Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on 31/07/2006 at 9:11 pm in Television with No Comments


That fucking Frosties TV advert, it’s driving me insane! It has to be the most annoying, cringe worthy piece of shit I have ever seen on television.

Stupid, smug kid gets out of bed, prances all over the place singing about how great Frosties taste being eaten off a plate while on a date with a mate on a crate while you masturbate. A load of nonsense. Who the fuck eats Frosties off a plate anyway, the milk would just spill all over the floor.

There is something about the whole setup of the advert which just annoys the hell out of me. I just want that kid to fall flat on his stupid face and shut the hell up.

Some people on the internet are claiming he has actually killed himself after excessive bullying following the advertisement (I think this has actually now been disproved).

While I can see where the bullies are coming from, perhaps death is a little harsh. Maybe just lock him in a room with a James Blunt record playing on loop and force him to eat 500 boxes of Frosties (off a plate).

If you haven’t actually seen the advert, some being who practices in the art of modern day torture has uploaded it to YouTube.

Posted by sean on 30/07/2006 at 9:32 pm in Fun At Home, Shopping, Video Games with No Comments


Yesterday evening Mr. Watkins and Simon came round for a session of GoldenEye. It was intense. Watkins romped his way to victory and won all but one of the games, laughing, screeching and farting his way through the night. He really is a dirty little bastard.

We compiled an excellent musical soundtrack to accompany game play. The excellent Club Foot by Kasabian got the blood boiling and caused great aggravation. Then there was the 90s classic Rhythm Is a Dancer by Snap! The lyrics being re-worked by myself to “Watkins is a wanker, he’s a source of anger”.

Like most GoldenEye sessions it was noisy, mainly due to victory shrieks from Watkins. I did feel a little sorry for one of my flatmates in the next room. She was throwing a dinner party and her guests must have thought I was looking after some kind of wild animal.

After GoldenEye we had another go at GARY LINEKER’S FOOTBALL CHALLENGE. Last week we realised that the two player game was seriously flawed so decided to work together in the single player option.

According to Mr. Lineker, 20 questions must be answered to win the game. If you get 1 answer wrong you get a yellow card, get 2 wrong and get a red and its game over. Turns out, due to yet another software glitch you get a straight red after getting just 1 question incorrect.

We resorted to cheating using Google. That didn’t help much. The questions on the DVD are inaccurate. For example “In 2004, Paul Robinson made his England debut against which team?”. He made his debut in 2003… for God’s sake Gary, sort it out!

Some of the questions were just so obscure, who the hell knows the greatest goal average in any World Cup? I don’t know what other questions are contained on the DVD, maybe next time we we’ll be asked to name Michael Owen’s first childhood pet and Rio Ferdinand’s mother’s maiden name.

Moving on… I went shopping at my local grocery store, Coopers this afternoon. Amongst other items, I bought a packet of cheese. When I got home I realised, luckily before consumption, that the cheese was 2 days out of date. Old food is a big deal in the food traders industry and one that raises concerns as to the level of Coopers’ food standards.

I am very tempted to call Trading Standards. Generally, I find the quality of service in the shop absolutely shit and nothing would give me greater pleasure than to see it shut down and replaced by a Tesco Metro or Sainsbury’s Local. Rest assured Mr. Cooper, I won’t be buying from your shop again.

Posted by sean on 29/07/2006 at 5:41 pm in Football, Shopping with No Comments


My brand, spanking new Barcelona football shirts arrived in the post yesterday. I don’t know whether it was posted from Spain or from a warehouse within the UK, but I must commend them on a quality and speed of the service.

After a bad experience a couple of years ago involving an order from the Leeds United online shop (which I mentioned on this blog at the time), I decided to try ordering my Barca shirt over the telephone. That was a bad idea…

Now I know Barcelona are a Spanish football club, but when the website is in English language and the order line has the Bristol dialling code of 0117, you would expect somebody who actually speaks English to answer.

A Spanish lady answered. I couldn’t understand her and she couldn’t understand me. After an awkward exchange of Spanish and English dialect, I was transferred to a automated switchboard “PRESS 1 TO SPEAK TO AN ENGLISH ASSISTANT, PRESS 2 TO SPEAK TO A SPANISH ASSISTANT”.

I pressed 1. Now, I may be very wrong but I am sure I was transferred back to the previous lady! This time however she was able to speak English (and very well may I add). We went through the whole order process and at the last moment disaster struck! Her computer crashed.

Working in network support, a lot of my clients actually speak Spanish. I was tempted to talk her through the usual support bollocks on how to get her connection back. I decided against this, thanked her and ordered from the website. Something I should have done all along as it worked fine.

I must always remember… order Barca shirts off the website, Leeds shirts over the telephone.

I’m now off out to Garfunkles, hopefully I’ll actually get a table this week unlike last Saturday. It’s then back to mine for a GoldenEye session and another round of Gary Lineker’s Football Challenge. :o)

Posted by sean on 26/07/2006 at 9:45 pm in Television with No Comments


Did anybody watch Gordon Ramsey’s F Word this evening? It had a rather unpleasant scene where some piglets were having their tails and worse still, bollocks cut off.

I know the animals we eat are often kept in foul conditions and killed inhumanly, but apart from giving up meat and becoming a veggie (which I certainly am not prepared to do) or going to specialist farm shops where I can see the animals have been reared in a proper manner, I don’t think there is a lot I can do. It’s just that I never realised that the extent of the cruelty was THAT bad!

The pigs were screaming too, so nobody can argue that they can’t feel pain. I challenge the pig butcher to cut off his own knackers and rip out half of his spinal cord and not flinch.

According to Mr. Ramsey, the cutting of pig tails and bollocks only takes place outside the UK but 70% of the pork we eat is not British. It’ll certainly give me something to think about when I am tucking into my ham salad roll tomorrow lunchtime.

On a totally unrelated subject, there is a big spider on the ceiling outside my bedroom. I’m scared. It’s not very nice being kept hostage in your own home. I have to carefully run along the landing for fear of it diving from the ceiling and falling into my hair. Little bastard, I wish somebody would cut the spider’s bollocks off.

Posted by sean on 24/07/2006 at 9:46 pm in Leeds United with No Comments


I was a little sad to read this story about Leeds striker Rob Hulse being sold. Still, £2.2million is a lot of money for a Championship striker who has been carrying a niggling injury for the last 12 months.

If the money can be invested in new, decent players then it is good business, especially as he was originally bought for only a million a year ago.

Still, Rob Hulse has provided Leeds with some great moments over the last season or so, most notably his goal against Preston in the Play off Semi Final in May.

See you Rob, good luck. Thanks for the memories.

Sean's Stories

On this website, you’ll find me blogging (almost) daily about everyday life, living in Bath, working with computers, and the occasional bit of football stuff thrown in.

If you're expecting The Man Booker Prize, you've come to the wrong place. If you want to read a collection of sometimes eccentric, often disturbing and rarely amusing ramblings, gorge your eyes on this.

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