Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on December 18, 2018 at 2:00 pm in Football with No Comments

It’s such a shame that he’s been sacked.

He was doing a fantastic job at Manchester United.

If only had he been allowed to see out his contract, he would have brought joy to millions… by relegating scum to the Championship.

Coming to a dole queue near you.

Posted by sean on December 9, 2018 at 7:40 pm in Football with No Comments

I was more than a little disappointed to hear that Liverpool forward, Mohamed Salah, scored a hat trick against Bournemouth on Saturday (although probably not as disappointed as the club’s manager, Eddie Howe).

The reason for my disappointment is all because of fantasy football. Unlike many fellow “FFers”, who took to Twitter to air their frustrations, I actually left Mo in my team. The problem was that I dropped him as my captain, for the first time this season.

Salah scored a hat trick, which means loads of points for me. Had I kept the faith and retained him as my captain, I would have won double points. Damn and blast!


Posted by sean on November 25, 2018 at 11:30 pm in Football with No Comments

I’m glad to see that my licence fee is funding such in-depth and revealing sports journalism…

Posted by sean on November 15, 2018 at 11:05 pm in Football with No Comments

I had to check my calendar, to ensure we were indeed in mid-November and it wasn’t 1st April, when I read the news that head of the Premier League, Richard Scudamore, was leaving his job.

It wasn’t his resignation that stunned me (I couldn’t care less what the man does). The reason for my astonishment was the fact he was being given a leaving present of five million pounds!

The fact that every Premier League club has been asked to donate £250,000 each, towards his leaving pressie, doesn’t bother me. What has wound me up is that why does he need £5,000,000 in the first place?

What’s wrong with a gift you would give to an office co-worker? A £20 Amazon voucher, for example. Or maybe a nice bottle of wine from M&S. They could even get Eden Hazard to present the gift to Old Dickie.

It’s not that I feel sorry for the clubs being asked to each contribute the cost of a 3 bedroom house. Afterall, £250,000 is literally small change for clubs, who can earn £100million, just for being relegated! My problem is that there is such a vast wealth divide in football, and this gross example of overindulgence, by one of the world’s largest and richest football governing bodies, is simply obscene.

Those in favour of his gift (are there any, besides Richard and his wife?), argue that he has earnt the clubs so much money, he deserves the present. What rubbish. He was just doing his job. What about doctors and nurses, who save lives every day – something no doubt more important than raising money, for the already filthy rich. Afterall, if you’re dead, your money means nothing. When these health professionals leave their job, will they be given £50,000? This amount being approximately twice their annual salary, which is what Mr. Scudamore is set to receive. Of course not – and I’m not suggesting that they should.

Here’s my idea… every Premier League club still donates £250,000 each and helps to raise £5,000,000. A leaving party, along with a lovely, but modest, gift is given to Mr Scudamore, leaving £4,999,500 to be given to lower league clubs and charities.

Maybe Richard Scudamore reads Sean’s Stories. If so, I challenge him to do something good with his leaving gift. Of course, keep £500 for the party, but give the rest of the cash to non-league and charities… Bath City FC and Bath Bunny Rescue (hint, hint). While you’re at it, Rich, if you can ensure Leeds United get promoted this season, that’ll be fantastic.

Posted by sean on November 13, 2018 at 12:13 am in Football, Television with No Comments

The rumours were right. Harry Redknapp is going into the I’m a Celebrity jungle – alongside a runner up from X Factor, someone from Hollyoaks (naturally) and a TV builder. Remember when ‘arry was linked with the England job? No, neither do I.

In anticipation of the new series, I have derised a drinking game, based around Mr Redknapp. I am practically T-Total these days, with the strongest drink passing my lips being Dr Pepper.

Don’t let my non-drinking stop you – all you piss heads out there, feel free to enjoy the SEAN’S STORIES HARRY REDKNAPP I’M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE DRINKING GAME 2018. Catchy name, isn’t it?

Take a shot everytime Redknapp…

  • Describes a camp mate’s performance in a Bushtucker Challenge as “fantastic”.
  • Describes his own performance as “triffic”
  • Says “you know”, while answering a question
  • Refers to his time in the jungle as a “breath of fresh air”

Drink a glass of wine if Harry…

  • Calls one of his camp mates a “top, top celebrity”
  • Praises Dec, by calling him a “top fella”

Drink a Jagerbomb if Harry…

  • Claims to have attempted to sign any of the celebrities, while he was manager of Bournemouth.

Drink a can of Castlemain if…

  • Harry picks any of the following, to write him a “letter from home”… Peter Crouch, Niko Kranjčar, Rosie the dog, or any of the 2008 FA Cup winning Portsmouth FC squad.
  • Harry avoids paying Kiosk Keith tax for his Dingo Dollars.

Down an entire bottle of vodka if…

  • Dec calls Harry a “wheeler dealer”, who replies “I’m not a wheeler dealer, I’m a fackin’ celebrity!”
  • Harry carries out any jungle interview from a car window.
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