Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on May 20, 2019 at 10:13 pm in Fun At Home, Rabbits with No Comments


Cuddles on the sofa

and if that wasn’t sweet enough…

Posted by sean on May 11, 2019 at 10:20 pm in Fun At Home, Trains with No Comments


I found this video on Twitter. If you have an account yourself, you’ve probably seen it too, as it has been reposted in various forms, about a gazillion times.

I’m not normally one to jump on the bandwagon, when things go viral online, but thought this was rather cool.

The world-renowned train, The Flying Scotsman, was clearly doing a tour and attracted a lot of interest from railway enthusiasts, hoping to witness the famous locomotive.

This video – originally tweeted by @katharinerudden – shows one excited trainspotter, preparing to film The Flying Scotsman, as it passes their house.

All seems to be going to plan until…

On a separate note, for as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to have a train track at the rear of my garden. I am sure Claire does not share my dream, so I did not make that a requirement when choosing our new home, two years ago.

We have a lovely view from our bedroom window – hills backing directly onto open countryside, where cows often graze. I am sure many folk, who reside in large cities, would give one of their smog-filled lungs, for a view like ours.

I am grateful to live so close to Farmer Giles, his bovine livestock and the owl that occasionally hoots at night. I would be even happier to watch the 07:42 Cross Country, from Chippenham to Bristol Temple Meads, tearing past my bedroom window, at 90mph – occasionally joined by Stephenson’s Rocket, the Orient Express and the time travelling train from Back to the Future 3.

Posted by sean on May 7, 2019 at 9:17 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


Remember that Australian television soap, Neighbours? It used to be good, didn’t it – about 25 years ago!

The last I heard, it had been relegated from the teatime slot on BBC1, to Channel Five. Presumably sandwiched in between a documentary about womem who make rice pudding from their own breast milk, and reruns of Animal Hospital.

Even back then, the dog knew he was up to no good…

The soap had a much-renowned theme tune, which featured the the line

That’s when good neighbours, become good friends.

Rubbish.

No matter where you live on the planet, everyone has a neighbour, who, quite frankly, is a right royal pain in the bum. Oh, and if you’re reading this blog and thinking that you don’t have an annoying neighbour on your street, it’s you!

Our annoying neighbour has been mentioned on this blog before. Here are just a couple of their ‘crimes’…

  • Not collecting their parcel, which was left with us, for a week. In the end, we had to don our Postman Pat hat and bring it to them.
  • Not recycling. While Sir David Attenborough would happily feed these people to a great white shark, for not putting their empty plastic bottles into the green recycling bin, I don’t have a major gripe with them not doing so – it’s none of my business. What is my business, is owing to the fact they don’t recycle, their wheely bin becomes full, with tin cans, glass bottles and newspapers – things that can all be recycled. As a result, every night before bin day, without fail, they sneak out of their house, armed with a full bag of crap, and try to offload their excess into other people’s bins. I have been known to go around the house, actively seeking things which I can throw away – therefore filling our own bin, so they can’t. This may sound incredibly mean – however, all our neighbours need to do, is ask if we mind taking their rubbish. I would, of course, say “no problem”, before handing them a Greenpeace leaflet, with a dolphin’s mouth trapped in a bottle of Irn Bru.

See… mail order deliveries and stealing bin space. We’ll be starring in the TV series Neighbours at War, on Channel Five, very soon…

Anyway, enough of all that. Onto the latest thing the neighbours have done, which really grinds my gears…

As I made my way up the path to the house, I clocked the aforementioned neighbours. They were in their front garden, as was their pet dog – an excitable pug.

I have encountered the pug before, when it was being taken for a walk. The dog has never been fierce or aggressive, but as with many pugs, he appears to suffer from breathing difficulties. What appears to be the dog trying to bark, in reality sounds like an elderly man, suffering with a chest infection and coughing up an entire lung.

During our latest meeting, the croaking pooch was not on a lead. As I drove towards my front door, I saw he dog. He saw me. I continued my journey. The dog turned and sprinted towards me…

To look at a pug, you wouldn’t consider it to be an athletic breed. However, once I had been spotted, the porky pug morphed into a whippet, before dashing towards me. I don’t know how fast it ran, but considering my scooter’s top speed is 4mph, I am willing to guess that the dog ran a tad faster than that!

My dad was with me at the time. The pug headed straight for him, but backed off after he called it a stupid dog and told it to go away.

With my dad having intimated the pug enough for it to leave him alone, its attentions were turned to me – cheers, dad!

Puggy paced around my scooter, trying to work out what the strange contraption was. How was a man attached to a machine? In the dog’s eyes, I must have looked like the Dalek’s leader.

As I said earlier, the dog has never appeared aggressive, so I was not concerned about being attacked by it. I’m sure it is a case of its bark being funnier than its bite.

My naughty neighbour, who was also outside, noticed the standoff and came to collect the dog. A half-felt apology was offered and we were told that they thought puggy had been indoors – something I struggle to believe, as no doubt their K9 friend would have been grunting and snorting at their ankles all afternoon.

Posted by sean on April 28, 2019 at 12:47 am in Fun At Home, Geek Stuff with No Comments


I had a power cut today. I’m pointing the finger of blame at Storm Hannah. Bitch.

Losing electricity is always a shocking and distressing experience. It’s up there with your water being cut off, or a sudden disappearances of all oxygen and air.

Imagine if I had been blogging at the time of the thoughtless power interruption. What would have happened? Nothing, actually. I blog from either my mobile, tablet or laptop – all of which run on batteries.

OK, imagine if I was blogging from a desktop PC. A desktop PC, which is NOT attached to a UPS. The power is cut. What would have happened? Not much. I would be typing into Microsoft Word or direct into WordPress, both have excellent autosave features.

Right… picture this. I’m blogging on an Amstrad 8512. There is absolutely no autosave facility or uninterrupted power supply. There is also no internet connection – a basic requirement, to update one’s blog – but let’s forget about that small, immaterial factor…

It’s 1985. I am blogging on my monochrome, green text, £600+ Alan Sugar baby. The power is cut. What would happen? I’ll show you…

GREAT WIN FOR LEEDS TODAY. WE BEAT OXFORD 1-0. PRETTY ANNOYED WE’RE NOT GETTING PROMOTED THOUGH. WE NEVER WIN ANYTHING. APPARENTLY THERE IS A NEW FILM COMING OUT THIS SUMMER. IT’S ABOUT TIME TRAVEL AND IS CALLED BACK TO THE FUTURE. I WISH I COULD TRAVEL TO THE YEAR 2019. I BET LEEDS WOULD BE AMAZING THEN. THE AWFUL TORY GOVERNMENT WILL BE A THING OF THE PAST TOO! THE COLD WAR WILL BE OVER AND THE RUSSIANS WILL BE OUR FRIENDS AND FULLY TRUST-WORTHY.

I THINK I’VE TAKEN TO THIS NEW COMPUTER VERY WELL. CONSIDERING I AM JUST 3 YEARS OLD, I CAN OPERATE IT BETTER THAN I CAN MY POTTY!

MY FRIEND BEN HAD A POWER CUT EARLIER. HE WAS PLAYING ON HIS PLAYSTATION 4 PRO AT THE TIME. I DON’T THINK I’LL BOTHER WITH A PLAYSTATION 4 – THERE’S NO CHANCR IT’LL BE BETTER THAN MY HANDHELD COPY OF MRS PACMAN.

I’M SO GLAD THE POWER CUT DIDN’T HIT MY HOUSE. THAT WOULD HAVE CAUSED NO END OF PROBL_________________

**** DISKETTE FAILURE ****

**** NO POWER FOUND. ****

ACTUALLY, HOW AM I, AN AMSTRAD 8512, MANAGING TO DISPLAY THIS ERROR, WITHOUT ELECTRICITY? I KNOW ALAN SUGAR MADE ME, BUT I’M NO SUPER COMPUTER. GHOSTS? MAYBE.

I’M TURNING MYSELF OFF NOW, WITHOUT SAVING YOUR WORK. IN FACT, I’M GOING TO CORRUPT THE INTERNAL HARD DRIVE – YES, ALL 512 KILOBYTES OF IT!

TURNING OFF IN 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

See, the my 3-year-old self, from 1985, would be screwed! Alan Sugar – you’re fired!

Posted by sean on March 25, 2019 at 11:14 pm in Fun At Home with No Comments


Guess what? After being off work since January, due to a mix of sickness and annual leave, following my leg break, I am returning to the office tomorrow.

That’s two entire months off work. Some people have said that breaking a major limb is a rather extreme measure to take, to avoid the inevitable ribbing, from colleagues, about Leeds United’s spying scandal. I feel it was a necessary step to take – not that I was in any position to be taking steps, at the time of the fracture!

NOTE FOR MY EMPLOYERS: For the purpose of clarity (and retaining my job), the above paragraph is a joke. My leg did break. It was the single-most painful experience of my entire life. Would I inflict such trauma on myself, all for the love of a second tier football club? Would I feck.

In preparation for my return, I have been getting things ready – clothes, food, drink, nunchucks (again, please refer to the above note) etc. This involved removing the contents of my work bag. Considering I only use this bag for work and I have been off since January, I was intrigued (and slightly scared) about what I might find.

Here is what I discovered in the treasure trove…

  • A scarf, gloves & woolly hat. It’s easy to forget that the weather was somewhat cooler, at the time of my fracture.
  • ID badge and Smartcard. The ID badge is used to get me into the building and stops the security team from kicking my arse, when I am unable to prove that I am not Osama bin Laden. The smartcard is used to get me into the computer and stops my colleagues from kicking my arse, for finding another excuse to shirk doing my job for another two months.
  • Various supermarket shopping bags. At five pence a bag, they’re worth their weight in gold. I’ve been carrying around a small fortune!
  • An unopened yoghurt. By far the most disturbing discovery from my ‘bag of wonders’ – and the inspiration behind today’s blog. Sadly, the yoghurt is worth considerably less than the shopping bags – unless it is required for scientific research. The yoghurt in question is a Muller Corner Chocolate Banana Muesli Yoghurt. Sounds delicious. It’s not. One spoon of this would probably kill you. The use by date was 21st January. However, what made my discovery even more worrying, was the fact my uneaten breakfast had been festering in my bag, without any means of refrigeration. The yoghurt is now in the bin. If anyone does wish to take it for a science experiment, use in a nasty chemical weapons attack, or a tastier and healthier alternative to a Pot Noodle, our bin day is this Friday. Help yourself.
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