Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on September 17, 2018 at 9:56 pm in Spiders with No Comments


They say that there are some disturbing things on the internet – men messing with dogs, extreme violence, Katie Hopkins… the list goes on. So far, I have managed to avoid these horrors from the Dark Web – until today, when I witnessed a truly horrifying video on Twitter.

After viewing the upsetting material, I did what any sensible adult would do. I uploaded it to YouTube, so it would gain an even larger audience.

For added effect, I added the Jaws theme to the video, which I have embedded below…

Posted by sean on September 16, 2018 at 10:05 pm in Rabbits with No Comments


Roman can be a bad bunny, as I have blogged many a time. We have tried lots of ways to discipline him – all humanely, of course. This afternoon, we found a trick which might just work…

When in his run, Roman loves to bite his toys. Most of these are made from wood or cardboard, so not a problem. He also has a long tunnel, made from plastic.

Roman loves his tunnel. He will run through it at great speed, over and over again, before skipping in the air with delight. The problem is, he also nibbles this tunnel. The issue is not the damage caused – we would happily buy Roman a new one. We are concerned that by biting his toy, he could injest plastic; potentially making him very ill, or worse.

Speaking to him sternly, or clapping, sometimes stops this destruction, but not always. We therefore decided to exploit Roman’s weakness – the front door.

Since bringing Roman home in April, he has grown in character and confidence. The bunny who would once cower in his bed, whenever a stranger entered the room, now runs towards the side of his cage or run, whenever he hears somebody entering the house. He’s basically a dog.

One of the triggers, which sets of this bunny greeting, is our front doorbell. We had a look on YouTube and found this – a chime, which is almost identical to our own doorbell!

We tested our trick. While Roman was happily munching on plastic, we played the video. He immediately stopped. He knew something wasn’t right. For added effect, I shouted “Come in”, to our imaginary guest. Roman walked away from the plastic tube and hopped towards the end of his run, closest to the entrace to our living room. Of course, nobody entered. He must have been left confused and disappointed. We don’t like teasing our rabbit, but at least he doesn’t have a belly full of nasty plastic!

Posted by sean on September 14, 2018 at 10:49 pm in Funny Things with No Comments


Posted by sean on September 13, 2018 at 10:35 pm in Spiders with No Comments


So, because of yesterday’s scary spider discovery, I took drastic action. Before bed, I sprayed bug killer in the area that the dead body and legs were found. This was more of a preventative method, than anything else – a deterrent for any other spider, thinking of moving in.

I know some of you will still find this hypocritical, after my recent veggie revelation, but I was spraying a can of Raid – it wasn’t like I had shot Cecil the Lion’s mother.

Upon coming downstairs this morning, I saw this in exactly the same place as the previous day’s carcass…

After much shouting, screaming, and me trying to escape upstairs, leaving Claire to face the horror alone; my brave wife got out her trusty Dyson again, and sucked up the dead arachnid. That Dyson is fast becoming as useful as those guns used to capture ghosts on Ghostbusters.

Just look how it contained the beast (and tore its legs off).

The whole ordeal left Claire and I shaken. We then discovered that Roman was equally as scared – my girly shrieks must have startled him. Either that, or he suffers from arachnophobia too!

Posted by sean on September 12, 2018 at 10:37 pm in Spiders with No Comments


I made a very disturbing discovery this morning… In our porch, just outside the front room, I saw a pair of legs on the floor. Before you all worry, Oscar Pistorius hasn’t escaped to Bath from his South African jail. These limbs belonged to a creature – a creature that I can only guess is a spider!

Claire is very house-proud, so as soon as I informed her of the gruesome discovery, she grabbed her beloved Dyson and sucked up the legs. Along with the legs, Claire also managed to find the dead body of a big, hairy spider. Despite being very much deceased, it went up the vacuum cleaner.

I am sure that you are all wondering what the problem is. Yes, we found a spider, but it was dead and is now surrounded by fluff, Rice Krispies and anything else that went up the Dyson’s tube. What’s more, it can’t even escape from the dusty grave, as it is minus two legs, oh and it’s dead!

The problem, my friends, is this – what the hell maimed and killed the huge spider? Whatever it was, is still alive and at large…

Pray for me.

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