Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on March 13, 2019 at 9:48 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


March 12th.

It was a very special birthday yesterday…

In my last blog post, I congratulated the Internet on reaching the grand old age of 30.

Despite being the backbone behind the World Wide Web, email and E-commerce; the Internet shares it’s birthday with someone even more important…

Happy Birthday to Roman the Rabbit!

Only joking! The important birthday boy in the photo is me. Roman’s birthday was last month.

I won’t say on this post how old I am, but I have mentioned this birthday on many recent blog entries. Therefore, if you don’t known and want to find out, I guess you’ll have to trawl back through some past blogs! Trust me – you won’t have to look far!

When you need so many candles for your birthday cake, that the shop sells out!

I was very spoilt by my family – receiving many lovely pressies and cards. I was given far too many gifts to list here, although I will show you a card I was given by Roman.

I always knew ‘Rome’ was a bunny of many talents, but designing, ordering, buying and writing a card surpasses everything impressive he has done previously!

Thank you go everyone who bought me presents, wrote me cards and made the effort to send me good wishes on social media.

I feel that I must also thank my two football clubs, for giving me 3 points each, by both winning last night.

Leeds, whose game against Reading was (luckily for me) on Sky, played superb. Considering I normally hate watching Leeds play, due to my nerves being shot to shreds, I really enjoyed the match. Therefore, thank you Leeds for not playing shit and allowing me to have a birthday, free from panic attacks, or mild mental breakdowns.

 

Posted by sean on February 7, 2019 at 11:41 pm in Fun At Home, Rabbits with No Comments


Roman and I both had a nasty experience today. Mine came first…

Late morning, the doorbell rang. I have been expecting a delivery of coffee pods, so became excited at the thought of a delicious cup of java. Disappointingly, there was no coffee-delivery at the front door. Instead, it was a district nurse. She hsd returned, following a visit earlier in the week, to remove stitches from my leg, after the surgery I had two weeks ago. So, not only was she NOT coffee, but she had turned up to inflict pain upon me. Not cool!

I wasn’t the only one to suffer today. As I have mentioned, this morning, today is Roman’s birthday. Without considering the date, at the time of making the appointment, we had booked him into the vets to have a vaccination booster injection, as well has getting his nails done. He’s such a tart!

As I am still recovering from my operation (did I mention I’ve had surgery?), I stayed at home and left Claire and my dad to take our furry cherub for his treatment. By all accounts, he didn’t seem to notice the jab, in his back. What he did object to – very predictably – was the nail treatment…

OK, I know Roman has no bollocks (literally!), but even he hasn’t resorted to pedicures and nail extensions. The nails on his toes, were getting fairly long, so we thought that he would benefit from having them cut. One of the downfalls of being a pampered house bunny. Had we kept him outside, in a hutch, exposed to all elements and local predators; he would have toughened up and kept his nails trim – either by running around on hard ground (as opposed to a carpet), or by scratching the eyes of cats, foxes and owls, trying to eat him. It’s the price he pays for being spoilt!

Finally, it wasn’t JUST us two boys, to have a nasty day. The lady of the manor – my lovely wife, Claire – had a painful accident herself. Quite possibly worse than what her hubby and bunny had to put up with! She sliced her finger with a knife, while cutting tomatoes. Luckily, there was no need to visit A&E, and besides the pain and blood, the only other outcome from the injury was a lot of swearing and use of plasters.

Posted by sean on January 9, 2019 at 7:37 am in Fun At Home with No Comments


Those Neighbours From Hell documentaries are good, aren’t they? The stories involving crazy individuals, sharing the same street, while fighting like cats and dogs, can be a little frighting at times.

If you have never watched these shows before, they are a little bit like this…

Mr Smith’s new fence blocks out his neighbour, Mr Green’s sunlight. Mr Green burns down the fence.

Mrs Wallis allows her dog, Pebbles, to do his business in Mr Walker’s garden. Mr Walker shoots the dog.

Miss Evans has had a new baby. It cries at night and disturbs her neighbour, Mr Mitchell. I think you know what happened next.

What are these people like? How we laughed!

I have my own troublesome neighbour story. You won’t see me on Channel 5 anytime soon, though. Thankfully, I have been raised to believe that it is wrong to burn down fences and kill family pets.

If I was to have a rivalry with a neighbour, it would be on more of a Homer Simpson and Ned Flanders level. When I say that, I’m on about pre-Season 4 Simpsons; where “heck” was considered swearing and Bart cheating on an IQ Test, was thought to be pushing the boundaries of television decency.

The rivalry started some time ago, when we took in an Amazon delivery for our neighbour. Expecting them to collect their parcel, we left it at the bottom of our stairs for days.

After an entire week, the package was still uncollected and by this point, was starting to gather dust. We decided to do the neighbourly thing, don our courier uniform and deliver the unclaimed box to them. Upon taking it from us, they sheepishly muttered a few words of gratitude.

We let the Amazon issue go and moved on with our lives. However, I was drawn to blog by another act of heinous cheek…

Nobody knows when their rubbish and recycling boxes are going to be collected. It’s the same every January. As the bin men are given Christmas and New Year off, they have to play catch-up, until what feels like Easter.

Monday was bin day. The night before, Claire, Roman and I were happily watching some nitwit blow £93,000 on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, when we heard a noise outside. While Roman and me – the two men of the household – stayed indoors, safe and warm, my brave wife went outside to investigate…

Somebody had placed one of their rubbish bags in our bin! Based upon previous incidents, along with the fact “Flanders” had his front room lights on, the Mulder and Scully in us determined the bin bag fairy was our favourite neighbour!

Why we will never hire a skip

For almost two years, the people of Bath have been limited to just one wheely bin a fortnight, to dispose of their rubbish. While this decision caused outrage and lots of angry letters to the local newspaper, Claire and I didn’t have a problem.

Being a pair of goody-two-shoes, we recycle almost anything that is possible to recycle. Therefore, one wheely bin is generally enough for us – although, admittedly, Claire did take a few bags to the local tip, due to the extended period we faced over Christmas, with no collection.

Like us, all our other neighbours found a way to deal with their Christmas rubbish. So why is Ned Flanders an exception to the rule?

I don’t want to sound like Victor Meldrew – although I know that writing a massive blog on the subject, doesn’t look good for me. I appreciate that people do run out of space in their bin. So why don’t they fecking ask?

Had Flanders shown us some common courtesy, rang our doorbell and asked if he could use our bin, we honestly would have allowed him to (although I cannot guarantee that I wouldn’t have blogged about it).

Maybe next time we will leave a mad fox in the bin – a nice surprise for any unsuspecting Bin Bag Fairy. Or maybe we’ll just completely fill the bin with our rubbish.

Posted by sean on November 5, 2018 at 11:27 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


We were relatively unscathed by fireworks this year. There is a good reason why 2018 has given me cause for concern over those pretty bombs people are buying.

My worry has nothing to do with safety. Although if fireworks had been introduced as a new invention nowadays, their creator would be shipped off to Guantanamo Bay quicker than Donald Trump on his way to judge a water-boarding contest.

Think about it. Fireworks are being sold with the intention of parents detonating explosives in their garden, in front of their impressionable kids. There’s your radicalisation of minors, right there – and as for burning Guy Fawkes on a fire…

No. My worry this year is about Roman and how he would react to the loud bangs. Some local moron let off a firework in September and he was left traumatised.

Luckily, it would appear that people can’t afford fireworks this year – lets blame Brexit – so either stayed at home, watching Strictly Come Dancing, or ventured into town for a professional display. If Brexit has indeed left people so poor that they can no longer afford to buy gunpowder, I think that I have discovered the first positive in leaving The EU.

No money means no fireworks, and no fireworks means no problems for our bunny. I think the late rapper, Notorious B.I.G. best described this situation when he said “Mo Money, Mo Problems”.

The only time I heard any real fireworks of note was at about 2.30am at the weekend. What arsehole lets them off then? Besides waking me up, there waa no harm done. I even checked Roman on the webcam. He was fine. As for Claire, she slept through it all. My friend, the tawny owl, was also heard for the first time since winter – either that, or they now make fireworks which go “twit twoo” instead of bang.

So that’s it. Bonfire Night over for another year, with no real events at all. How did I managed to blog 361 words about bugger all?

Mind you, saying nothing happened isn’t strictly true yet – there’s another 33 minutes left before midnight in the UK and over 5 and a half hours in Washington DC. Shit…

Posted by sean on October 31, 2018 at 11:12 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


We had no trick or treaters this year. Not one. Zilch.

I can hardly complain – Claire brought chocolates to dish out to any kids who came calling. Considering we now have two spare boxes, it would be rude not to make use of them!

Also, it’s a good thing that I didn’t invest in this mask…

 

 

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