Since when did they discontinue the Strawberry Creme Quality Streets? They were my favourite. I’ve only just got over the coffee flavour sweets being axed.

This evening, I have been studying The Bible to see where in The New Testament it states that those celebrating Easter can stay in bed late, eat lots of chocolate, drink alcohol and watch football. When I find it, I know I will have pleased God.

Cadbury’s Crème Eggs, they’re great aren’t they! The tastiest chocolate money can buy and what’s more is that they’re better than normal eggs – they don’t come out of a chicken’s bottom and can be eaten raw without contracting salmonella.

There are however two problems I find with these tasty treats…

Firstly they are only available for sale at this time of year. It is a dream of many to be able to eat a Crème Egg on Christmas Day. Alas this is just a dream. Nobody knows what would happen if you were to eat a Crème Egg on 25th December. There are fears that it could affect the Space-Time Continuum or even cause the Universe to implode. Cadburys are indeed wise to keep the eggs restricted.

Secondly, these eggs are so small. Anybody who has ever had a Cadbury’s Crème Egg Easter Egg will have looked at the great big hollow egg and wished it was full of that white and yellow crème you get in the regulars. Alas, it’s not to be. I did come across this website where someone tried to “live the dream” of creating a full sized Crème Egg but it just didn’t look the same. In fact it looks like taramasalata smeared into a coconut shell. Yuck!

It’s a sight for sore eyes. I really fancied a Snickers bar this evening so went to my little store of chocolate and opened one. Inside I found what can only be described as “A Fossilised Dog Poo”.

I think the only reason I can give for this deterioration in chocolate quality is that it was exposed to extreme temperatures a couple of weeks ago during that great weather we had. Either that or somebody who works for Masterfoods UK decided to undertake a science experiment and cross-breed a Mars Bar with a Milky Bar leading to catastrophic results kind of like those seen in The Fly.

Only mad dogs, Englishmen and Snickers Bars go out in the midday sun

I did not believe the Snickers bar was fit for human consumption so, along with its five mutated brothers has been thrown away in the bin. Sad day.