Something bad happened last night. A terrible, terrible accident. I killed my laptop!

I was getting ready to watch Match of the Day, and thought I would open a bottle of beer which I had been given as a present. Before I had taken one sip, the glass somehow fell from the grip of my hand, spilling the contents all over the laptop keyboard. Despite my valiant efforts, I was unable to save my computer, and worse still, I had to watch it die in the most undignified manner. Upon reboot everything appeared fine, but when I started to use the keyboard it went berserk. A second reboot, and it started crying (well, beeping) at me. A sad day and tragic loss of life.

I would like to stress, that although it was my alcohol which killed the laptop, I had not consumed any, therefore the accident was performed in a totally sober state. My laptop took the full whack and died intoxicated; it’s components more pickled than George Best’s liver.

It’s kind of funny – this wasn’t the first time I spilt drink onto my laptop. In the past, coffee and coke have been spilt over it – even the other night, a generous portion of tagliatelle found its way onto the keyboard. Those fluids however had no negative effects, in fact they made the machine run faster – must be the high caffeine content.

All is not lost. My insurance company (the one with the dog which is “More than Lucky”) seem to be willing to help. First of all I need to see if it can be repaired; something I seriously doubt, mainly because the laptop seems to have doubled in weight, due to the beer swimming around inside it. If it can’t be fixed and a replacement is required, I need a “doctors note” from a PC supplier stating such. I did take the annoyingly smug approach of telling the operator “I do work with computers, you know…”. Pointless.