Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on July 30, 2019 at 11:16 pm in Weather with No Comments


When I left my house for work this morning, I entered a horrendous storm. Rain battered down from the sky. It was extremely harrowing.

The photograph above was not taken by myself. It may surprise you to know that it is not even of Bath! The photo is, in fact, from the Bahamas, during a spell of bad weather, caused by Hurricane Irene. I can never hear the name “Hurricane Irene”, without thinking of that song “Come on Irene”.

Let’s just say that this morning’s downpour was similar to that of Hurricane Irene, but not as bad. By “not as bad”, I mean that no houses fell down, no trees were torn from their roots, there were no major floods and nobody died.

Still, I thought it safer to nick a photo of a natural disaster, to represent my commute to work, instead of taking my own, as I still don’t fully trust the Samsung S10’s waterproof capabilities, and given how I haven’t owned it for long, I don’t want to risk drowning it when I am only two months into a twenty four month contract.

It took me 8 minutes to get from the front door of the house, to my office building. I don’t know if it is possible for a mobility scooter to be pulled over by the police for speeding, but had I passed an officer of the law, I am sure that I would have soon found out!

Despite driving like a 17-year-old Premier League football player, who has just passed his driving test and purchased a one-hundred-grand Ferrari, I made it unscathed. However, I was extremely wet.

Let me get one thing straight, I am certainly NOT complaining. In fact I welcome and even worship this wet weather. Until now, it has been unbearably hot for what feels like months – that’s because it has been months.

Sitting at my work desk and feeling what could almost be described as a tad chilly, is a gift from God, even if I only felt that way because my work shirt and trousers were saturated with rain water.

My only gripe with the weatherman is the fact he keeps promising us more thunderstorms. I love a good thunderstorm – the flash of lightning, followed by the unmistakable rumble of thunder.

If Michael Fish, or whoever decides who gets what weather when, could send a massive, violent storm our way, it would be greatly appreciated. Although please refrain from any storm-related action between 0840-0855 and 1700-1715 BST. I need these windows of time to ensure I make it safely to and from work.

As excited as I get watching a storm while indoors, I equally fear for my life, if I am outside during a lightning show!

Posted by sean on July 27, 2019 at 4:17 pm in Animals with No Comments


After seeing this beautiful photograph on Twitter, I couldn’t help but post it here.

Posted by sean on July 25, 2019 at 6:41 pm in Weather with No Comments


The other night every resident of Bath was awoken by an almighty storm.

The weather pages on the BBC website have been promising us a storm for weeks. The weatherman in the sky never delivered on the Beeb’s word, which is disappointing seeing as the BBC have always been renowned for their honesty… lol.

That is why, as Claire and I got into bed, when she informed me that storms were forecast for the night ahead, I uttered the immortal words “It’ll never happen”.

I must be a jinx…

It was at about 1am when it all kicked off.

Instead of telling you what happened, I am going to show you.

Here is a reconstruction of how the events unfolded. Jackie Stallone is playing the part of yours truly…

(talking in sleep)
 
“not with the pastry… not with the pastry…”

“FUCKING HELL!”

I don’t know how long the storm went on for, but thank goodness I was indoors, as rain battered the house.

As I lay in bed, I was treated to a lights show, with flashes coming from the bedroom window and onto the landing, through the glass on the front door.

It was some spectacle and one I made the most of, as we probably won’t get another until the next decade.

Posted by sean on July 24, 2019 at 7:58 pm in Television with No Comments


So, this is apparently happening…

<sarcasm>Well that’s just amazing news – I am so happy!</sarcasm>

To make matters worse, 2020 will be the first year where football will stop for a while, in order to give those <sarcasm>overworked players a break from their oppressive day job.</sarcasm>

This means, not only will I have to endure that awful reality television show, but there will be no football to cheer me up.

It’ll be just like the summer – except instead of the weather being horrendously hot, it’ll be frightfully freezing.

If my old English teacher is reading this, I hope he appreciates that fantastic use of alliteration.

Posted by sean on July 23, 2019 at 7:43 pm in Have I Got News For You with No Comments


There is never a good Tory, but some are worse than others…

A good way to understand this concept, is to compare them to a virus or disease. I am sure you would rather catch a common cold than rabies.

One is slightly annoying and may make you feel unwell for a few days. The other will cause you to grow gradually more insane, before eating the furniture and dying a slow, painful death.

I was just referring to viruses and not Tory MPs, in case you were wondering.

That is why I didn’t pay much attention to whoever was to win the Tory Leadership Poll – Boris Johnson or Jeremy Hunt. Both are on the Ebola level of Tory.

As we all now know, Boris won it. The bumbling buffoon, who, just half a decade ago, would have had less chance of becoming PM than Mr Bean.

At least he is sticking to his roots, by maintaining the “just don’t give a f**k” look with his hair. I have blondish hair too. I find that if I don’t have it cut for many months and go to bed immediately after taking a shower, I’ll awake to the Boris Johnson look. Shit – have I just revealed his secret? Sorry, Boris.

Finally, did you know “Johnson” is American slang for part of the male anatomy? The Urban Dictionary describes “Johnson” as…

Johnson

penis;

My johnson is large. 

I find this rather ironic, because had we not had a Johnson as our PM tonight, it would have been a

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