So, the trailer for the Sonic the Hedgehog movie dropped today…

When I use the term “dropped”, I’m not being hip or “down wit da kids”. I mean dropped as a verb.

For example:
The turd which had been hanging from the anus, finally dropped into the toilet bowl.

Had a movie about Sonic the Hedgehog been announced 25 years ago, the childhood-me would have immediately dropped into his underwear, with excitement.

Despite me still being a Sonic fan, I was thankfully able to control my bodily functions. Maybe that was because I wasn’t quite as excited as I should be.

This is the Sonic that I remember…

The trailer is nothing like this. At times, it reminded me more of the effects of the ketamine, which I was given, while on the operating table, back in January.

Why is Dr Robotnik portrayed by Jim Carrey?

Do the movie producers know who the character actually is?

A mad scientist, with a morbidly obese BMI, furious temper, thunderous voice and wild hair. Step forward, Mr Brian Blessed.

No doubt the movie will be crap. But kids will pay to watch it, however poor it is. The one thing it may have going for it, is the fact it’ll be one of those films that is so bad, it’s good. OK, not “good”, maybe “average”. I’m sure a lot of people will watch it… once it ends up on those pirate websites.

I think I’ll give the cinema a miss, instead waiting for the Directors Cut edition on DVD. This version is said to include deleted scenes, featuring Dr Robotnik recovering, after Sonic blew up his flying-car-thingy. He suffers some quite horrific third degree burns, which require a skin graft, followed by months of painful rehabilitation.