Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on August 21, 2019 at 11:44 pm in Leeds United with No Comments

I feel like I have now got over Leeds United defender, Pontus Jansson, being sold to Brentford.

Having re-read what I put in a blog post, just over six weeks ago, I think that I can safely say I have moved on…

It pains me to admit that Pontus was my favourite Leeds player. In my eyes and heart, he is irreplaceable. Leeds won’t be able to come close to buying a new player themselves of equal quality and will be a weaker side as a result.

Meh. We’ll do alright…

Whoever called football supporters fickle?

I even created a few additional verses, more relevant now, considering Pontus plays for Brentford and not Leeds…

Pontus Jansson’s magic,
He threw some plates around
So Leeds sold him to Brentford,
In that there London Town.

He beat the mighty Boro,
Then went to Hull and drew.
But when he played at Elland Road,
He didn’t have a clue!

See. Not bitter, not fickle and absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Leeds beat Brentford this evening and are top of the league. No. Definitely a coincidence.

Posted by sean on August 6, 2019 at 10:00 pm in Leeds United with No Comments

It’s not very often that I buy football shirts, which is surprising considering just how much I like the sport.The problem is that they are so stupidly expensive, it has to be something special for me to dig my hand in my pocket.

Thinking about it, I haven’t bought a shirt since 2015, when the club released a sponsorless beauty. I loved that shirt.

It was so good, that I didn’t just buy one shirt, I bought four. Home and away shirts before the season started, followed by the same pair, yet again some 10 months later, reduced in a sale.

Guess how many of these players have not been sold.
I’ll give you a clue – the figure rhymes with “hero”.

Shamefully, I don’t think I have worn the latest two, which still have the tags attached and remain in the wardrobe, where I placed them in 2017, after moving into the new house. In my defence, by purchasing these shirts, I felt that I did not need to buy any more new ones in subsequent years, therefore saving me money.

This is Leeds United’s Centenary Season, which means that they have been in operation for 100 years. I have only supported the club since the turn of the millennium, but due to the stress they have caused me, it feels like I have been following them for every one of those one hundred years.

Considering the significant of this season, you would have thought that the club would have done something special. Maybe bring back a classic retro badge or shirt – other teams have done similar in the past, with great success.

So, did the Leeds United fashion department come up with a fitting tribute, for the world famous club?

Look at this…

I’ll leave the above image to linger for a moment, like a particularly eggy fart in a lift.

If that badge looks familiar, you are clearly one of those of those people who wipes their bottom while stood up, meaning you get to have a good look into the toilet bowl to see the results of your hard work – admit it, you’ve done it!

Those who wipe sat down do not get to see a big pile of crap, as their efforts will be concealed by toilet paper.

These ‘sitters’ (myself included) will, however, get used to the sight of crap by the end of the football season, as I am sure the new badge will be unavoidable to all, but the most short-sighted of Leeds fans. Lucky speccies…

The design of the home shirt isn’t impressive either. Although, having that awful badge plastered on the front doesn’t help. Excrement is such an awful stain to get out of white.

Despite this latest installment in the Leeds United Comedy of Errors, the club have unintentionally created something pretty impressive.

Some of the greatest things were made by mistake – Corn Flakes, Coca Cola, Penicillin, and now the 2019/20 Leeds United Home Goalkeeper Shirt.

Nobody would normally remember the colour of their club’s home goalkeeper shirt, let alone buy one. However, this season’s offering is fantastic.

Gok Wan would burst with excitement.

As with most things in their history, Leeds can never get it quite right. Despite accidentally creating one of the best shirts in years, the damn things are as rare as rocking horse poo (sorry for so much turd talk).

The shirts are currently out of stock. Sold out. Presumably because the club underestimated the demand for the summer’s must-have fashion item.

After emailing the retail department, I was informed that they will not be getting any new stock until October! Presumably the kids in the sweatshop are taking a holiday, hence the long wait. Sean’s lawyer: There is no truth in this statement… Sweatshop employees don’t get holidays.

If I was a child, I would be as happy as Larry (not that I have ever heard of anyone under the age of 90 called Larry, let alone a minor). This is because there appears to be an abundance of child-sized shirts. Kids – they just don’t get fashion.

In case you were wondering, yes I have contemplated buying a shirt for a 13 year old boy – the largest child size available.

It could work… I’ve shrunk enough in recent years, due to scoliosis – plus as it’s for kids, I wouldn’t pay VAT. Up yours, Boris!

Despite having the height of a character from The Lord of the Rings, I don’t think I have the correct build to pull off (or even put on) a shirt, which would not seem out of place in Mothercare – or wherever the kids buy their attire these days.

Despite my jokes, this is all rather serious. I am going on a cruise soon. I believe that it is now a legal requirement for any football-loving Brit to identify themselves, by wearing his or her team’s colours while abroad. Presumably this is due to Brexit.

The final reason I specifically need the goalie shirt, is my other half. I am sure if she was asked, my devoted wife would call me a “keeper”. Awww…

Posted by sean on August 4, 2019 at 11:19 pm in Leeds United with 1 Comment

It was the start of the football season this weekend, and Leeds have thankfully got one of the fixtures I dread, out of the way already.

Bristol City. It’s not that they are an exceptionally good team. Also, while I will admit to not liking them very much, they don’t share the abhorrence which I hold for that red club from Manchester.

The reason why I am please the wait to play them is over with, is because living close to Bristol, I naturally know a number of Bristol City supporters.

If Leeds were to ever lose to them, my new Samsung S10 would have caught fire, after being bombarded with mocking text messages and the like, from so-called friends, gloating at the fact their team had beaten the once mighty Leeds United.

All’s well that ends well, as Leeds beat Bristol – as they normally always seem to do, which is quite a failing on the West Country club’s part, considering most other teams manage to beat Leeds, on a sadly all too frequent basis!

Despite Leeds’ great start to the season, I took the morale high ground. I did not gloat and not one message was sent to a Bristol fan, by  phone, computer, post or carrier pigeon.

I guess I felt a bit sorry for them. Look what happened to one supporter, when he heard the full time result…

Posted by sean on July 13, 2019 at 5:48 pm in Leeds United with No Comments

It’s great to see that despite the ongoing circus surrounding Leeds United, the club is still managing to attract a new generation of supporters – albeit possibly with some gentle persuasion from dad or mum.

This kid knows the words to Marching on Together better than most grown-up fans.

Full credit to @richleeds15 on Twitter for this excellent video, and thanks again for giving me permission to use it.

Posted by sean on July 9, 2019 at 8:53 am in Leeds United with No Comments

Pontus Jansson signing for Brentford.

He looks as pleased to be moving to London from Yorkshire, as I am about him leaving Leeds United.

“I’m in good health and they are treating me well.”

I’m not normally one to steal jokes for my blog, so feel the need to credit the above quote to the Twitter account @TheSquareBall.

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