Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on January 3, 2019 at 5:27 pm in Television with No Comments

I was pleased to see the new series of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? return this week. It’s one of those shows which, a few years ago, ran its course and was rightly axed by ITV (are you paying attention, Simon Cowell). Now it’s back, everyone is loving it again (that doesn’t always apply – sorry, Simon)

However, now that I am a homeowner, I cannot watch WWTBAM in the same way in which I used to. This is because just over a year ago, I spent tens of thousands of pounds, and borrowed an awful lot more, to buy a property. When I started watching the series under Chris Tarrant, all my finances were calculated based upon how many DVD and Nintendo 64 games I could buy (which shows just how long ago that was).

The other night, a woman won £125,000. The problem was, that she also lost £125,000. Basically, she had £250k, became greedy and gambled it, in an attempt to win half a million pounds.

I was able to see the entire catastrophe unfold, because I knew the correct answer. My knowledge of historical explorers is next to nothing, but while the woman spent the majority of the hour-long episode, pondering over what she should do, I Googled the answer.

£125k is half the price of a small house. Of course, it all depends on where you live in the country – in London, it’s a small coat cupboard, whereas in Middlesbrough, you could buy an entire postal code.

When the woman started to ponder whether or not to risk losing the money, I was getting twitchy for her – YOU’RE GAMBLING HALF A HOUSE! HALF A HOUSE!

If, away from the television studio and Jeremy Clarkson’s evil gaze, she had been offered a chance to bet a six-figure sum on a racing horse, with the opportunity to double her money, she would have laughed in your face – any sane person would. Therefore, why do contestants lose their minds (as well as their money) on these TV game shows…

Greed? Excitement? Stupidity? A bit of all three, perhaps?

Posted by sean on November 25, 2018 at 12:02 am in Television with No Comments

I’ve been enjoying this year’s edition of I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! However, I am growing slightly annoyed by one camp mate. Anne Hegerty…

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not an Anne hater. She is my favourite ‘Chaser’ and I was excited when I read that she would be entering the jungle this year.

Anne has come across well on many occasions, since the new series started last Sunday. She is getting on with everyone and teaching both camp mates and viewers some fascinating (but useless) general knowledge – my favourite piece being that Birmingham City are the only football club not to have won a game, during the entire reign of a Pope. It was Pope John Paul I, if you’re interested. She also called Donald Trump a f**kwit, so quite frankly, deserves to win the show, on that alone.

Sadly, Anne won’t win the series. She might even be the first to get voted off, which would be a real shame.

The reason that I think The Governess’ days are numbered, is the same reason I am losing a bit of patience with her – she isn’t doing any of the Bushtucker Trials.

Anne probably has a jolly good reason for missing the scary challenges – she has a sick note – or, to be accurate, is ruled out on medical grounds.

I know that I am hardly athletic myself. The only thing I have in common with Mo Fahra, is that we both enjoy eating Quorn – and I bet he doesn’t eat the creamy Tikka Masala ready meal. However, unlike Miss Hegerty, I haven’t agreed to be paid tens, or even hundreds, of thousands of pounds to go on the show. Granted, the fact I am not even a z-list celebrity doesn’t help.

I kind of get the feeling the show’s producers have cleverly planned the trials around Anne – meaning, those trials which are very physical and clearly too much for the poor woman, are put out for the public vote. Those trials which you would feel Anne could do (eating bugs, for example), are only given to pre-chosen celebrities.

I really don’t wish to sound callous, as I like Anne and have physical issues myself; but I just wish we could see her squirm a bit with those spiders and snakes.

Posted by sean on November 13, 2018 at 12:13 am in Football, Television with No Comments

The rumours were right. Harry Redknapp is going into the I’m a Celebrity jungle – alongside a runner up from X Factor, someone from Hollyoaks (naturally) and a TV builder. Remember when ‘arry was linked with the England job? No, neither do I.

In anticipation of the new series, I have derised a drinking game, based around Mr Redknapp. I am practically T-Total these days, with the strongest drink passing my lips being Dr Pepper.

Don’t let my non-drinking stop you – all you piss heads out there, feel free to enjoy the SEAN’S STORIES HARRY REDKNAPP I’M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE DRINKING GAME 2018. Catchy name, isn’t it?

Take a shot everytime Redknapp…

  • Describes a camp mate’s performance in a Bushtucker Challenge as “fantastic”.
  • Describes his own performance as “triffic”
  • Says “you know”, while answering a question
  • Refers to his time in the jungle as a “breath of fresh air”

Drink a glass of wine if Harry…

  • Calls one of his camp mates a “top, top celebrity”
  • Praises Dec, by calling him a “top fella”

Drink a Jagerbomb if Harry…

  • Claims to have attempted to sign any of the celebrities, while he was manager of Bournemouth.

Drink a can of Castlemain if…

  • Harry picks any of the following, to write him a “letter from home”… Peter Crouch, Niko Kranjčar, Rosie the dog, or any of the 2008 FA Cup winning Portsmouth FC squad.
  • Harry avoids paying Kiosk Keith tax for his Dingo Dollars.

Down an entire bottle of vodka if…

  • Dec calls Harry a “wheeler dealer”, who replies “I’m not a wheeler dealer, I’m a fackin’ celebrity!”
  • Harry carries out any jungle interview from a car window.

Posted by sean on August 8, 2018 at 12:10 am in Television with No Comments

I continue to be off work sick and as such, have quite a lot of time on my hands. Having given up on using these free hours to teach Roman how to play chess – a challenge made even more difficult by the fact I don’t know the rules myself – I have taken to binge watching television shows.

The series which started this pastime, and one which I am still working my way through, is the US version of The Office. I’ve always been a fan of the original UK series and as a result scoffed at the mere thought of a remake. Then I discovered that it was created by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant. Given the fact that they are behind the British offering, it seemed unlikely that they would bastardise their baby for the Yanks.

I watched the first few episodes. Annoyingly, I really enjoyed them. It was funny, with lots of new jokes, as well as welcome gags from the original series.

But who am I to review the show? Season 1 is twelve years old! To emphasise how long ago that actually is, read this… In 2006, I played football; with no Claire in my life, I admired women in the park; and MSN still existed! Therefore, if you give a damn about this series, you’ve probably watched it a long time ago!

I am currently on Season 8 of 9. There are apparently about 200 episodes in total (Seasons 1 to 9). At a guess, I have around 30-ish left. I am starting to get a little bored. Maybe this is because I’ve watched so much of the series in such a short space of time; or perhaps The US Office just ran it’s course and became crap – if anyone ever says Gervais should have made more episodes of the UK version, this is surely an argument against such an idea. I personally think that I am finding the later season less amusing because the main character – the David Brent equivalent – played by Steve Carell left.
Still, I’ve come this far, I might as well finish the series off. The next show which I plan to devour is Roots. I have a feeling that going from a light-hearted sitcom in The Office to a brutal and disturbing drama about the slave trade, will be something of an experience…

Note: Before any know-it-alls comment on this post, I have since discovered that The Office was created in 2005, and not 2006. So there.

Posted by sean on January 30, 2018 at 10:56 pm in Television with No Comments

I took the unwise decision of watching the much hyped Piers Morgan interview of Donald Trump.

Well, I watched half of it. Anymore and I would have started vomiting blood.

Picture two of the biggest wankers on the world stage, massaging each other’s egos. That was what the gist of the hour long interview.

Piers didn’t even push Trump on difficult issues. By his own admission, he is friends with the President. Why couldn’t somebody impartial interview Trump and quiz him on his many controversies? I think we all know the answer.

It was just a waste of time, that only reinforces my belief that the American President is a massive bell-end.

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