As the title states.
With most of the boxes in my new flat unpacked, I had the tedious task of phoning utility companies to arrange gas/electricity/phone accounts. Needless to say, most of my morning was spent on hold or being transferred from one department in Scotland to another in India (and vice versa).
The majority of the calls I had to make have now been made. I even managed to sort myself out with a temporary solution to the internet outage I am currently facing (until I get activated with broadband). I signed up to an unmetered dial up service!
It’s just like living in the year 2000. No lightning fast download speed or torrents, but no worries of racking up a huge phone bill either – perfectly adequate for checking e-mails, surfing the web, MSN and blogging.
For anyone who has forgotten what an analogue modem sounds like, here’s a reminder. Pretty cool huh? It takes me back to my college days when I would stay up to the early hours of the morning, downloading individual MP3s from Napster (when it was free and illegal). My sister would lift up the telephone to call her friends, thus disconnecting me, and the whole dial up process would have to start again. I almost miss it.
Expect photos of the new flat TOMORROW!
This weekend has been busy. Very busy. Apart from a quick nights sleep, I haven’t stopped since yesterday morning.
A lot of my boxes have been unpacked and homes found for my possessions, but still there are piles of crap everywhere – it’s rather unsettling.
I filled my flat with even more shite today, having made a trip to Ikea to make “essential” purchases – pots, pans, cutlery, bedding, etc. I was shocked to find that a trolley full of home necessities costs in excess of £200! Part of moving into a new home I suppose.
I am currently blogging from my dad’s house as I have no internet at my new flat. Add to that no Sky TV – I would be pretty bored if I had time to be!
I haven’t really got anything else to say about the weekend, and I couldn’t find my digital camera to take photos of the chaotic state I am current dwelling in. Will try and take some pics and make a more meaningful blog tomorrow. Until then, I bid you farewell.
I’m off to bed now. My last night in this shared house. From tomorrow I’ll have my own flat – privacy, quiet, bliss. Should I choose, I’ll be able to walk from kitchen to bedroom to front room in the nude and even take a shit with the bathroom door wide open. It’s going to be excellent.
I’ve just got back from watching Jimmy Carr live in Bath. I must say, it was an excellent gig. He was absolutely hilarious, so funny he made the David Mitchell and Robert Webb show I saw last year seem like a funeral.
The show took place in The Pavillion, a run down building next to the Sports Centre. It reminded me of my old school hall where I used to attend assemblies. Close to a thousand people were crammed into the hall, huddled together like cows – it got very hot and uncomfortable. Jimmy Carr compared the location to a church sale.
His material and jokes were very funny, and not one was a reuse of his previous work. The interaction with the audience was superb. Drunken West Country chavs would shout awkward questions and obscenities in his direction, to which he would respond in the manner they deserved – mainly making fun of their inaudible accents and referring to having performed sexual acts with their mothers.
Some of his better jokes which I can remember!
Another term for a racist…
Somebody who is afraid of the dark
What’s the difference between rape and football?
Women don’t like football
People think dolphins are intelligent. They just look intelligent when swimming with the retarded children.
What’s a Unitard?
Apparently not this. According to Jimmy Carr, it’s a retarded child with a horn.
“I turned on the radio and heard that 10 people had been killed by a suicide bomber… then I found out it was in Basra – who cares?”
A kiss passes on lots of bacteria. A French kiss passes on bacteria, garlic and dog shit.
When people drive their cars in fog, why are there signs on the motorway warning people of its presence? Is it because they may be worried that they in fact have cataracts? Also, when driving in foggy conditions, why do people drive with their head closer to the windshield? The fog’s not in the car!
God does not condemn homosexuality. If he did, he would have created a plague for gays… This was followed by a series of Aids jokes.
All in all an excellent evening, highly recommended. If you get a chance to catch him on his current tour, it’s a must see show!
Thank you Jimmy, I haven’t laughed that much in ages. Also, thanks for not picking on me.
I’m off to see Jimmy Carr at The Pavillion in Bath this evening. I’m a big fan of his and am really looking forward to it.
One thing anybody who has seen him live or watched one of the DVDs will know is that a lot of his act involves taking the piss out of the audience and humiliating them to the extent of suicide.
In order to avoid being picked on by Jimmy, I believe precautions must be taken…
If he does pick on you, here’s what to do…
I have packed/boxed/dissembled nearly all my possessions ahead of my flat move on Saturday. I can’t believe how many fucking boxes I have packed with DVDs, books, clothes and general shite.
Even my furniture is gone. It has either flat packed for reassemble or taken away by the council to be dumped into a landfill site somewhere in South America. I am sleeping on a mattress on the floor, all very student/tramp like.
Still, this time in two days I’ll be in a new crib – surrounded by my HiFi and widescreen TV, living in up like a wealthy rapper or footballer. I’ll be able to use both the kitchen and toilet without smelling and viewing the remains of the previous user. Best of all, I can take a shit with the bathroom door open – get in!
My flatmate nearly burnt the house down this evening. Normally I would be bothered and a little scared for my life, living with a pyromaniac, but as I am moving out on Saturday, I couldn’t care less.
I discovered the soon-to-be fire. I was in my bedroom when I smelt burning. Not living with any chefs, I thought somebody was just cooking, and dismissed the signs of danger drifting through my nasal cavity for poor culinary skills. It was later on that evening, when I went to cook my own dinner (Birds Eye chicken burgers and spicy wedges), that I noticed the pan on the stove, burnt black and heavily radiating.
Upon lifting the pan from the stove, the whole kitchen filled with smoke. The smoke alarm didn’t go off, a tad worrying, but I’ll probably be long gone when a serious fire does break out. I then plunged the pan into cold water, causing the smoke filled room to turn into a steam filled room.
The pan is now fucked – burnt black. Again, if it was my pan or I was staying long enough to use it , I would be rather pissed off, but I’m moving out on Saturday. Hahaha.
By the way, while all this was happening, my flatmate who originally put the pan on the stove, was chatting on the telephone – typical. And yes, before you ask, that particular housemate is a girl.
Like every true football fan outside of Devon, I will be wishing Lille the very best of luck against Manchester United this evening. The media have already got the knives out, the BBC calling Lille “the minnows” – the same “minnows” that beat the scum last season. What’s the betting, if Lille manage to pull of a similar feat tonight, the BBC will be kissing the arse of the Lille players and manager?
Another reason for me to be supporting Lille is that as a city, they are twinned with Leeds – they home of The Mighty Whites. So, if Lille do beat the scum, it’s a little bit like Leeds beating them.
As we all know, this millennium, Manchester United have not performed too well in Europe. Most notably, crashing out of the group stages against Benfica last season (Hahaha). If anybody wants to relive that wonderful European night, you can download the original commentary mix I made here. Great days.
As well as wishing Lille “good luck”, my support goes out to Leeds United who play QPR this evening and Bath City who are up against Rugby Town. If Halesowen can beat Kings Lyn, Sheffield Wednesday beat Luton, Palace beat Southend, and Barnsley & Hull draw, I’ll be a very happy chappy. It’s not much to ask, is it?
Here’s a lesson for Arsenal Football Club on how to a take a penalty, courtesy of Bath City’s Lewis Hogg. [Download here, Mr. Wenger]
