised by the series. It’s very funny and extremely bizarre. I’ve only watched the first two episodes so far but will certainly watch the rest of the series, hopefully before Friday when the movie is out.

I’m off to Leeds tomorrow though for the Ipswich game so no blog updates until Sunday. Every time I have seen Leeds play this season they have won. I have yet to see them play a team of Ipswich’s quality though.

If anyone is to score for Leeds tomorrow it’ll probably be this man

If I was to make an honest prediction I’m afraid I would have to back promotion chasing Ipswich to win. However you never, ever know. I would not have predicted Leeds to beat QPR 6-1 last time I went! My prediction: 2-0 to Ipswich :o(

I had a nice surprise last night after blogging. I obviously typed something to offend my PC as it ground to a halt. Very strange it should be so slow, especially as I have an Athlon XP 3200 with a Gig of RAM. I restarted the PC and was told there was a “Hardware failure”. Fucking marvellous!

Looking in the BIOS the CPU Fan was reading over 90C! You’d be able to boil an egg off it! No wonder the PC was playing up.

Again, while booting the PC this evening there were more problems. Once Windows eventually loaded I got another error…

Hopefully it is a simple job of replacing the CPU and it isn’t the Processor, Motherboard or RAM that are at fault. They’re all still under warranty but diagnosing these problems is a real bitch!

Some great football this evening and that’s not even counting the Chelsea-Arsenal game!

Man United played Everton in a vital match. Man Utd are desperate to finish 2nd in the league so they will not have to qualify for The Champions League next season. Everton, desperate to finish 4th above Bolton and Liverpool so they can get into Europe.

It’s been years since Everton have beaten Man Utd… not anymore! The blue scousers won 1-0. To make things better Gary Neville got sent off for kicking the ball at a fan (is a police investigation on the cards now?) and Paul Scholes – The Red Dwarf, got sent off late on for kicking an Everton player in frustration. They’re all falling apart! :o)

However bad Man Utd are, their fans have got no worries compared to those of Newcastle United supporters. NUFC have had an absolutely terrible week. Losing 4-1 to Sporting Lisbon last Thursday to fall out The UEFA Cup, losing 4-1 to Man Utd on Sunday to end The FA Cup dream and now losing 2-1 to relegation threatened Norwich City in the league!

I think Newcastle have just about done enough to stop themselves from being relegated this season, but if something isn’t done – and fast – they will be going down at the end of 2005/6.

Newcastle are in a very strange position. On paper they have one of the strongest teams in England, if not Europe. After Chelsea and Man United, Newcastle have probably spent more on players in the last few years than any other club in The Premiership. Why is it then that they are now 14th in the league with Plymouth Argyle the closest they’ll get to Europe?

I think a lot is to do with the fact the great Sir Bobby Robson was, in my eyes, unjustifiably sacked at the start of the season. OK, he had a few bad results and a bust up with Kieron Dyer.

Should never have been sacked by Newcastle

At the time, Dyer should have been sacked or at least heavily disciplined and the Newcastle board backed Robson. While they may not be chasing the title had that happened, I bet they would be higher than 14th place!

That’s enough of that. There’s more important things to think about now… like my trip up to Leeds to watch The Super Whites take on Ipswich on Saturday!

I’m off to Leeds at the weekend to watch The Mighty Whites take on Ipswich who are gunning for promotion back to The Premiership. Looking forward to going, even though I’ll be taking a 400 mile round trip in 24 hours!

It’ll be a very tough game for Leeds and to be honest I’ll be surprised if they win. However every time I’ve seen Leeds play this season they have won, hopefully I can be a lucky charm and make it 3 out of 3.

The following weekend is going to be great too, not only is it a three day long Bank Holiday Weekend, but two things I have been looking forward to for months will take place…

Firstly, The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy will be released in the cinema. I’m not a real Sci-Fi fan. I dislike Star Wars, Star Trek and all the spin off series. I haven’t read the book or seen the TV series for Hitch Hikers (although I have ordered it so I’ll give it a go). The only real Sci-Fi I have liked in the past has been X-Files.

The film Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy looks more like a comedy Sci-Fi (well, so was the TV series and novel) so I’ll probably enjoy it. I just hope the cinema isn’t full of geeks obsessed with the book and series, wearing ‘Hitch Hikers’ T-Shirts, dressed up as characters from the book, stinking of B.O., greasy hair and moaning all the way through the film about how “Douglas Adams didn’t intend for it to be like this!”

You can see the trailers for Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy here. The UK trailer is far better! Also have a look around the website, it’s pretty cool.

The other good thing which will be happening that Bank Holiday weekend is that the best cartoon comedy series ever is returning. This series is, in my eyes, the funniest thing ever to come out of America (with the possible exception of George W. Bush’s press statements). It’s far funnier than other great shows such as The Simpsons and South Park. It is – FAMILY GUY…

Due to very successful DVD sales, thanks to a lot to people in The UK as well as America, Fox have commissioned a fourth series. The first episode of the new season airs in America on May 1st. Shame us UK viewers have to wait for Sky One or Channel Four to buy it. There are of course ways of getting it quicker though… :o)

Last but by no means least, a week today will be the 26th April. This will probably mean nothing to you. The 26th April will be the first birthday of Sparkster.net. It’s been almost 12 months of blogging!

It’s not a good time to be a Newcastle or Man United fan at the moment…

Newcastle threw away a great opportunity to qualify for the Semi Final of The UEFA Cup on Thursday. 2-0 up on aggregate to Sporting Lisbon. The only way they could not go through is if they lost 3-1 in their current match. They lost 4-1. Hahahahaha

With thugs like Lee Bowyer on their side, it couldn’t happen to a nicer team!

“What did I do to deserve this?”

“Oh shit. I remember now!”

Man Utd fans are shitting themselves at the moment. Malcolm Glazer is fast becoming the most popular American for all non-ManUtd fans. He wants to borrow £300million to buy the club. He’ll take sole ownership, plunging the club into massive debts. Glazer also has no knowledge of football or ‘soccer’ so you can only wonder what would happen to Old Trafford. :o) :o)

Here’s an artists impression of what it may look like.

Leeds are playing away to QPR this afternoon. The last time these sides met was in November at Elland Road where Leeds won 6-1, I was there, great game. Would love to see the same again, can’t see that score line, but hoping for a win all the same.

Moving on from football, I’ve added a new section to Sparkster.net called ‘Internet Bargains’. Here is a collection of the best deals on the net for DVDs, CDs, mobile phones, etc. There’s a load of great offers out there, just takes a while searching around for them. I aim to offer them all in one place.

Wayne Rooney has been in some trouble again. After he failed to hit the ball into Norwich City’s net, he used his fists on his fiancées face at a night club, according to reports (like this website). The couple deny the claims but people in the club at the time say the thug hit her.

A businessman who claims to have witnessed the incident said: “It was a proper open handed slap. Coleen looked really stunned. Coleen was crying and her mates took her outside.”

Another onlooker said Rooney “grabbed her by the hair and slapped her”.

Wayne Rooney. About as pleasant as falling in dog shit.

Maybe this whole story was all made up and the fact his fiancée has left the country is just a coincidence…

Rooney is proving more every week that he is a despicable human being. His transfer to Man Utd was supposed keep him under control, under the watchful eyes of Alex Ferguson. Obviously Fergie isn’t the best role model for young Wayne, he’s not exactly a pacifist himself – just ask David Beckham.

Very pleased with the Leeds result yesterday but the icing on the cake came later in the day when Manchester United lost 2-0 to bottom of the table Norwich. ManU are the team their fans and manger claim should be winning the league! Hahaha

The typical ManUtd arrogance did take place, once again they insulted their opposition by putting out a weak team. Fergie realised that Norwich weren’t such a weak side at half time and put his best players on. They were about as much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest. Norwich won the game 2-0. Great stuff.

The fans are calling for Ferguson’s head, here’s a post from the BBC 606 Message Board…

Alex Ferguson has lost the plot Hugh( Dublin) – 20th post – 10 Apr 2005 11:08
Alex Ferguson has lost the plot and should do the decent thing this summer and quit as manager, before Man United slide further down the Premiership table. Yesterday’s result against Norwich was a disgrace … a very bad joke. If Utd. can’t beat the bottom team in the Premiership, how can they expect to win in Europe against the top teams? Ferguson must go, and his successor (Martin O’Neill?) should sell three or four of Fergie’s “past-it” so-called “stars” and get a good goalkeeper and at least two top midfielders … we don’t need 5 or 6 strikers (we certainly don’t need Bellion or Saha) and we don’t need Kleberson. We should sell Giggs (or Fortune). Time to have a major re-build of the team and Ferguson is too old to do the job now. He obviously can’t motivate the players any longer. Time to go, Alex. Thanks for the pre-2000 memories. Hugh ( Dublin)

All ManUtd need now is for Malcolm Glazer to buy the club, put them in debt of £100mill, sell all their ‘star’ players and bring in Major League Soccer players from the US.