Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on April 30, 2019 at 11:29 pm in Movies with No Comments


So, the trailer for the Sonic the Hedgehog movie dropped today…

When I use the term “dropped”, I’m not being hip or “down wit da kids”. I mean dropped as a verb.

For example:
The turd which had been hanging from the anus, finally dropped into the toilet bowl.

Had a movie about Sonic the Hedgehog been announced 25 years ago, the childhood-me would have immediately dropped into his underwear, with excitement.

Despite me still being a Sonic fan, I was thankfully able to control my bodily functions. Maybe that was because I wasn’t quite as excited as I should be.

This is the Sonic that I remember…

The trailer is nothing like this. At times, it reminded me more of the effects of the ketamine, which I was given, while on the operating table, back in January.

Why is Dr Robotnik portrayed by Jim Carrey?

Do the movie producers know who the character actually is?

A mad scientist, with a morbidly obese BMI, furious temper, thunderous voice and wild hair. Step forward, Mr Brian Blessed.

No doubt the movie will be crap. But kids will pay to watch it, however poor it is. The one thing it may have going for it, is the fact it’ll be one of those films that is so bad, it’s good. OK, not “good”, maybe “average”. I’m sure a lot of people will watch it… once it ends up on those pirate websites.

I think I’ll give the cinema a miss, instead waiting for the Directors Cut edition on DVD. This version is said to include deleted scenes, featuring Dr Robotnik recovering, after Sonic blew up his flying-car-thingy. He suffers some quite horrific third degree burns, which require a skin graft, followed by months of painful rehabilitation.

 

Posted by sean on April 29, 2019 at 10:57 pm in Work Activities with No Comments


What an utterly fabulous way to start a working week!

The departmental lift, which makes it possible to get to my desk, on the first floor, and do my job, broke down today.

To make matters worse, the lift decided it would pack up shop and stop working, after it had transported me to the first floor.

I was trapped. Held hostage in the IT department, by an infernal glass tank, whose sole purpose is to go up and down, up and down, up and down, all day. It had one job to do*, and it couldn’t even manage that.

* OK, two jobs. Going up AND going down.

As the day went on, with morning turning into afternoon, the lift remained out of order. I began to wonder if I would get home at all and would I have to pitch a tent for the night. A horrific thought, but if I could claim the camping trip as overtime or lieu, I would be laughing.

For a second, I did consider driving my mobility scooter down the stairs – like the car chase scene in The Italian Job. I’ll be honest, I’ve never seen the film – the original or the remake, so don’t know if this kind of reckless behaviour ends well. In real-life, those involved in the chase, would almost certainly receive a speeding fine in the post and 3 points on their licence – especially as most residential and inner-city areas, carry a 20mph limit.

I soon had a change of heart, deciding against performing the stair stunt. I’ll admit that becoming the love-child of Michael Caine and Brian Potter, is tempting – however, I would still be staying overnight at work, as a result.

Worse still, the stay wouldn’t be in my office. Instead, I would be renewing acquaintances with the nurses on the orthopaedic ward, where I stayed three months ago, after I broke my leg.  I wouldn’t even get any lieu time, and I’d need to buy a new mobility scooter.

Thankfully, it was a good end to the day. The lift was fixed, meaning there was no IT sleepover to be had and I didn’t have to risk life and limb (literally), by riding down the stairs.

Posted by sean on April 28, 2019 at 12:47 am in Fun At Home, Geek Stuff with No Comments


I had a power cut today. I’m pointing the finger of blame at Storm Hannah. Bitch.

Losing electricity is always a shocking and distressing experience. It’s up there with your water being cut off, or a sudden disappearances of all oxygen and air.

Imagine if I had been blogging at the time of the thoughtless power interruption. What would have happened? Nothing, actually. I blog from either my mobile, tablet or laptop – all of which run on batteries.

OK, imagine if I was blogging from a desktop PC. A desktop PC, which is NOT attached to a UPS. The power is cut. What would have happened? Not much. I would be typing into Microsoft Word or direct into WordPress, both have excellent autosave features.

Right… picture this. I’m blogging on an Amstrad 8512. There is absolutely no autosave facility or uninterrupted power supply. There is also no internet connection – a basic requirement, to update one’s blog – but let’s forget about that small, immaterial factor…

It’s 1985. I am blogging on my monochrome, green text, £600+ Alan Sugar baby. The power is cut. What would happen? I’ll show you…

GREAT WIN FOR LEEDS TODAY. WE BEAT OXFORD 1-0. PRETTY ANNOYED WE’RE NOT GETTING PROMOTED THOUGH. WE NEVER WIN ANYTHING. APPARENTLY THERE IS A NEW FILM COMING OUT THIS SUMMER. IT’S ABOUT TIME TRAVEL AND IS CALLED BACK TO THE FUTURE. I WISH I COULD TRAVEL TO THE YEAR 2019. I BET LEEDS WOULD BE AMAZING THEN. THE AWFUL TORY GOVERNMENT WILL BE A THING OF THE PAST TOO! THE COLD WAR WILL BE OVER AND THE RUSSIANS WILL BE OUR FRIENDS AND FULLY TRUST-WORTHY.

I THINK I’VE TAKEN TO THIS NEW COMPUTER VERY WELL. CONSIDERING I AM JUST 3 YEARS OLD, I CAN OPERATE IT BETTER THAN I CAN MY POTTY!

MY FRIEND BEN HAD A POWER CUT EARLIER. HE WAS PLAYING ON HIS PLAYSTATION 4 PRO AT THE TIME. I DON’T THINK I’LL BOTHER WITH A PLAYSTATION 4 – THERE’S NO CHANCR IT’LL BE BETTER THAN MY HANDHELD COPY OF MRS PACMAN.

I’M SO GLAD THE POWER CUT DIDN’T HIT MY HOUSE. THAT WOULD HAVE CAUSED NO END OF PROBL_________________

**** DISKETTE FAILURE ****

**** NO POWER FOUND. ****

ACTUALLY, HOW AM I, AN AMSTRAD 8512, MANAGING TO DISPLAY THIS ERROR, WITHOUT ELECTRICITY? I KNOW ALAN SUGAR MADE ME, BUT I’M NO SUPER COMPUTER. GHOSTS? MAYBE.

I’M TURNING MYSELF OFF NOW, WITHOUT SAVING YOUR WORK. IN FACT, I’M GOING TO CORRUPT THE INTERNAL HARD DRIVE – YES, ALL 512 KILOBYTES OF IT!

TURNING OFF IN 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

See, the my 3-year-old self, from 1985, would be screwed! Alan Sugar – you’re fired!

Posted by sean on April 27, 2019 at 11:48 pm in Rabbits with No Comments


Posted by sean on April 26, 2019 at 3:39 pm in Leeds United with No Comments


A certain Yorkshire-based football club became the champions of England.

It was only today that I put two and two together, and realised my blog’s birthday shares this anniversary.

Pretty ironic that my blog – created 12 years after the historic sporting achievement of 1992 – was made as a means for me to moan about Leeds’ relegation and general crapness.

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