Last night I found a mobile phone outside Stamford Bridge, the home of Chelsea FC. I have no idea who it belongs to… any ideas? :)

It’s late. I’m on my way home on the coach now – somewhere inbetween London and Bath.

Bath City lost 3-1 to Hampton and were totally outplayed. It is a very somber coach.

I am exhausted and all I want to do now is go to bed. Like in previous midweek football away days (especially those we lose), I question why I do it. Must be the love of the game… or madness.

This evening I will be travelling to Hampton (somewhere near London, I think) to watch Bath City play Hampton & Richmond.

Not too far away from where I will cheering on City in the Blue Square South, the self-proclaimed ‘Special One’, José Mourinho, will be returning to Stamford Bridge as his Inter Milan side take on Chelsea in the Champions League.

José – you truly are the special one and a legend (until you manage Man Utd, at least). While I won’t be there tonight, or even watching on TV, I will be willing your side to victory.

All together now – “Jooooosssssééééééééééééééééé”

Jooosssééééé

This morning, I have been sending emails, all about separate pressing issues.

One went to my energy supplier, EDF – they have the wrong details for my gas meter.

Another email was sent to my landlord – the cold tap in the bathroom is broken.

My final email was sent to BANES Council. They sent me my council tax bill for 2010/2011, but forgot to let me know my monthly payments, instead expecting me to pay the annual bill in one go. I assume they have confused me with a Premiership football player or someone who can afford to do such a thing.

Who will reply first? The race is on!!!

In the words of Murray Walker - "It's GO! GO! GO!"

So, no sooner did I start the ‘Hapless Hull Relegation Watch’, manager, Phil Brown, is sacked. Hopefully he will receive a nice pay off, or the tanning industry could be plunged into financial meltdown.

Despite all this, I am still tipping Hull for the drop and will continue to monitor their downfall, which was helped by Arsenal at the weekend. Quite fitting, I think, after this unsavoury incident.

I know it’s been done before and Sky Sports News have played the clip to death, but let’s have it one more time. Phil Brown – you have your wish, you are going home.

Football is an amusing game according to the famous quote. Not least this week, thanks to some rather dim-witted supporters and players.

Firstly, a Millwall fan who is fast becoming an internet phenomena. The supporter somehow got confused ahead of an upcoming game against Charlton. Despite owning his very own season-ticket, he believed he needed to purchase an additional ticket to gain himself access to the match. Confused? I was too. Here is an excerpt from the thread on the ‘House of Fun’ Millwall forum.

Stuwall: “For some reason the ticket office told me my season ticket seat was gone. Strange.”
Sylark: “Because it’s sold – as in your season ticket – sold – purchased.”
Stuwall: “Why should it be? My seat that I paid for should be my seat that I paid for. The bird at the window told me my seat was sold out. Strange.”
Jimmy: “It’s because you already have it.”
Stuwall: “This is getting silly. I went to get tickets for the Charlton game and was told my seat was gone.”
Br2lion: “Probably to you.”

The poor chap later realised his mistake and was then subject to the abuse and ridicule he clearly deserved (not least for supporting Millwall). He also was awarded this honour,

The second ‘Cock of the Week’ award goes to David Beckham (not the first time he has won this honour). Apparently some Manchester United fans are unhappy that an American owns their club and has put them into a bit of debt. Therefore they are wearing Norwich City colours in protest. Apparently ManUtd used to wear green and gold pre-1993 when they were shit. Ironically, the fans taking part in the protest won’t have supported ManUtd back then.

Anyway, back to Beckham… after his current team, AC Milan, got destroyed and dumped out the Champions League, Beck’s thought it fitting to celebrate with the joyous Manchester United supporters and wear the Norwich City scarf (or whatever it’s supposed to be).  Fair enough. But then, following the match, he denied supporting the cause.

Did my eyes not deceive me? Did he not wear the scarf and applaud the fans? Let’s take a look…

Yes, he did. Silly Beckham!

What I think would be the funniest thing to ever happen in football, is if the American owners who the fans are protesting against, decided to change Manchester United’s kit next season to… yes, you’ve guessed it… green and gold – AKA, the Norwich City kit. Go on, Mr. Glazer – you know it makes sense.

For every ManYoo fan you upset, there will be a Leeds or Liverpool fan laughing.

This is a Public Service Announcement for anyone who has an electric fan assisted oven…

After cleaning, when repositioning the baking tray in your oven, please ensure you are not covering up the fan or the magical parts which produce the heat.

I failed to comply by the above notice. Had I not noticed the baking tray bouncing up and down on the base of the oven, things could have got nasty. Luckily, I did spot the problem and put it right, narrowly avoiding Bath’s very own 9/11.

What it would have looked like had my oven exploded

When I got home from work this afternoon, I was troubled to hear a strange sound coming from the walls of my flat. The noise meant one of two things – either a nest of giant, African killer bees had taken up residence in the wall cavities of my flat, or there were men outside drilling. Thankfully, for the safety of all mankind, it was the latter.

Luckily, it wasn't bees

Upon investigation – peering through the edge of my curtains like a nosey old woman – I noticed the men responsible for the racket were from Sky. I could tell this by the fact they looked like satellite engineers, were holding lots of cables and were wearing a jacket with ‘Sky’ on the front.

Long-term readers of my blog will know, that upon moving into my flat some 3 years ago, I was unable to receive Sky TV, due to the biggest tree in Bath (and possibly the universe) being situated next to my flat and therefore blocking the signal.

However, it would appear technology has advanced since I last did business with Sky. Either that or they have been able to hire some competent engineers who can fit a dish properly and are not afraid of heights.

What the big tree looks like... honest

I was half tempted to ask The Sky Brothers to drill a hole through my own wall and fit some cables so I too could enjoy the wonders of satellite. The latest advertisements make Sky appear so appealing and the thought of watching Wayne Rooney is high definition is enough to make anyone sell their grandmother to buy a fancy HD Box.

Fancy watching this face in HD?

However, I remember yesterday’s purchase of a digibox and the cute little robot, Digit Al. Besides which, Freeview is ‘free’ (hence the name) and anyone with a broadband connection and an IQ of 78 can work out how to get football and other such events, normally reserved for Sky customers, over the internet for fantastically low price of zero British Pounds.

Bath is 'going digital'

I went to Asda this afternoon. Always a massive mistake on a Sunday, as the whole of Bristol seems to descend upon Longwell Green, for a family outing.

The reason for my trip was not to buy groceries, though. As the TV adverts and junk mail through my letterbox keep reminding me, the West Country is ‘going digital’ this month. Apparently, this means if I wish to watch Match of the Day, Harry Hill’s TV Burp and the show where the bloke shouts “BRING ON THE WALL”, I need to buy a Freeview box.

With my birthday coming up, I was bought a such a box by my dad. Having tested Freeview before in my flat, I can confirm it does not work. Great. However, both the nice chap in Curry’s and the robot on the advertising campaign, assure me that on the date of the switchover (24th March), I will be able to get digital television.

Fingers crossed, otherwise the robot gets it.

As regular readers of my blog will know, I am a supporter of two football teams – Bath City and Leeds United.

Leeds, lead by Saint Simon Grayson (The Football God) had a fabulous start to the season, looking like they would be Champions by Easter. It is now March and chocolate eggs line the supermarket shelves. Yet, the silver-wear of the much sought-after League One trophy/cup/beaker couldn’t be further away from Elland Road.

Saint Simon Grayson’s angelic players are still in the automatic promotion places – just. They are desperately hanging on by their over-gnawed fingernails and are in grave danger of falling into the Play Offs – a place I would hate to see them finish, simply because of past-seasons encounters in them. Leeds’ record in The Football League Play Offs is, in fact, more painful than the whole of Jewish history… OK, maybe that was going a tad too far, although it has been pretty bleak!

In sharp contrast, my other team, Bath City, started the season poorly and had very little chance of success. Now, however, with just 11 games remaining, they find themselves comfortably in a Play Off position and in the best form since they won the league in 2007.

I know I will probably jinx my beloved City with this blog, but I really believe they have an excellent chance of ending this season on a real high and even playing in the Blue Square Premier next season.

Hopefully champagne, or rather cider, will be flowing come May, when Leeds win the league (or simply come second!) and Bath City triumph, winning promotion themselves.