Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on October 31, 2019 at 2:37 pm in Animals, Have I Got News For You with No Comments


I have been made aware of a group of rats, who have been taught to drive. Yes, you read that right – drive!

It made me wonder – how must people who do not hold a driving licence feel, when they watch this video? Do they realise that a rodent is a better driver than them?

In fact, these rats are probably better than many drivers who do hold a licence!

Considering the fact that I haven’t been behind the wheel of a car for almost six years, these long-tailed darlings may make better drivers than me; despite the fact I hold a valid licence.

Posted by sean on October 31, 2019 at 8:00 am in Internet with No Comments


Here is a test which will prove whether or not you have a dirty mind.

Look at the photo below. What do you see?

Please scroll down this blog post for the answers…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Keep going

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No cheating

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

almost there…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you said B – well done! Clearly you’ve seen this photo before.

If you picked A or C, you should have gone to Specsavers.

If your answer was D, you have a mind like a sewer; but undoubtedly see things in the same way as 99.9% of the UK population.

Posted by sean on October 30, 2019 at 2:08 pm in Work Activities with No Comments


Introducing the Office Bunny!

Yes, that is Shaun the Sheep peering up at the camera. He had been sitting on top of my computer for the past 5+ years, but was kicked off his throne this morning by Rabbit Di Nero.

I am aware that sharing my workspace with a stuffed, life size rabbit could be considered a tad excessive. As a result, I know that I am running the risk of coming into work one morning, to find this mouse mat on my desk…

Posted by sean on October 29, 2019 at 11:02 pm in Weather with No Comments


I was about to start writing a blog post about this wonderful Autumnal weather, when I had a vague recollection of a similar post I once made.

After a quick search, I discovered that it was almost exactly a year ago – 364 days – that I took to WordPress to blog about one of life’s small pleasures.

I love this time of year. I feel especially appreciative of the weather and the associated cool temperatures, after the horrendous summer we had.

Many may have forgotten, while some (sadists) actually enjoyed the extreme heat experienced throughout the season. Day after day, week after week, month after… you get the idea. It was hot.

“It’s HOT and we’re all going to die! I blame those bloody immigrants!”

When the weather is colder, it is a lot easier to feel comfortable. If you’re too cold, you can wear an extra layer of clothing.

On the other hand, if it’s too hot, there is only so much you can do. There were nights in July, where the heat was so extreme that had I taken off any more layers, I would be removing my skin! The heat was constant too – day after day, week… sorry – I’ve already done that bit.

If THIS is the alternative to the cold and wet, I’m happy to live in October forever.

Think of me as Goldilocks. Actually, don’t – she illegally broke into and entered a house, owned by a family of three law-abiding bears *.

Note: In 1996, as a student, Daddy Bear was issued with a police caution for defecating in the woods, during a night out with friends.

Goldilocks stole and consumed her victims porridge. One bowl was too hot, another had gone cold, but one was perfect. You know the story. I am like that with weather.

The hot bowl of porridge is a heatwave in the middle of July. The cold bowl is March 2018. Remember all that snow? I couldn’t get into work, despite living practically around the corner from my office. I therefore had to use two days of my annual leave, in order to cover my absence. Too cold.

Finally, or rather this time of year, I am Goldilocks eating Baby Bear’s porridge. A cruel and callous act, but the porridge and weather is JUST RIGHT!

What happens next to Goldilocks, very much depends upon which version of the book you were read as a child. The U (suitable for all) version, involves Mr, Mrs and Baby Bear returning home to find Goldilocks in a bed, sleeping off her breakfast. They disturb the sleeping thief, who wakes up and is obviously terrified to find three bears eyeing her up and thinking of lunch. She’s also aware of a 12 month suspended sentence for cheating Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother out of her life savings; so the porridge theft could land her in real trouble. Goldilocks runs away.

If, like me, you were read the PG (parental guidance) edition; instead of fleeing the scene of the crime, Goldilocks is brutally attacked by the bears; who later go on to eat her alive.

In court, the bears pleaded a similar case to Tony Martin. The farmer who shot and killed a burglar.

“Get orrrf my land!”

Remember, I did spend most of my junior school years in Bristol, so was read this version, instead of the less brutal tale, which I later heard attending a middle class, Church of England school in a wealthy area of Bath.

I hope the similarities between Goldilocks and myself are limited to an aversion to all things of extreme heat or cold, and I won’t be dealing with the equivalent of a bear attack anytime soon.

I have moved way off topic and things have become a little weird. Let’s therefore get back on track…

The cold, crisp Autumnal air is beautiful. Arriving home, to a toasty house, thanks to that wonderful invention, known as central heating. So cosy and welcoming. Add to the scenario, Claire and Roman waiting for me, with an almost unlimited supply of blankets, to warm me up – not forgetting food, drink and our large screen television!

I love it.

“It’s COLD and we’re all going to die! I blame those bloody immigrants!”

Unfortunately, rain is forecast for the remainder of the week, meaning that once I arrive home from work, enjoying a cosy house will be the last thing on my mind – I’ll be after a towel and change of clothes, after getting soaked!

Mind you, listening to the rain hammering against the windows, while snug in the house is blissful – assuming that I don’t have to go outside in it!

Posted by sean on October 29, 2019 at 8:52 am in Health, Work Activities with No Comments


This week is my last working five days

Monday to Friday is over for me.

From next week, I will no longer be working Tuesdays.

Dropping a day is not a decision that I took lightly. It will obviously have financial implications for me, plus now I have signed that change of conditions form, there is no going back.

You will probably be aware, either from either knowing me, or reading this blog, that I have had a particularly tough time, when it comes to my health over the last two years.

Thankfully, I have come out of the other side and am now much improved. Despite this, I still find work tiring and by the end of a five day week, am often left shattered.

I have noticed that, following a single day off work for a Bank Holiday, I feel remarkably better and less tired, come Friday evening.

I am therefore hoping that this new working schedule will leave me feeling even better, both physically and mentally.

Lastly, a treat for stats fans…

  • I have worked since 1st September 2003.
  • This is 16 years, plus a little bit more.
  • I have deduced days in account of weekends, Bank Holidays and annual leave and can reveal that I have worked appropriately 3,500 days *. This does not include deductions for sickness.

Pretty sure this justifies me in dropping one day a week…

26,250 hours, 1,575,000 minutes, 94,500,000 seconds.

… tomorrow I will tell you how many weeks I spent on the work toilet, over those last 16 years.

Considering that I have never worked for Sports Direct, you can be sure that the grand total will be a tad more than five minutes.

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