This evening was spent at Couer De Lion, Bath’s smallest pub. It is indeed very petit, probably the size of the bedroom in my flat.

When I arrived I was told that two of my friends had been drinking since the early afternoon and it bloody well showed! Anyone who has ever watched Booze Britain on Bravo will know how pissed people can get, well these two made the drunks on the documentary look a little bit tipsy.

There were fights which turned into hugs just minutes later, glasses dropped and a near accident involving a shop window which could have resulted in a lot of blood, glass and a burglar alarm being set off.

I observed all this while sipping on my usual beverage of choice for my trips to town – Fosters. I didn’t know whether to laugh at the hilarity of the situation or hide in the bar area in horror telling other drinkers “I don’t know these people”.

I did have to move right onto the streets at one stage of the evening. I ended up sitting between both of my intoxicated friends and at a point it looked as if I was going to be in the middle of a bout of projectile vomiting. Luckily there was no regurgitation of alcohol.

I left them in town with a sober friend so don’t know what to expect. If you see any news alerts on BBC News 24 this evening/tomorrow morning involving murders/fires/explosions in Bath city centre you know what’s happened.

This time yesterday things were looking so hopeful for the England national team. Wayne Rooney was on fire, Michael Owen set to play for the first time since 2005, a World Cup winning manager set to take over Sven’s reigns. Then it all went wrong.

Luiz Felipe Scolari last night shocked everyone by turning down the England job on national television. He blamed the British media, a factor which arguably has been the downfall of the English game on so many occasions – fucking tabloids.

Less than 24 hours after that blow the England wonderkid who is Wayne Rooney was stretcher off in the league game against Chelsea. As ‘Frank Lampard the Cockney’ would say “It’s all gone Pete Tong”.

We may as well just not bother turning up to the World Cup. Shit manager, crocked strikers, we don’t have a hope. It is just like a Monty Python sketch although if you tell any England fan to “Always look on the bright side of life” they will probably slap you.

It’s time for all of us to hope and prey that Mr. Rooney gets over his injury and can play in the World Cup. Can the club doctor please get him 20 CC’s of pies… STAT!

This evening was spent inside a couple of pubs in Bath city centre. I wasn’t planning on going out tonight as I was out at The Hop Pole pub with work mates last night and should be out tomorrow for a friend’s birthday.

Anyway, the first pub of the evening was The Boater. A large establishment right next to the beautiful Pultney Bridge. The evening was warm so we sat outside in the beer garden, I say beer garden it’s more of a “beer yard”. There was an obvious absence of grass, trees and plants, in fact the only thing green was the used beer bottles.

As the evening went by the temperature dropped so we decided to go into the pool hall upstairs. The pool hall consisted of 2 pool tables – wow. What made matters worse was that some moron decided to put Paul Oakenfold’s Starry Eyed Surprise on the jukebox. It was time to leave.

After finishing off a pint of Fosters (unfortunately they don’t seem to sell Carling in town and being a self-proclaimed “lightweight” won’t touch these continental lagers) we headed off to Saint James Wine Vault…

This place is on the edge of the city centre, just down the road from where my good friend Mr. Hobart AKA DanInTheMix used to live.

There was a Hip Hop night on. I used to really like this genre of music but have gone right off it now. There are only so many times you can appreciate lyrics about somebody “popping a cap in ones ass”.

Anyway, we all filed down some steps into a dark basement, handed over our £2 admittance fee and in return received a green smudge on our hands from an old wine cork dipped in paint.

I was disappointed that this pub, like most others in the city didn’t sell Carling so went for the Fosters again or as my friend Mr. White likes to call it “Rats piss”.

I didn’t really hear much of the music which was probably a good thing with it being rap. The quality of HiFi equipment sounded very poor and the fact that the event was based in a basement with lots of nooks and crannies didn’t help. The room also smelt of damp and sweat. To some this may be disgusting, while unpleasant it did bring back memories for me of long evening in Dan’s flat playing 4-player GoldenEye on the N64. I still miss those nights.

When 11 O Clock came I decided to call it a night and get back to my flat where I could drink all the Carling I want, smell fresh air and listen to good music like Oasis, The Libertines and Kaiser Chiefs.

Another ridiculously early blog this morning just before I leave for work. I turned on the radio and heard the news that Felipe Scolari has been offered the England managers job.

Scolari is currently managing Portugal but the plan is to drag him away from sunny Lisbon to rainy London after the World Cup. So does Scolari pass the Sparkster test (and it a tough one to pass)?

Yes, Scolari is one of only three managers who I genuinely believe could do a good job for England along with Martin O’Neill and Arsen Wenger.

Scolari has proven he can get results with talented teams. He took Portugal to the final in Euro 2004 and won the World Cup with Brazil in 2002. O’Neill and Wenger do not have any history of winning trophies on an international field or even in Europe (yet).

It’s a shame we can’t get an English manager but we need to think of who is best for the job and I believe that is Scolari.

Hopefully Scolari will also be more professional than Sven and not sleep with every female member of The FA and spout secrets to “fake Sheikhs”, howeve judging by this photo I found on the internet he is every bit as seedy. :o)

“Mr. Scolari, meet your new 21 year old secretary Rebecca”

I watched the first episode in the new series of Wife Swap this evening. I am not sure what series they are up to now but the original format remains unchanged. You can bet you life that one of the wives will be an argumentative, common as much tart who’s interests include smoking, drinking and… well that’s it, forget about looking after kids, holding down a decent job or being a respectable human being.

This weeks episode included a bar maid – blonde, tall, skinny with a face like a slapped arse. Fag in one hand, bottle in another, disgusting. All in all a forty-something chav.

What I actually found disturbing was her attitude towards her children. She had twins. Sadly they were originally triplets and one of them had died. The mothers attitude being “I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant again. We lost one of the triplets but with the trouble I have from the two now it’s a good thing”. How the hell can any self-respecting, decent mother even think those terrible thoughts, let alone announce them on national television? God only knows what her poor children will think when they are old enough to fully comprehend what their mother makes of their existence.

Wife Swap really is trash TV, even though the people on it are a little shocking at times. Most people, myself included simply enjoy watching it, even though we know it’s bloody awful! Roll on Big Brother 2006!

I had the pleasure of watching the FA Cup game between Chelsea and Liverpool last night. Firstly, many congratulations to Liverpool, you were by far the better team, no matter what José Moanrinho says. Secondly, the very best of luck in the final.

I think after yesterdays result people are starting to realise that José Mourinho is not really “the special one” he proclaims himself to be. He has the luxury of managing the strongest and largest team in Europe, if not the world, a team which has spent over £300million on new players in the past three seasons alone.

For all this money spent what has Mourinho produced? Well he won the league last year and will win it this season. He also won The Carling Cup last year, a competition most self respecting clubs don’t really give a toss about anyway (even Leeds put out a weakened team in it).

Chelsea’s league titles don’t impress me. They have the squad size and quality to rotate players in the event of injury, fatigue or suspension. A luxury even the other top clubs cannot boast. You can also afford to make mistakes in the league as at some point you know your rivals will also slip up. Chelsea have made some errors this season (Middlesbrough, Fulham & Man United for example).

Cup competitions and Europe are different to the domestic league. There is no room for error and the pressure is generally a lot more intense. If you mess up, that’s it, you’re out for another season.

Chelsea seem to have failed in all the major cup competitions while under Mourinho. They failed to score against Liverpool in last seasons Champions League, made some bizarre substitutions against Newcastle in their FA Cup defeat the previous year, were totally outclassed by Barcelona the other month and played with some terrible tactics against Liverpool yesterday.

Is Mourinho actually that good or could any old manager get results if he was given the capital that Chelsea possess? Sure, he won The Champions League and title with FC Porto but they only won Europe with some extremely lucky refereeing decisions and the Portuguese league is very, very poor compared to the English Premiership.

I wouldn’t be surprised to see a new manager at Stamford Bridge for the start of 2007/8 if Mourinho doesn’t deliver next season. To impress I personally believe he will need to win the Champions League, domestic title and the FA Cup.

I dislike Mourinho and Chelsea and hope he leaves the club. Better still I hope their sugar daddy Roman Abramovich gets bored, pulls the plug and goes back to Russia leaving more debts than a third world country. After all, that is how their financial situation stood before they were bailed out in 2003.

I’ll leave you on this note…

YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL,
YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL,
YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL ANYMORE!
YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL ANYMORE!

I’m now back from Elland Road after watching Super Leeds United win 1-0. A nice way to end the last home league game of the season.

The game was a little frustrating, Leeds had so much of the possession, Crewe weren’t in it but The Whites simply couldn’t get the damn ball in the back of the net. They did try however and that pleased me, hard work and commitment is all I ask from my team.

In the second half ex-England international Steve Stone came on. Poor Stoney has been out all season with a nasty injury which has been a major blow for Leeds, after all he is a very good player. When he came running on the crowd really got going and their enthusiasm rubbed off on the players. It wasn’t long until David Healy slammed home the winner. 1-0. Everyone went mental.

Full time came and the stewards became very wary of a pitch invasion. Last year 15,000+ fans ran onto the pitch which did not impress the grounds men. It is important this year that the pitch is kept in good order as there is still one more game to play on it, the Play Off semi final next month.

Luckily most of the fans behaved themselves and remained in the stands. A few morons ran on but were rugby tackled to the floor and dragged into the slums of Elland Road, probably to be strapped down and farted on by Michael Ricketts.

The players and managerial staff did a lap of honour, walking around the pitch applauding the fans and receiving praise in return. All in all a nice end to a decent game. Roll on the Play Offs…

A full gallery of photos can be found here.

I’m in the car, somewhere on the M42 travelling up to Leeds. Using the wonders of modern day technology I am able to write and upload this blog.

We’ve just stopped at a Welcome Break service station where we were a victim of a serious crime, daylight robbery. For a light mid-morning snack and drink we were charged £12.74.

Let’s just break the bill down…

Fresh Orange Juice – £1.95
Filter Coffee – £1.99
2 cups of tea – £3.70
1 slice of Bakewell tart – £1.60
1 chocolate croissant – £1.75
1 raisin pastry – £1.75

Then for the journey I bough a Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato sandwich for £3.69.

My coffee came in a massive trough and tasted like it had been sitting in some tank since last night. I also had a chocolate croissant which was dry and fell to pieces when I bit into it. Also for a “chocolate” croissant it seemed to be lacking greatly in the chocolate department.

The cafés and shops in these service stations can charge whatever the hell the like, even if double the recommended retail price. This is simply because there is no competition. They place their stations in the middle of nowhere where hungry drivers and passengers have no choice but to visit. I thought running an unfair monopoly was illegal!

These service stations are horrible places in themselves. Everyone in them is hot, bothered and stressed all pushing to get to the till and pay for their overpriced food.

God forbid you need to use the toilet, I didn’t go today but on previous visits to motorway facilities it is difficult to find a cubicle which doesn’t have piss, shit and vomit on the floor and sprayed up the walls.

Glad I’m out of there!

I’m off up north to Leeds early tomorrow morning, going to Elland Road to watch The Mighty Whites take on Crewe. Hardly Real Madrid v Barcelona but it beats Bath City against Chippenham Town.

At the moment I am trying to get myself into gear so I can pack an overnight bag for the weekend, tidy my bedroom and also get things ready for work on Monday as I don’t know what time I will be back on Sunday.

I’m getting distracted though, probably subconsciously as I’m too lazy to get going. I’m looking at DanintheMix.com, a strange website about MySpace deaths Dan has linked to as well as writing this blog, all this while listening to The Lighthouse Family.

I haven’t put on their songs in ages. I used to like them until Tony Blair used one of their tracks on a Labour TV ad and ruined it for me – thanks a lot Tony, stop being a twat and get your wife a cheaper hairdresser, my mobile cutter does my hair for £6.50. Call her out to do Sheree’s, maybe then you can free up some millions to keep those nurses you begged to join the NHS just two years ago and are now making redundant.

I digress, what was I originally doing? Oh yes, putting off getting ready… I had better get on… in a minute… first I’ll upload this page… I need the toilet too… mustn’t ignore the call of nature… maybe I should check my e-mails again…

Will I be ready to go tomorrow morning or will I still be time wasting? Who knows!

The World Cup is now less than two months away and naturally many businesses are starting to cash in on football fever. Now Easter is over, football is a great excuse to sell more pointless, overpriced rubbish in the usual dry period up until Halloween.

One of the biggest money makers is the Official England Anthem. In the past we have had some greats, most notably Three Lions by Baddiel and Skinner. We have also had a few embarrassing ones by artists who will remain nameless (you know who you are, you loud mouthed Geordies, why don’t you go back to the jungle).

It was leaked a while ago that indie band Embrace would be singing the England anthem for the 2006 World Cup. I like Embrace so eagerly anticipated this one. Radio 1 played it this morning for the first time…

What a load of rubbish! It’s a nice song but as an England anthem it is pathetic and about as weak as a Steven Gerrard backpass! They may as well have got fucking Radiohead to record it! You certainly cannot see this being sung by millions of fans across the country in pubs and those in the terraces.

The FA’s decision to appoint an indie band to write and perform an uplifting anthem is about as bad as hiring Sven Goran Erikkson as manager.

It’s time to dust off the Three Lions & Vindaloo CDs from past tournaments, two classic and uplifting England anthems, unlike Embrace’s effort.