Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on October 20, 2019 at 11:42 pm in Leeds United with No Comments

As a football club, what is the best way to celebrate your 100th birthday?

Obvious. Fleece your loyal supporters for every penny they have.

How do you do this? How about selling a commemorative shirt, that most fans would have to sell their own mums to afford.

Justify the very high price tag, by saying it’s “limited edition”.

Ironically, 100 years ago, £149 would buy you the fancy shirt, a book AND the player modelling it.

So “limited edition” was this shirt, that they were sold out by the time I had even started online window shopping. Proof that Leeds United either have some very wealthy fans, or a group of supporters who have a lot of explaining to, when Daddy asks if Mummy has cooked tea yet (no sexism intended).

Never mind – they’re on eBay* – the guaranteed place for a bargain…
* the shirts, not the mothers of Leeds fans.

Incidentally, if you want to buy a 200th anniversary shirt in the Year 2119, they’ll set you back £51k.

Overpriced memorabilia aside, I am sure all Leeds fans (myself included) wanted was a win this weekend…

With all the hype – and my God, there was hype – surrounding the centenary weekend, it was inevitable that Leeds would lose their match against Birmingham.

As sure as night follows day, that fixture had a one nil defeat written all over it. If Leeds United have taught me one thing, it’s that Leeds United are masters at fecking things up for themselves.

Amazingly, it was Leeds who won 1-0, ensuring the plan of fleecing the fans worked brilliantly. The supporters were pleased, which meant they no doubt spent even more money on food, drink and merchandise. This, in turn, made the owner pleased.

Everyone went home happy. Well, almost everyone…

Before you judge, this is Birmingham fans. No Leeds supporter was involved.

Apparently, The Brummie Army, or whatever they are calling themselves, were not too happy about losing to Leeds.

I suppose they naturally thought that Leeds would piss all over their own special day, gifting Birmingham a win. They obviously got a bit upset when things didn’t go to plan…

Maybe they were just sad about having to return to Birmingham and were having a temper tantrum – like a toddler in Asda. I can’t say that I blame them. I’d rather go to Syria, than The Bullring.

So, that’s that for another 100 years. Same time next Centenary?

Posted by sean on October 17, 2019 at 11:07 pm in Leeds United with No Comments

It’s Leeds United’s birthday today!

They have reached the big 100.

One hundred years old and Leeds are rotting in the second tier of English ⁷football.

Leeds are like a dear elderly relative in a depressing nursing home. Awful…

It is sad to see one of your loved ones, wandering through life, oblivious of everyone and everything around them, with no day-to-day plan, or what’s going on in general. Old age has left them confused, with a permanent aroma of excrement, which is impossible to hide, despite the best efforts of those around them. This is the state Leeds United have found themselves in… your relative probably doesn’t have half of these problems!

I wonder if Leeds got a telegram from The Queen?

Ever wondered what Her Majesty writes in the telegram?

Congratulations. It’s your birthday,
It’s time for lots of fun.
So roll this card up nice and tight
And stick it up your bum.

So now you know.

The English Football League wished Leeds a happy birthday, using social media. Given the club’s strained relationship with the EFL, such a move was never going to be a good idea – clearly somebody will be receiving their P45.

Here are just some of the predictable replies from Leeds fans…

Sums up the birthday rather well.

To non-football fans, or maybe even supporters of clubs who haven’t suffered dark days, Leeds United can best be compared to being in an abusive relationship. A relationship with a billionaire, who will buy you anything you desire. A relationship with the most incredible lover ever, who you share incredible sexual experiences with. A relationship where your billionaire partner regularly cheats on you. A relationship where, if you question where they have been, or have the audacity to breath in front of them, while they’re annoyed, they beat you black and blue.

Basically, supporting Leeds is like living with an amazing partner, who at times, brings you unprecedented joy; but is also capable of making your life a living hell.

That is my Leeds United in a nutshell.

Happy birthday, you loveable, horrible old bastard.

I would like to make it clear, that despite what I have written above, it should not all be taken literally. Old age is a serious problem in society and dementia is a terrible disease for those suffering from the condition, as well as their loved ones. Finally, domestic violence is abhorrent and while I used it in an attempt to describe how it feels to be a Leeds supporter, for the victims, nothing is comparable to the torture they live with day by day.

Posted by sean on October 7, 2019 at 10:56 pm in Leeds United with No Comments

This is the work of genius.

Posted by sean on October 2, 2019 at 8:13 pm in Leeds United with No Comments

Not only is Leeds United manager, Marcelo Bielsa, doing a fantastic job, but he is environmentally conscious!

How many people, yet alone football managers, would pick up their used chewing gum?

Marcelo Bielsa. Saving Leeds United. Saving the planet.

Posted by sean on August 21, 2019 at 11:44 pm in Leeds United with No Comments

I feel like I have now got over Leeds United defender, Pontus Jansson, being sold to Brentford.

Having re-read what I put in a blog post, just over six weeks ago, I think that I can safely say I have moved on…

It pains me to admit that Pontus was my favourite Leeds player. In my eyes and heart, he is irreplaceable. Leeds won’t be able to come close to buying a new player themselves of equal quality and will be a weaker side as a result.

Meh. We’ll do alright…

Whoever called football supporters fickle?

I even created a few additional verses, more relevant now, considering Pontus plays for Brentford and not Leeds…

Pontus Jansson’s magic,
He threw some plates around
So Leeds sold him to Brentford,
In that there London Town.

He beat the mighty Boro,
Then went to Hull and drew.
But when he played at Elland Road,
He didn’t have a clue!

See. Not bitter, not fickle and absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Leeds beat Brentford this evening and are top of the league. No. Definitely a coincidence.

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