Talk about flies around shit. Typical Sky Sports – grooming Sir Alex yet again.

Also, is it just me, or does he always sound like he’s drank a whole bottle of Jack Daniels?

The spirit of Father Jack Hackett lives on.

Yesterday didn’t go exactly to plan.

We were intending on travelling down to Taunton to visit the Sheppy’s cider farm for Simon’s birthday.

However, upon joining the M5, we hit possibly the largest traffic jam I have ever had the displeasure to be stuck in.

It was hell – stranded in the middle of Somerset without food, water or a mobile phone signal. The car didn’t even have an AM radio, so we were unable to listen to the FA Cup Final. The only entertainment was watching fellow travellers wandering aimlessly along the lifeless motorway, climbing the embankment into fields and even walking their dogs. It was a very surreal experience.

We finally reached the turn off to Taunton, almost 3 hours later. With further traffic trailing all the way into the town and the farm soon to close, we had to cut our losses and drive home via Yeovil. A very disappointing day out.

Starving and thirsty, we stopped off at a lovely village pub just outside Shepton Mallet. There I enjoyed a lovely chicken pie and a pint of Thatchers in the early evening sun. The landlady saw fit to ID me for the alcohol. Luckily, I was carrying some – had I not, the day would have been made even worse. I don’t really think that was necessary anyway – if The Inbetweeners has taught me nothing else, it is that you can purchase a beer or a cider with a meal, even if under-aged.

We then drove back to Bath where we met Simon’s friend, Tim. It was decided we would end what was overall a very frustrating day, by the canal at The George Pub in Bathampton. A very nice evening, which almost made me forget about the disappointment of earlier.

Things got a little silly at the end of the night when someone decided to remove letters from the specials blackboard to form naughty words. We contemplated modifying ‘Cucumber’ , leading to funny results, especially as it preceded the word ‘Shavings’, but decided against it (the chalk was hard to remove). We were all disappointed by the fact the pub didn’t sell ‘Scunthorpe Pie’

Most of us left the pub relatively sober. Tim, however, had been drinking some very expensive whiskey, which resulted in alcoholic fumes filling the car on the drive home. Anyone who entered the car not drunk, left the vehicle a little closer to an intoxicated state.

Following in the footsteps of the true champions, Barcelona, I too secured a highly prestige treble of victories in football competitions this season…

Firstly on the Bath City forum, I succeeded where Alex Ferguson and Manchester United failed, by defending my European title in the European Predictions League, to finish as champion for a second time.

I also won the office league on the Premier League website on both the Fantasy Football and Premier League Predictor.

If only I’d put money on all my guesses!

Alex Ferguson, Eamon Holmes, James Nesbitt, Chappers, Angus Deayton, Edith Bowman… your boys took one hell of a beating

The very best of luck to Barcelona in the Champions League Final tomorrow night!

Apparently being English means I should be supporting Manchester United. Not sure why this is? While Man Utd have some players of English nationality, I hardly see how Nemanja Vidi?, Cristiano Ronaldo and Carlos Tevez can be of benefit to England!

I am a fan of the England national side, Bath City, Leeds, Barcelona and, for 90 minutes last Sunday, Aston Villa. I am not a fan of Manchester United.

Come on Barca – make me a very happy chappy, putting the icing on the cake of Newcastle United’s relegation by winning The Champions League.

I was welcomed back to work with the discovery that my colleagues had swapped all the keys around on my keyboard. Therefore the first half hour was spent playing jigsaw puzzle, rearranging them back to their correct positions.

Later that day, the torment got worse when a spider was captured in a jar and brought into the office. The spider’s entrance lead to my departure – hiding in the bushes outside the office and not returning until I was assured by phone call that the 8-legged beast had gone.

One of these days I’ll kill them all…

After a week off work, not doing much, but having a really nice time with Claire, I’m back in the office tomorrow.

Unless our work syndicate have won the lottery (and failed to tell me), I guess it’ll be a few more months until I’m off again.

The last few weeks I have followed the demise of Newcastle United with a series of “Relegation Watch” blogs. I have been asked by a few people why I have a dislike for NUFC and why I wish relegation upon them…

Out of all the teams in this season’s Premier League, no club deserved to be relegated more than Newcastle United. This is not because of individual games, or even this season alone, it is a series of errors and mistakes which have occurred over many years at St. James’ Park.

I have not always disliked Newcastle United. In fact, like many, I admired them under Kevin Keegan during the late 90’s. They were everyone at school’s second team, and even those who were not huge fans of football, like myself, were aware of the success in the north east.

More recently in 2002/3, Newcastle had a wonderful season in the Champions League, reaching the quarter finals. By that point I was a massive football fan, and while Newcastle were not my team, I enjoyed following them throughout Europe, drawing similarities to Leeds’ Champions League campaign two seasons previous.

The first signs of trouble at Newcastle, and indeed a large step towards my dislike for the club and the fans, occurred at the end of the 2003/4 season. Sir Bobby Robson, one of the greatest men in football and a perfect gentleman, guided The Toon Army to 5th place in The Premier League, narrowly missing out on a place in The Champions League.

The Newcastle fans were not happy with the fact their club had failed to infiltrate the ‘Top 4’ and on the last day of the season, shunned and criticised their team and great manager. At the same time, Leeds United fans, whose team had been relegated after a nightmare of a season, congratulated their players and manager in scenes which resembled that of a team who had just won the league.

The start of the following season was average, but far from disastrous. Still, this was not good enough for the self-proclaimed ‘best fans in the world’ who demanded their great manager be sacked. Robson was not backed by the then chairman, Freddy Shepherd, who met the fans’ demands and sacked the great man, without loyalty or compassion.

Newcastle then preceded to work their way through three managers; Graeme Souness, Glenn Roeder and Sam Allardyce; each finishing in respectable positions and even reaching the latter stages of the UEFA Cup.

Still this was not good enough for the fans, who showed little patience, demanding the manager be sacked, even resorting to barricading themselves in St. James’ Park in protest of the board’s failure to sack Allardyce.

In a desperate attempt for success, a king’s random was spent on unimaginative signings, including £17million on Michael Owen – a figure which other clubs would struggle to justify spending on their entire team.

The fans were crying out for the messiah, whether it be Kevin Keegan, Alan Shearer or Ant & Dec. They eventually got their wish and Keegan joined The Toon during the 2008/9 season, keeping them in the Premiership.

As always, things were not as simple as that, and chairman Mike Ashley brought in Dennis Wise to oversee transfers and in turn, undermine Keegan. Predictably, this went wrong, resulting in bad signings being made, popular players departing and Keegan leaving the club in August 2008.
The 2008/9 season was a farce. More money was thrown at the team, more farcical mistakes from the chairman, more heartless performances from the players and more cries for further change from the ever-fickle fans. Then, fittingly on April Fools Day, The Toon Army finally got their wish. Alan Shearer was appointed to keep his beloved club in the Premier League. Despite having no managerial experience, the deluded fans were ecstatic – the messiah had returned.

As we all know, Shearer failed to keep Newcastle United in the Premier League and The Toon Army were relegated to the Coca Cola Championship.

The fans are already talking about giving Shearer the job on a full time basis, despite being unproven, and winning the league. They are obviously unaware of the fact most established Premier League sides who are relegated to The Championship rarely bounce back at the first attempt, and more often than not, find themselves in League One – Leeds, Southampton, Sheffield Wednesday, Leicester, Wimbledon – the list goes on.

So that is why I wanted Newcastle down – overspending, arrogant, incompetent chairman; fans with ridiculously high expectations, delusions and shameful disloyalty to players and managers. Good riddance.

The nation is recovering this morning after joyous celebrations in towns and villages up and down the land, all enjoying The Newcastle United Relegation Party.

I was lucky enough to be one of the 42,585 fans at Villa Park who witnesses the relegation of the self-proclaimed “Premiership giants”. How we laughed.

Here are some pictures and videos from the celebrations…

A team of astonishing talent, boasting world class players, won the league yesterday. This team has been by far the best side in the country, having already won the cup and a place in the Champions League Final. A marvellous effort by a team, envied by rival fans the world over. Congratulations to the fully worthy champions, Barcelona!

Ha! I got you! While I want to congratulate Barca on their wonderful victory, I couldn’t possibly forget another massive team who also won the league yesterday. A lot of people may not like them, and unlike Barca, I am certainly no fan, however their achievements must be recognised. Many, many congratulations to Inter Milan!

That is all.