Get well soon, Frankie. I’ve got tickets to see you in April – don’t do a Michael Jackson.

COMIC Frankie Boyle has been forced to pull out of this week’s Mock The Week show after being carted off to hospital with a mystery illness.

The acerbic Scot was struck down in pain while preparing to film the BBC2 topical panel show on Tuesday at the BBC Television Centre in West London.

Panicked BBC chiefs called an ambulance and Boyle, 37, was rushed to hospital.

His slot was filled by the WARM-UP man, comic Ben Norris. A show source said: “Frankie turned up for filming as per usual but he wasn’t looking his best.

“Then he seemed to be in pain. Some people thought he was having a heart attack or something.

“The next thing, an ambulance turned up and he was taken to hospital. We didn’t see him again.

“Luckily the warm-up guy Ben was able to fill in, otherwise we’d have had to scrap the show.”

Frankie – who is obsessed with morbid jokes – was due to appear alongside regulars Russell Howard, Andy Parsons and Hugh Dennis.

The guests for the show, which airs tonight, were Milton Jones and David Mitchell.

A show spokesman confirmed Frankie withdrew after falling ill.

His agent said he was “fine”, and denied he had suffered a heart attack.

Boyle is no stranger to personal drama – he has admitted boozing too much after nine years as a teetotaller. He has said: “I was drinking every day. It was really bad.”

This summer he walked out on his newspaper column after bosses refused to print his risqué gags about Michael Jackson.

He said: “We disagreed over whether it was OK to make jokes about a dead child molester.”

This weekend, I managed to get some much sought-after tickets to see one of the funniest comedians around at the moment, Frankie Boyle.

The show in Bristol isn’t until April nex year, but it’ll be something to look forward to.

I went to see Jimmy Carr this evening at the Bath Pavillion. Having seen him last year, I am pleased to report that the 2008 show is just as funny. Unlike last time, I can’t remember all the jokes he told, so won’t be reciting endless pages of them onto my blog. Most of this show, however, was spent heckling with the audience.

This heckling covered animals, children, panda, whales, and for some strange random reason, carpets (yes, the stuff you put on the floor!).

The Pavillion can only be described as a hall where you would expect to have a school assembly. Unlike last year, someone thought it would be a good idea to cover the ceilings and walls in bed linen. This trapped the heat and made the room like a tent. When 1,000 people are in a small room, with little space for heat to escape, it got very hot.

The drinks were very expensive – £3.00 for a can of lager. The queues for the toilets seemed endless. Therefore, at the interval, I went to the Sports Centre to use their facilities before heading to a local off licence to buy some Grolsch which was far cheaper than in the Pavillion. Call me a chav for sneaking it back in (using the inside of my coat), but 89p a can V £3.00 a can – I know who’s winning!

At the end of the show, I queued to get a DVD signed by Jimmy. Everyone he spoke during the show got the piss totally ripped out of them, mainly because they didn’t speak the Queens English, or as it is now known “Carr’s English”. I was expecting to get stick myself. I was proven wrong. Offstage, Jimmy Carr is a totally different character. He is very appreciative of the fans, was happy to sign merchandise and thanked each individual for coming. The politest person I have met in some time.

Last week, I ordered a pair of tickets to see Jimmy Carr in The Pavillion, next February. They dropped through the letterbox this morning. If it’s anything like this years show, it’ll be excellent. Only 66 days to go…

I’ve just got back from watching Jimmy Carr live in Bath. I must say, it was an excellent gig. He was absolutely hilarious, so funny he made the David Mitchell and Robert Webb show I saw last year seem like a funeral.

The show took place in The Pavillion, a run down building next to the Sports Centre. It reminded me of my old school hall where I used to attend assemblies. Close to a thousand people were crammed into the hall, huddled together like cows – it got very hot and uncomfortable. Jimmy Carr compared the location to a church sale.

His material and jokes were very funny, and not one was a reuse of his previous work. The interaction with the audience was superb. Drunken West Country chavs would shout awkward questions and obscenities in his direction, to which he would respond in the manner they deserved – mainly making fun of their inaudible accents and referring to having performed sexual acts with their mothers.

Some of his better jokes which I can remember!

Another term for a racist…
Somebody who is afraid of the dark

What’s the difference between rape and football?
Women don’t like football

People think dolphins are intelligent. They just look intelligent when swimming with the retarded children.

What’s a Unitard?
Apparently not this. According to Jimmy Carr, it’s a retarded child with a horn.

“I turned on the radio and heard that 10 people had been killed by a suicide bomber… then I found out it was in Basra – who cares?”

A kiss passes on lots of bacteria. A French kiss passes on bacteria, garlic and dog shit.

When people drive their cars in fog, why are there signs on the motorway warning people of its presence? Is it because they may be worried that they in fact have cataracts? Also, when driving in foggy conditions, why do people drive with their head closer to the windshield? The fog’s not in the car!

God does not condemn homosexuality. If he did, he would have created a plague for gays… This was followed by a series of Aids jokes.

All in all an excellent evening, highly recommended. If you get a chance to catch him on his current tour, it’s a must see show!

Thank you Jimmy, I haven’t laughed that much in ages. Also, thanks for not picking on me.