Posted by sean on May 31, 2006 at 9:39 pm in Shopping with No Comments

How is it that every time I shop at Sainsbury’s there seems to be a problem with one of the customers queuing in front of me?

In the past I have had teenagers arguing with store managers about buying crates of Stella, customers who’s credit cards have expired and get into discussions on how to pay, dozens of apples dropped all over floor by customers not using bags… the list goes on.

Today I had a pair of French students in the queue trying to buy DVDRs. Nothing wrong with this I know – unless they’re going to put copies of Norton Antivirus on the discs and use the software to infect peoples PCs. What the students did though was tear open a 10 pack of DVDRs and removed 2 which they then tried to purchase!

What’s their problem? Sainsbury’s isn’t a free for all jumble sale where you can pick and choose what you want to purchase. If it were I would go and buy multipacks of Hula Hoops and just pay for those lovely brown, beef flavour packets (surely everybody’s favourite).

Mr. Goater, (Daninthemix tells me you’re still a regular reader here), do you still work in Sainsbury’s? Are these weirdo customers normal? Of course, for the sake of your job, your answer will remain private between you, myself and the Google Mail administrators.

Posted by sean on May 30, 2006 at 9:52 pm in England with No Comments

I watched the England game this evening, good performance from the lads, well in the second half anyway. Something still puzzles me about the England team though. How does Owen Hargreaves get picked? He is a pointless entity. He must have some dirt on Sven, it is the only explanation.

The man’s not even fully English. He’s a bit Canadian, partly Welsh, has a bit of German thrown in and probably only qualifies for England because his grandma’s second cousin twice removed married an English man.

Here is a list of pointless things that Owen Hargreaves is more useless than…

1) A condom machine in a Vatican
2) A careers advisor in a hospice
3) A one legged man in an arse kicking competition
4) A chocolate teapot
5) An ejector seat on a helicopter
6) A glass cricket bat
7) An anorexic in a doughnut eating contest
8) A see through mirror
9) An ashtray on a motorbike
10) George Bush on Mastermind

Posted by sean on May 29, 2006 at 9:47 pm in Geek Stuff with No Comments

The faulty PC story continues. I think the only way to get rid of Norton is to do a complete reinstall of Windows, a little drastic I know but it’s the only solution.

I tried doing a reinstall this evening, after wasting hours of my Bank Holiday Monday afternoon. I installed the floppy disk drive, cutting my thumb on some sharp metal in the process (there is now blood on the PC case), downloaded the SATA drivers required to run before installing Windows, tried to copy the drivers onto a floppy disk only to find out the FDD was dead.

At that point I was on the verge of throwing the PC out the window. It was time to call it a day; I have not admitted defeat though. Instead of spending hours and hours of my evenings after work this week on it, I have decided to pay a friend who builds/repairs PCs for a living to do it for me. This way I can piss about with PCs at work, while he pisses about fixing mine in his line of work. Everybody’s happy.

Now back onto the evil anti-virus software…

The best way to describe Norton Antivirus is like somebody at a house party who refuses to leave when it’s all over. What’s more, when asked to go, does a big turd on the rug, vomits on your sofa and rapes your dog.

In my job I am often asked what the best line of defence against computer viruses is. When my first answer of “Keep the computer turned off” is not appreciated I then suggest Norton. Not anymore. It’s McAfee all the way now. So Dr. Norton or whatever you’re called, go fuck yourself. I hope Microsoft’s up and coming antivirus software kills you off.

Posted by sean on May 29, 2006 at 2:57 pm in Geek Stuff with No Comments

Three things you should never work with. Children, animals and computers, I work with the latter and although today’s problem isn’t anything to do with my job it is still very annoying.

My Norton antivirus definitions are due to run out next week, therefore exposing my computer to all kinds of nasty stuff – viruses, trojans, worms and Al Qaeda terrorists (probably).

I uninstalled Norton Antivirus 2003 (don’t even ask WHY I am still using it) and now every time I right click over a file I get a damn error message involving an Explorer.exe Application Error.

I’ve done everything Symantec have suggested on there website – removal tools, clearing registry and does it work? Does it bollocks!

Luckily I have created Ghost backups (do a Google search if you don’t know what these are). The annoying thing is all these backups contain Norton! Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!

You’ve made a powerful enemy today my friend!

At this stage I have uninstalled Norton, reinstalled Norton, bitch slapped Norton and somehow been given another 12 months of virus definitions free of charge. I don’t know if I should be grateful for this or take it as a nasty joke from Mr. Norton who is laughing at me from his ivory tower.

I’m not wasting anymore time with it today. You may have won this round Norton, but I’ll be back.

Posted by sean on May 28, 2006 at 4:52 pm in Fish, TBA with No Comments

Like many people on Bank Holiday weekends I went to a Garden Centre this afternoon. Not to buy spades, plants and horse shit to spray on the garden, I bought a fish tank for my bedroom.

I have been thinking of getting an aquarium for some time, I find watching fish swimming around meaninglessly in a tank relaxing. It’s also a little bit like watching Big Brother, only with more intelligent life forms.

I bought one of these starter packs which comes with a light, pump and everything else you need to keep your fish healthy. I also bought some fishy toys – fake coral, plastic weeds and all the usual stuff. It’s like buying for a new born baby.

The woman who served me was very helpful and was issuing me with all instructions on the DOs and DON’Ts on fish keeping.

DO feed your fish
DO replace the dirty water every week
DON’T pour Carling into the tank
DON’T take your fish our of the water

It’s a lot to remember, I was also told that if the fish is lying flat on the surface of the water it does not want you to rub its belly like a dog, it is probably dead and will need to be flushed.

As I currently have no fish in the tank I drew one in. It looks like an ol TV set.

I actually haven’t got any fish in the tank yet. I was told to wait two weeks for the chlorine to be taken out of the tap water and for the friendly bacteria to build up. I wonder if this “friendly bacteria” is anything like the stuff health experts keep saying we should all be getting more of. I could tip a bottle of that Actimel Yoghurt Drink into the water send see if that helps… maybe not.

While I was in the fish shop I overheard a conversation between a customer and shop assistant. The customer was explaining how he was moving house on Monday, had a massive tank with expensive fish at home. The tank was too heavy to move filled with water and what should he do?

To the customers dismay the shop assistant explained that if these fish were placed straight into tap water they would be killed. Due to the size of the aquarium it was recommended that the tank be left for TWO MONTHS before placing fishes inside. Ouch!

Just get a dog, cat or even adopt a child. Easier to look after than damn fish.

More on this in two weeks time when I go and choose which fish shall enter my aquarium, or as some may call it Tank of Death.

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