This is a Public Service Announcement for anyone who has an electric fan assisted oven…

After cleaning, when repositioning the baking tray in your oven, please ensure you are not covering up the fan or the magical parts which produce the heat.

I failed to comply by the above notice. Had I not noticed the baking tray bouncing up and down on the base of the oven, things could have got nasty. Luckily, I did spot the problem and put it right, narrowly avoiding Bath’s very own 9/11.

What it would have looked like had my oven exploded

When I got home from work this afternoon, I was troubled to hear a strange sound coming from the walls of my flat. The noise meant one of two things – either a nest of giant, African killer bees had taken up residence in the wall cavities of my flat, or there were men outside drilling. Thankfully, for the safety of all mankind, it was the latter.

Luckily, it wasn't bees

Upon investigation – peering through the edge of my curtains like a nosey old woman – I noticed the men responsible for the racket were from Sky. I could tell this by the fact they looked like satellite engineers, were holding lots of cables and were wearing a jacket with ‘Sky’ on the front.

Long-term readers of my blog will know, that upon moving into my flat some 3 years ago, I was unable to receive Sky TV, due to the biggest tree in Bath (and possibly the universe) being situated next to my flat and therefore blocking the signal.

However, it would appear technology has advanced since I last did business with Sky. Either that or they have been able to hire some competent engineers who can fit a dish properly and are not afraid of heights.

What the big tree looks like... honest

I was half tempted to ask The Sky Brothers to drill a hole through my own wall and fit some cables so I too could enjoy the wonders of satellite. The latest advertisements make Sky appear so appealing and the thought of watching Wayne Rooney is high definition is enough to make anyone sell their grandmother to buy a fancy HD Box.

Fancy watching this face in HD?

However, I remember yesterday’s purchase of a digibox and the cute little robot, Digit Al. Besides which, Freeview is ‘free’ (hence the name) and anyone with a broadband connection and an IQ of 78 can work out how to get football and other such events, normally reserved for Sky customers, over the internet for fantastically low price of zero British Pounds.

Bath is 'going digital'

I went to Asda this afternoon. Always a massive mistake on a Sunday, as the whole of Bristol seems to descend upon Longwell Green, for a family outing.

The reason for my trip was not to buy groceries, though. As the TV adverts and junk mail through my letterbox keep reminding me, the West Country is ‘going digital’ this month. Apparently, this means if I wish to watch Match of the Day, Harry Hill’s TV Burp and the show where the bloke shouts “BRING ON THE WALL”, I need to buy a Freeview box.

With my birthday coming up, I was bought a such a box by my dad. Having tested Freeview before in my flat, I can confirm it does not work. Great. However, both the nice chap in Curry’s and the robot on the advertising campaign, assure me that on the date of the switchover (24th March), I will be able to get digital television.

Fingers crossed, otherwise the robot gets it.

As regular readers of my blog will know, I am a supporter of two football teams – Bath City and Leeds United.

Leeds, lead by Saint Simon Grayson (The Football God) had a fabulous start to the season, looking like they would be Champions by Easter. It is now March and chocolate eggs line the supermarket shelves. Yet, the silver-wear of the much sought-after League One trophy/cup/beaker couldn’t be further away from Elland Road.

Saint Simon Grayson’s angelic players are still in the automatic promotion places – just. They are desperately hanging on by their over-gnawed fingernails and are in grave danger of falling into the Play Offs – a place I would hate to see them finish, simply because of past-seasons encounters in them. Leeds’ record in The Football League Play Offs is, in fact, more painful than the whole of Jewish history… OK, maybe that was going a tad too far, although it has been pretty bleak!

In sharp contrast, my other team, Bath City, started the season poorly and had very little chance of success. Now, however, with just 11 games remaining, they find themselves comfortably in a Play Off position and in the best form since they won the league in 2007.

I know I will probably jinx my beloved City with this blog, but I really believe they have an excellent chance of ending this season on a real high and even playing in the Blue Square Premier next season.

Hopefully champagne, or rather cider, will be flowing come May, when Leeds win the league (or simply come second!) and Bath City triumph, winning promotion themselves.

Relegation Watch is back! After the popularity of last season’s set of blogs, revelling in the downfall of Newcastle United, I thought it would be a good idea to bring back the topic… but whose demise will I be plotting this time?

Ironically, it is the team I was tipping to survive last season – Hull City. Why the change of heart? Well, I disliked Newcastle more 12 months ago, and Hull’s success lead to The Toon Army’s relegation. Plus, Hull’s manager, Phil Brown, has become even more annoying in the past year.

He rarely backs his players – a factor I believe to be very important in a manager. When Hull lose, it’s their fault, not his. Remember this?

Yet when Hull “do well” – not winning for about 9 months, getting beat by the Manchester United Under 14’s, but surviving relegation – it’s all down to the genius that is Phil ‘the dogs bollocks’ Brown.

Everton today helped the Relegation Watch, beating Hull 5-1 this afternoon. Maybe it’ll get easier for Philip next week… they have Arsenal – I think not.

I don’t think he’ll need his mic this season. A map to Blackpool, however, will be required.

A song for any Egypt fans who happen to be at Wembley Stadium for the England game tonight…

My pyramid (my pyramid)
Is bigger than this (is bigger than this)
My pyramid is bigger than this
It’s got four sides and a pharaoh
My pyramid is bigger than this

The PlayStation problem I was experiencing yesterday now seems to be resolved. As promised, the issue was fixed overnight.

Smells to me like a case of “Let’s tell them it’ll be resolved at midnight and hope it fixes itself”

You would never have had this problem with a Sega Mega Drive.

I turned on my PS3 after work, only to be greeted with the rather alarming welcoming message “Registration of the trophy information could not be completed. The game will quit. (8001050f)”

It turns out, this is something to do with February 29th, which didn’t actually happen this year, and a recent software upgrade that has caused everyone’s consoles to break and cause the date to revert back to 01/01/2000. This also means games cannot be played due to trophies getting messed up.

All this was found out after much self-diagnosis. Being a male and working in IT, I naturally refuse to read instructions and seek advice elsewhere, so it was a last resort when I called upon Google for help.

Along with an explanation as to what had happened, and a promise of a 24 hour fix, I was warned by Sony “not to use my console”

It’s a bit late for that now…

On the plus side, it looks like there may be a new job for me to apply for. I hear Sony are advertising for a replacement ‘PlayStation 3 Updates Manager’. The position has suddenly become available today.

Yesterday, I went to Welling in Kent to watch Bath City. This is one of the longest trips of the season, with Park View Road, the home of Welling United, not being a very kind ground to City in recent years.

After what seemed like a really long trip, we finally made it to a rather damp Kent. Luckily the game went ahead.

Before kick off, the majority of the fans went to a nearby pub. There we enjoyed a pre-match drink, while watching the Chelsea/Man City game.

Despite a slow start to the match, the game was overall very good and City produced an excellent performance. Kaid Mohamed scoring for City just before half time.

City continued their dominance into the second half and it was only late into the game when Welling started to become a threat, throwing everything but the kitchen sink at City’s goal.

As every football fan knows, while this approach can lead to success and late goals, it is also a dangerous approach, leaving the defence open to counter attacks. Step up Mr. David Gilroy…

Gilroy became a City cult hero when he joined from rivals Chippenham in 2007. In two seasons, the striker scored 50 goals for The Stripes. It was therefore understandable that when he left 9 months ago for Newport County, the City fans were very upset. To the joy of all supporters, ‘Gilly’ returned to Twerton Park a week ago, many claiming he had ‘returned home’.

With City leading by just one goal and seconds remaining, Welling won a free kick close to City’s penalty area. The Welling goalkeeper, along with all his fellow players, ran up for the set piece. Welling didn’t score and Bath City took advantage, tearing down the pitch through the home team’s depleted defence. A wonderful pass, courtesy of Hector Mackie, met the deadly Dave Gilroy, who slammed the ball past the hapless keeper to win the game 2-0 and send the travelling fans wild.

Gilly has well and truly returned. City, up to third in the league, are well and truly in contention for the Play Offs. The season is well and truly alive.

This is James Bond. He likes to spend money, shoot bad guys and jump from bed to bed with different women. He is suave, sophisticated and good looking. Most importantly, he is NOT REAL.

This is John Terry. Like many professional football players, he shares a lot of James Bond’s interests – although I don’t think shooting baddies is on his list of hobbies.

Terry does, according to media reports, like to bed various other women, including partners of his friends (‘allegedly’, as we keep being told by the press). The difference between John Terry and Mr. Bond, however, is Terry is an embarrassing, unlikeable ugly bloke. Most importantly, he IS REAL.

It isn’t just John Terry at fault. Even people living in the deepest, darkest caves on the moon will have heard about the behaviour of Terry’s Chelsea teammate, Ashley Cole. It is a sad state of affairs, especially as these Chelsea chavs are not the only players behaving in a disgusting manner. For every Ca$hley Cole, there are many others.

The incidents in recent weeks, including the events at Chelsea’s home game yesterday, really do emphasis the fact that football players are not living in the real world and need to enter it as soon as possible.

Some may argue that what goes on off the pitch should remain private. However, when you’re a top-flight football player who makes millions of pounds from your occupation, you will attract off the field interest, and must show a high standard of professionalism.

Moving on from the players and back to everyone’s favourite fictional MI6 agent… James Bond also likes to gamble. The fact 007 nearly always wins when he visits casino’s is irrelevant – yet again, he is NOT REAL.

However, in this crazy world of football, there are chairmen of clubs who gamble hundreds of millions of pounds on success. On Friday, Portsmouth FC became the first top-flight club to fall into administration. Never mind, they’ll be ok – their debts are now gone, and despite being relegated, they’ll stand an excellent chance of winning The Championship next season.

What about all the local businesses who are owed money from Portsmouth FC? The money they will lose could see them go bust. No reprieve or administration for Mr. Smith who supplies the club’s pies. He’ll be forced to join the dole queue.

The world of football as a whole needs to take a long, hard look at itself. The chairmen, managers and players have been living in this fantasy, James Bond-style world for too long. It is all coming to a head now and the fans are getting fed up. If something doesn’t change soon, the beautiful game could go the way of 007’s arch enemy, Blofeld – down the chimney.