Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on 28/06/2016 at 10:08 pm in England with No Comments


I’m not going to spend long doing this blog, as I don’t want to waste anymore of my life on the useless shower of shit that is the England National Football Team.

I’ll admit that I thought England would beat Iceland, but only because “on paper”, they should. I also had a very bad feeling about the game. A bad feeling because I have seen England teams fail time after time, in an unacceptable and humiliating fashion, during major tournaments.

The England footballers live in their own bubble, isolated from the rest of the world, where they believe that they are superior to every man, woman, child and non-English footballer. With that attitude, which has followed them around, like a fart in a car, since Euro 96, they thought they would just have to turn up in Nice and Iceland would roll over and be crushed.

Iceland had other ideas. With a population of just over 300,000 that means there are approximately 150,000 men. That leaves about 30,000 men between the age of 18 and 40 to choose from. That is less than the attendance at Elland Road. Iceland could turn up at Leeds United and pick 23 fans from the crowd, to play for them – and guess what, I bet that team would beat England too! An England side whose players get tens of thousands of pounds a week – millions of pounds a year – EACH! For what? Being English.

The England players are average, but because they’re English, cost a hell of a lot more than their superior foreign counterparts. They therefore think they are some form of football God. They’re not a God, they’re just lucky. Lucky that they live in a country which has a franchise known as The Premier League. Lucky that they’re surrounded by talented foreign players, who carry them throughout their club career, and make them look better than they are. They didn’t do anything to justify their millions, besides being born in England. If they had been born in Iceland, France or Germany, their weekly pay packet would be much smaller.

The result didn’t surprise me. I’ve seen England crash out of more tournaments than I care to remember. What did surprise me is the levels of shit they stoop to during every tournament.

The manager, Roy Hodgson has been equally embarrassing as they players. He should have left after the last World Cup, which was the most humiliating experience I have every witnessed as an England fan – until yesterday. Yes, he resigned yesterday – well fuckin’ done – Roy’s contract was up anyway. Had he had any decency, he would have resigned two years ago, but oh no, with his multi-million pound pay packet, Hodgson can revel in getting rich for failing (just like the players).

Roy was given years to find his preferred team, but even during the tournament he didn’t know his best formation or players. What a useless shit. The only thing you can guarantee is he will find a way to get Wayne Rooney into the team. England are full of average players, and Rooney isn’t even the best player in that team! He was great in Euro 2004, but that was over a decade ago!

I don’t know who will replace Hodgson. Whoever it’ll be will be the wrong appointment, as The FA never ever get it right. I really fear that they will go for Gareth Southgate – the England Under 21 manager. Southgate may have worked with the youngsters, but he has been everything the failure with them that Hodgson was with the senior flops. If the FA dare appoint Southgate, I’ve had it with them.

Posted by sean on 26/06/2016 at 3:23 pm in Holiday with No Comments


We have been enjoying a Cornish holiday, to celebrate our one year wedding anniversary; staying in a lovely wooden lodge, surrounded by picturesque countryside. The holiday promised lots of rest and relaxation – something we have received by the bucket load.

On our arrival, the lodge was spotlessly clean. We were treated to a pamper pack, with flowers, bathrobes, champagne and chocolates (well, it is our anniversary). One of the best things about the lodge was it came with its own private hot tub, which we enjoyed very much! I wish that I could fit the hot tub in the back of the car and take it home.

Something else that I’d like to take home, but Claire forbid it, was the hens and ducks, who live onsite in a cute little hen house. I will openly admit to holding a conversation with some chickens, who I am adamant talked back in their own way (probably asking for food). I’ll certainly think differently next time I eat a McNugget.

One of our trips away from the lodge was to the theme park, Flambards. I haven’t been there since I was a child. It has changed a lot since the 1990s. A few attractions from back then still remain, including the Blitz and Victorian exhibitions (although the latter seems a lot larger than I remembered). There are many new rides at the park, although one of my childhood favourites was still there – the spinning hot air balloons. As the weather was wet and we had just eaten lunch, we decided against going on any of the rides ourselves, especially after we overheard a child moaning how he was going to puke after getting off a fast moving rollercoaster. Flambards have their own amusement arcade, which always draw us in, like bees to honey. Claire is a fan of the claw machines, while I love the 2p pusher. I was a little disappointed with the quality of prizes on the 2p machine – no ceramic ducks or dogs, like we won at Butlins – just crap sweets, which were probably out of date and tainted with a taste of copper. I didn’t win anything anyway. Claire was equally saddened by the fact the claw failed to pick up any soft toy Minions for her.

The only downside about our holiday has been the weather. As I type this blog, on the final day of our break, the rain is battering our little lodge. It is nice and cosy, but not when you want to venture out and about. Another of our days out was into Bude town centre. Bude is a nice little town. We managed to buy some souvenirs and gifts from a shop, which smelt of a mix of dog and seaweed. A wonderful sweetshop was discovered, which we spent far too much money in, while sheltering from an almighty downpour of rain, which caused a river of water to run down the high street.

Last, and by no means least, we did what everyone who visits Cornwall should do – buy a pasty and cream tea. Pasties and cream teas from Cornwall are amazing – there is no competition. You must ensure you make your cream tea correctly, though. Jam onto the scone first, followed by the cream. To do it the other way (cream, before jam), is what they do in Devon, and sacrilege in Cornwall.

We have had an amazing holiday, despite the weather. It has been such a great way to celebrate our first wedding anniversary – we have already looked into coming back in future years. For those interested, we stayed in Ivyleaf Combe Lodges – I would recommend this place to anyone.

Posted by sean on 25/06/2016 at 9:47 pm in Have I Got News For You with No Comments


So the referendum is over and we are no longer a member of the European Union – and it sucks. I have no shame in admitting that I voted ‘Remain’.

When I first learnt the news, as well as being very disappointed, I was angry. Angry at the people who voted to leave. I assumed they were all doing it for selfish reasons. Walking down the high street, later that day, and noticing the elderly, I cursed them in my head, for being in one of the brackets who voted to leave.

A day later, I am feeling slightly different. Yes, I am still disappointed and yes, I still believe it was the wrong decision to leave, and something we will pay for in the future. However, my anger is not directed at the voters. We live in a country where we have the freedom to vote, without prejudice. This is something which we should cherish, as there are many places in the world where people are not given such a privilege. I may strongly disagree with those who voted ‘Leave’, but I respect their opinion and right to vote. After all, had we remained in the EU, I would be against anyone criticising my vote.

What I do think was handled badly were the campaigns in the run up to the referendum. Tabloid papers did a good job at trying to convince the British public that by leaving the EU, all our immigration issues would be solved, when in fact, there is nothing to suggest this is the case. There were also leaflets and posters suggesting that by cutting funding to the EU, more money would be available to the NHS. This has since been ruled out by pro-leave campaigners – funny how they only say this after the result!

As our Prime Minister, David Cameron should have done more to sell the positives of remaining in the EU, as should leaders of other parties. The one major difference I would have liked to have seen in the whole handling of the referendum, would have been to allow 16 and 17 year olds to vote. At that age, you can marry, as well as join the Army and go to war. It seems strange that young people of that age were not allowed to vote in something of such importance for the rest of their lives.

Nobody knows for sure what will happen as a result of Britain leaving the EU – we will just have to wait and see what unfolds and pray for the best. A sad day.

Posted by sean on 19/06/2016 at 9:18 pm in Animals, Have I Got News For You, Seagulls with No Comments


I read this story on the Bath Chronicle website.

A distraught pet owner believes her missing beloved blind pet rabbit was snatched by a seagull.

Nikki Coker believes Flump disappeared after someone – or something – broke into the hutch in her garden.

And she fears the little white bunny could have been carried off by a hungry seagull.

Worried Nikki thinks it is the third rabbit near her home in Redhill, Surrey, that has gone missing in the past week.

Nikki thinks her blind bunny could have been stolen by a burglar, but the way the hutch was broken into suggests that it could have been breached by a hungry bird.

She said: “I was taking some food out for him and he wasn’t there.

“The back gate was smashed open and all of the hutch doors were wide open.

“My house wasn’t broken into. It seems they just intentionally did it for the rabbit, which is quite strange.”

Nikki contacted the police to report the incident, but was told there was nothing officers can do.

She has also walked around looking for Flump, and printed posters.

The four-year-old rabbit is white and has quite distinctive “milky” eyes.

I love rabbits and it is very sad that one has probably died, but one part of the story doesn’t seem right.

The back gate was smashed open and all of the hutch doors were wide open.

Is it being suggested that a seagull smashed the back gate open, to get to a rabbit?

I can see why the Bath Chronicle reported this story (even though it didn’t happen in Bath). There are some parts of the country, where immigration is wrongly blamed for everything that goes wrong in the world. In Bath, all the locals blame seagulls for any trouble caused in the city.

Posted by sean on 17/06/2016 at 5:58 pm in England with No Comments


My time this past week has mainly been spent watching football. Lots and lots of football. I am loving the Euro 2016 tournament and there have only been a few games that I have missed, and this was because I was working while they were on.

Here are my thoughts on the tournament so far. These ramblings only cover England. I will try to blog my other thoughts on the tournament over the next few days…

I watched the Russia game, safely segregated from my meerkats. This match can be summed up in one word. FRUSTRATING! Russia are a poor team, but England struggled to break them down and had to rely upon a free kick from a defender, Eric Dier, to score. Despite the frustrations, I was encouraged by the team’s spirit and work ethic. What I was not encouraged by, is the team being typical England and throwing it all away in the final minute. That’s right, Russia scored with a good, but flukey goal, right at the end. I was so annoyed that night. My annoyance lasted into the following day too, and even into the start of the next week.

The build up to England’s second game against Wales, was huge, massive and enormous – as big as Steve Evans’ underpants, before he lost all the weight. Gareth Bale – the Welsh star player was piping up all week, claiming how Wales had more pride and passion, and how not one England player could get into their team. Go home, Gareth – you’re drunk!

I must admit, I was a little nervous before the game. Not because I think Wales are better than England – they’re not. I was worried because England are England, and have traditionally bottled everything during a major tournament. We haven’t won a knockout game in 10 years, and even that was against Ecuador, who are most famous for sharing their name with a popular dance track from the 1990s. Ten years. TEN YEARS! Just let that settle in for a minute…

Like in the Russia game, England started well. Raheem Sterling missed an absolute sitter. How he is worth £40,000,000, I have no idea. To spice things up and increase the ‘banter’, the BBC stuck proud Welshman, Robbie Savage, on commentary duties. Savage was a crap and annoying football player. He is an equally crap and annoying football commentator.

Wales were OK, but were generally happy to defend, defend, defend. That was, until Wayne Rooney stupidly gave away a needless free kick. To his credit, Rooney has played really well for England during this tournament, but it was still a very silly foul to concede. The predictable shit storm, that always follows England, then erupted. Pissing diarrhoea rained down on every proud Englishman. That’s right, Garteh Bale scored. It was a great goal, and well done to him and Wales, but the England goalkeeper, Joe Hart, should have done a lot better.

Going into the half time break, 1-0 down, things looked bad. The Welsh mocked us, with songs of “England’s going home”. England manager, Roy Hodgson, then performed a miracle (something his critics say he should have done all along), and brought on two of our most attacking players – Jamie Vardy and Daniel Sturridge.

Wales continued to defend and Savage became more and more nervous (and annoying). Midway through the second half, England’s resiliance pays off and Vardy scores. 1-1. Get in. Game on! Wales seemed happy with their draw, and continued with their tactics of ‘parking the bus’. Given the fact they had won their opening game and England had only drawn theirs, a draw against England would be a fantastic result for Wales. Then, something magical happened. In the final minute of the game, Roy’s second substitute, Daniel Sturridge, ran through the Welsh defence and SOMEHOW scored. The stadium erupted, Claire and I (watching on TV) started screaming, there were players and coaches on top of each other – it was mental.

The game ended 2-1. England are top of the group and in with an amazing chance of reaching the second round. It also gives two fingers to both of Garth Bale’s bizarre claims that England have no team spirit and that Wales have better players than us. Think before you speak, Gareth. Chat shit – get banged.

As for Roy Hodgson – he has taken a lot of stick recently. Some of it has been justified. He was criticised for not seeing the game out against Russia, and allowing them to equalise. If he is blamed when things go wrong, surely he should be credited with England’s success. Along with the players, Roy helped us turn the game around yesterday and beat Wales. Well done, Roy! Well done.

Sean's Stories

On this website, you’ll find me blogging (almost) daily about everyday life, living in Bath, working with computers, and the occasional bit of football stuff thrown in.

If you're expecting The Man Booker Prize, you've come to the wrong place. If you want to read a collection of sometimes eccentric, often disturbing and rarely amusing ramblings, gorge your eyes on this.

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