Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on August 21, 2019 at 11:44 pm in Leeds United with No Comments


I feel like I have now got over Leeds United defender, Pontus Jansson, being sold to Brentford.

Having re-read what I put in a blog post, just over six weeks ago, I think that I can safely say I have moved on…

It pains me to admit that Pontus was my favourite Leeds player. In my eyes and heart, he is irreplaceable. Leeds won’t be able to come close to buying a new player themselves of equal quality and will be a weaker side as a result.

Meh. We’ll do alright…

Whoever called football supporters fickle?

I even created a few additional verses, more relevant now, considering Pontus plays for Brentford and not Leeds…

Pontus Jansson’s magic,
He threw some plates around
So Leeds sold him to Brentford,
In that there London Town.

He beat the mighty Boro,
Then went to Hull and drew.
But when he played at Elland Road,
He didn’t have a clue!

See. Not bitter, not fickle and absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Leeds beat Brentford this evening and are top of the league. No. Definitely a coincidence.

Posted by sean on August 19, 2019 at 7:29 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


Some people say that our dreams have deep meanings, relating things we are unaware of. The only meaning behind my dreams are that I am bloody mad – especially after Saturday night…

I was forced to wake Claire up. It was about 3am on Sunday morning. My decision to awaken my wife at this time was not taken lightly, especially as she had to get up for work in under 3 hours.

A strap from my BiPap facemask had come off. I must wear this mask every night, to keep me breathing nicely. Reattaching the strap is difficult enough at the best of times, let alone when it’s pitch black and I am unable to see what I am doing. Claire, being the kind wife that she is, fixed the mask, despite being in a daze herself, before immediately returning to sleep – there wasn’t even time to thank or say that I love her.

Not exactly this type of face mask

The strap had become detached because of me. I had ripped it off. In my defence, I was asleep at the time, with the mishap occurring as a result of a dream.

I had spent much of Saturday watching Amazon Prime Video on our Smart TV. In case you were wondering, that really happened – we’ve not reached the bit about my dream yet.

A six-part documentary about Leeds United had been released the previous day and with Claire working all weekend, I was keen to have one of those ‘series binges’ so many people go on about, as if it is an achievement and something to be proud of.

It wasn’t that long ago, that if you were to sit down for six hours, watching back-to-back episodes of a television series, you would be called a ‘couch potato’, or worse, a ‘fat, lazy shit’

Anyway, I must have over indulged a little too much, as it affected my dreams! No, I didn’t dream about Leeds United’s failure last season (the basis of the documentary). That would have resulted in me removing my eye balls from their sockets, never mind a facemask strap.

I dreamt that I was setting up the Amazon Prime app on my Smart TV. See – I told you that my dreams mean that I am mentally unstable! Instead of using a television remote control, to enter a username and password, like in real life, I had to turn a plastic knob, very similar to the one attached to our central heating boiler. See – totally off my trolley!

This must have been a very realistic dream, as I clearly had a need to turn a real-life knob. Obviously I don’t sleep with the such a tool next to the bed, so in my wakeless state, I clearly reached for whatever was close to hand.

It just so happens that, in our bed, the thing which most resembles a knob is a clip, attached to a strap on my BiPap mask.

This is what led me to turning the clip until… guess what? If you said that I started dreaming that I was watching Amazon Prime Video, you’re an idiot. What obviously happened, was half the mask became detached from my head, resulting in a strange noise, filtered air blowing into my eyes and a lot of confusion on my part. Oh, and I woke up.

I actually have history of this kind of behaviour. Many years ago, I dreamt that I was on a canal boat. I took a holiday on one in August 2005 (if you’re interested, there are many blog posts from that time!). In my dream, I was steering the boat, when it became out of control.

I panicked and tried to force the break to work. Instead of forcing a break lever, I was pushing and pulling against a table football set, under the bed. The table must have been relatively cheap, as it was made from chipboard. As a result, one side of the table snapped off.

I woke up, the canal boat was saved and didn’t get damaged, but a previously working table football set did. I guess this latest episode of ‘sleep madness’ went rather well by comparison. Nothing was broken, apart from the sleep of Claire and me.

I’ve already told you what happened next. My wife saved the day. I then went back to sleep for the rest of the night, but not before jotting down what had happened, as I knew I would otherwise forget.

See, even in the middle of the night, I was thinking about what would make a good blog post. I’m so good to you!

Posted by sean on August 18, 2019 at 10:55 pm in Rabbits with No Comments


We’ve all been there. You’re reaching for something on the top shelf, which you manage to retrieve, only for a monstrous pile of crap you didn’t know about to come crashing down.

    NO ANIMAL WAS HURT IN THE MAKING OF THIS VIDEO.
    ALTHOUGH A RABBIT’S PRIDE WAS SERIOUSLY DENTED.

Posted by sean on August 18, 2019 at 7:55 pm in Life In Bath, Weather with No Comments


My weekend didn’t get off to the best of starts. When I left work, the rain was incredibly heavy. It was a scenario where I just knew, that no matter what I did, I was going to get very wet. God had his Super Soaker water gun out, and was determined to get me drenched. Was this penance for cursing to myself, after dealing with a rude and frustrating caller?

Donald Trump would no doubt tell me that I have angered the spirit in the sky, by placing a rainbow arc, in support of LGBT, on my Twitter handle.

Either way, if I was getting wet, everyone else was too, which makes me think the rain was simply a result of the hydrologic cycle and not a vengeful higher being.

A nasty event which did happen solely to me, was to occur when I arrived home. My lovely wife had spotted me, riding my scooter up the path to out house. By this point I was predictably soaked. A drowned rat, as some might say.

As I approached the front door, disaster struck. Driving up the ramp, towards the house, my scooter veered uncontrollably to the right. Part of the scooter was hanging off one end of the ramp. Had I been riding at speed, I would have gone straight off the edge, resulting in damage to the scooter and worse still, another stay in hospital for me.

Despite being shaken by the ordeal, I reversed back off the ramp and back onto solid ground. Maybe I hadn’t been concentrating and had driven up the incline at an angle. I rode my scooter back up towards the house. Yet again, I somehow ended up almost riding straight off the edge.

By this point, I had forgotten all about the rain, despite it continuing to pour from the sky. I was just a few feet away from the sanctuary of home, but being unable to climb the ramp, I may as well have been in Dover. So near, yet so far.

After much panicking, I calmed down enough to climb the ramp, with Claire at my side, supporting the scooter to prevent me from losing control again.

Slowly, we made our way towards the house. Garden snails, out in numbers due to the sodden conditions, looked on, no doubt bemused at my speed and how I could be overtaken in my ascension to the front door.

I made it home, safe and well, if not a little shaken and dripping with rain water. I went upstairs, changed into pyjamas, before returning downstairs, to sit on the sofa and feel sorry for myself.

Home sweet home

I stayed there pretty much for the rest of the evening. So, if you ever wondered how your favourite blogger spends his Friday nights, now you know. Ozzy Osbourne is green with envy at how rock and roll I am!

THE END

Posted by sean on August 15, 2019 at 2:01 pm in Internet with No Comments


Claire showed me this video last night.

It’s been doing the rounds on social media – apparently since 2016 – so we were a bit late to the party.

What do you hear in the video? I hear “kite”. My wife hears a bad word, which sounds like the name of the Foreign Secretary…

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