Apologies for my recent bout of blogging constipation, but I haven’t had a great deal to write about since the weekend…

The weather’s been crap – hot, humid and wet. It has made my head and teeth hurt. I have no paracetamols in my flat, so have had to resort to drinking Lemsip to ease the pain. The heat has also affected my sleep. Maybe I should get some drugs to help me at night. Lovely sedatives.

My evenings have been boring. I have not been able to go out due to the weather, so have had to stay inside for hours upon end. I am avoiding TV altogether – the thought of watching a flock of gaggling women and feminine men in Big Brother is just awful.

Work has been strange. Today we had a water fight in the office. When I say “water fight” I am kind of lying – I accidentally/on-purpose poured a glass of water over Sam’s head to see what would happen. Nobody else, myself included, got wet, therefore the whole “fight” statement isn’t a true reflection on what actually took place.

We also had a discussion as to whether or not the term “smooth a cat” was correct English. Both Sam and I are fully familiar with the term, yet everyone else in the office didn’t have a clue as to its meaning (which is to “stoke a cat”). I can’t fully remember how the conversation ended, but someone mentioned that we like to seduce felines.

I booked lots of time off work for the rest of the year, including the last two weeks in August. If anyone can arrange a holiday for me in that period, it may save my sanity. Watkins – will your boat be purchased by then?