Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on October 18, 2018 at 11:37 pm in Work Activities with No Comments


After taking over five months off work, I finally returned yesterday. After two half days back in the office, it feels like I have never been away!

Having completely destroyed my old desk, before I became poorly, I was given a brand new table to sit at, in a different area of the room.

I may have slightly exaggerated back there. My old desk wasn’t completely killed, although it wasn’t far off. The reason for my new seating arrangement was to get me working with a better posture and keeping me well. I am sure my department don’t want me falling ill for almost half a year again, any more than I do!

Moving desks was almost as bad as moving house. I have accrued so much crap over the years – 99% of it in no way work-related.

Here are some of the most useless finds from my old desk.

  • A 2017 Leeds United calendar
  • About half a dozen coffee mugs
  • Packets of out-of-date food
  • Enough medication to open a chemist
  • Pins, used Post-It notes and loose staples
  • Back issues of the staff newspaper
  • An old air fresher
  • An empty bottle of hand gel
  • Loads and loads of pens
  • A USB stick with nothing on it
  • Old headphones
  • An old, broken headset which I’ve never used
  • Coffee that looks so stale, it’ll be deadly if consumed

You would have thought that I would have thrown all of this shit in the bin. I haven’t. Besides the old food, most of it still remains – even the dodgy coffee…

Posted by sean on October 17, 2018 at 8:13 pm in Geek Stuff with No Comments


I can officially tell you how to get a free iPhone X. There is no catch and it won’t cost you anything.

This is a genuine life hack, which “they” don’t want you to know.

OK, a few things… I don’t know who “they” are. Although, after reading numerous online advertisements, “they” are scared of everything from slot machine hacks, to anti-aging cream, which makes a 90-year-old woman look nine. “They” must be terrified of this!

By following MY simple steps, your friends and colleagues will think you have an iPhone X…

Oh, and my tips do not exactly get you a physical phone, although everyone will think you have one – and isn’t that the most important thing?

Considering most iPhone X owners are smug bastards, who love to show off, my FREE advice will produce the same outcome as owning the overpriced brick…

You can be a smug git, while your friends will be green with envy – unless they own an Android, in which case they won’t give a shit about your silly toy fruit telephone.

Right, here’s the advice… On your Nokia 3310 open your email settings. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a Nokia 3310 – this trick will work with inferior handsets (e.g. iPhone 8) too.

While in your email settings, change your signature to “Sent from my iPhone X”. This will make any recipient believe you have a brand spanking new, overpriced, twat toy.

Here is an email I sent to the World’s Number 1 iPhone Fan – Bill Gates!

 

Posted by sean on October 16, 2018 at 11:58 pm in Geek Stuff with No Comments


I am a winner!

Every Friday, I enter competitions. I take to Twitter and search for the three hashtag- #Giveaway, #Competition and #FreebieFriday.

Entry to these competitions, found in the resulting searches, usually involves you following the company running the contest, as well as retweeting and liking the tweet in question.

To avoid filling my followers’ timelines with annoying company endorsing retweets, I have a seperate Twitter account for entering these compos.

I’ve entered contests, where you can win anything from a teabag to a top of the range television. Today’s prize was neither drinkable or watchable.

I won…

An Adidas football!

What a fantastic prize for somebody who hasn’t kicked a ball since 2006 and uses a mobility scooter, whenever he’s out of the house.

I think I may take it to Bath City and ask if the players can sign it for me. Being realistic, it’ll remain in the jiffy bag it arrived in, sat in a cupboard gathering dust, before eventually getting relegated to the garage.

 

 

Posted by sean on October 16, 2018 at 9:12 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


Tomorrow I return to work, after a long term absence, due to sickness. That is why, from this day forward, 16th October will forever be known as “Return To Work Eve”. Please add this. to your calendars and diaries.

During my time off a number of things happened to me. Some of these things may be classed as “events”, others even “achievements”. Most are just “a waste of time”.

I’ll let you be the judge of which is which…

  1. Went for a ride in an ambulance.
  2. Stayed in hospital for almost 3 weeks.
  3. Learnt to hate physiotherapists,
  4. Came home from hospital and rode the ambulance again.
  5. Consumed approximately 3,994 tablets.
  6. Did the majority of my Christmas shopping.
  7. Blogged 75 times.
  8. Watched nearly every episode of The US Office*
  9. Found out that I’m underweight and need to get eating.
  10. Ate approximately 10kg of ice lollies and Slush Puppies.
  11. Discovered that Calippos are not fattening.
  12. Paid a vet to remove my pet rabbit’s bo##ocks.
  13. Stopped eating meat**
  14. Played a part in the demise of 3 spiders.
  15. Discovered DVDs and YouTube videos of a very geeky subject – Train Driver’s-View Cab Rides.***
  16. Found that somebody, something or (most likely) me, killed my blog.
  17. Resurrected my blog.
  18. Watched England win a penalty shootout, from a hospital bed, on my mobile phone, with headphones.
  19. Paid for a Royal Wedding.
  20. Got far too hot in a heatwave.
  21. Bought a fan,
  22. Used the fan in hospital, without it being PAT Tested (naughty, naughty).
  23. Received a ‘Like’ from Ricky Gervais for a tweet which I made.
  24. Saw a rat in my garden.
  25. Rented 62 DVDs and BluRays from Cinema Paradiso ****
  26. Tweeted 127 times.
  27. Found out that Quorn Tikka Massala has the tastiest sauce ever.
  28. Ordered a takeaway from Deliveroo for the first time ever.
  29. Won £100 on a scratch card. *****
  30. Bought the most embarrassing shirt ever. I love it.
  31. Spent over £150 on stickers.
  32. Had a haircut.
  33. Watched some God-awful film about a shark.
  34. Created a veggie-friendly Big Mac.
  35. Watched 1,000 episodes of ‘Keeping Up Appearances’, with Claire. ******

* I gave up early into the final season. The show lost nearly all its humour after Steve Carell left.

** Contrary to rumours, I did not consume any of Roman’s manhood (See pt.12), leading me to vegetarianism. The vet didn’t even offer me any.

*** Can you tell that by this point, I was getting desperate to get back to work?

**** 31 of these discs were Claire’s….
Can you guess who picked what, from “Raggy Dolls” and “Jack Reacher”?
You’re all wrong – I ordered Raggy Dolls!

***** Technically this was Claire’s card, but we always split our winnings.

****** It certainly felt like 1,000. I know the Mrs. Fortescue episode word-for-word.

Posted by sean on October 15, 2018 at 11:35 pm in Funny Things with No Comments


One of my favourite things that I have seen on the internet lately, and one of the (many) reasons that I don’t use Facebook.

  • About Me

    So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?

    If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.

    However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.

    You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.

    All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
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