Posted by sean on April 26, 2015 at 6:11 pm in Wedding with No Comments

As I type this blog, there are just 54 days until the wedding.

This means that in less than 8 weeks, I will be a married man and this finger will have a ring on it!

I still have a list of things I need to do before the big day…

1. Organise a stag party
2. Buy shoes for wedding
3. Buy clothes for honeymoon
4. Write my speech
5. Finish ‘list of things I need to do before the big day’

‘1’ will be a surprising one for lots of people, as for many men the stag weekend/night is more important than the wedding! A former colleague of mine is getting married later in the summer and as a result, will be watching England play Australia in The Ashes. That is one thing I would have done. Alas, the International Cricket Council refused to move the tournament forward and therefore prevented me from watching some cricket in April. Selfish bastards.

‘2’ is less of a concern, although, of course, more important. I could hardly turn up to my own wedding barefoot or in trainers. I hate clothes shopping and I despise buying shoes even more. I think I will just go to Asda, as all their shoes are ready to buy. You don’t have to take a freakishly small or large shoe to the counter and ask the assistant to go out the back into Narnia, to hunt for a pair which fit your own feet.

‘3’ is in hand. I went clothes shopping with Claire on Friday and spent all of £77 in Primark. For that amount of money, I bought practically an entire wardrobe. Had I spent £77 in Superdry, I would have walked out with a sock. Given the fact all my recent holidays have been to the likes of Weymouth, Dawlish Warren and Minehead, I don’t exactly have suitable attire for the honeymoon, which will involve visiting various European countries. They will be hot. Very hot. If I was to walk around Rome, in the summer sun, wearing jeans and a hoody, I would probably die of heatstroke. I’m already going to look like a typical Englishman to the locals. I don’t want to look like a typical Englishman boiling to death from the inside, because he is wearing a football scarf and hat.

‘4’. My speech. If you asked me why I am writing this blog and not my speech, you would have a very good point. I can hardly read from Sean’s Stories before the wedding breakfast. My speech will be short, but sweet. I had been tempted to include some jokes, but after giving it much thought, decided against the idea. Any attempt at humour from me would end badly. My joke would either go down like a lead balloon, leaving me stood next to my new wife and in-laws, looking like a tit after making the worst joke ever, or I would do a gag so offensive, the wedding guests would vomit and I would end up spending the night in a police cell, with only a transsexual called Big Donna for company.

Not all speeches turn out well…

‘5’ There will be things I have missed off the list. Of course there will be. I can’t organise a sodding stag party, so what are the chances of me remembering to do EVERYTHING in preparation for the wedding. If anyone is reading this and can think of something I have missed, please leave a comment, send an email or release a carrier pigeon, with a revised list tied to its foot. Thanking you muchly in advance.

Oh yeah! That’s what I forgot!

Posted by sean on April 19, 2015 at 7:23 pm in Wedding with No Comments

… to Claire and me! Today we have been in a relationship for seven years. This will be our last anniversary in April, as we are marrying in June, so our anniversary will move to that new date. After being in a relationship for this long, it feels the right time to marry – and, of course, seven is a lucky number.

Posted by sean on April 19, 2015 at 7:03 pm in Bath City with No Comments

Bath City games attended: 39
Goals seen for Bath City: 61
Goals seen against Bath City: 51
Miles travelled to away games: 2,802
Grounds visited: 13

Highlight of the season: Beating Bristol Rovers in The FA Trophy
Lowlight of the season: Losing to North Ferriby on penalties in The FA Trophy and missing out on Wembley.

Posted by sean on April 15, 2015 at 11:25 am in Insects with No Comments

Spiders. I know I shouldn’t be bothered by them, I really do. To be fair, it’s only those huge house spiders which trouble me. The ones which are as fat as a pig, with legs like tree trunks. Despite their hideous appearance, I know all too well that they are harmless.

One creepy crawley which is not harmless the wasp. This morning, there was a huge wasp on the curtain in our house. This was was big too – almost as large as that dead one which I featured in ‘Bug Top Trumps‘ a while ago.

I was brave. I caught the insect, using a pint glass and an envelope. It was then released into the community. There were no tears, no shitting in terror or tantrums. In fact, I showed no fear at all. This is because I am not scared of wasps.

I really need to start getting things into perspective. Wasps can hurt you. Big spiders cannot (at least not in this country). Therefore, I should stop being a scardy cat when it comes to arachnids and develop a new phobia of bees and wasps.

Posted by sean on April 14, 2015 at 5:24 pm in Too Random To Categorise with No Comments

While having my daily shower, I couldn’t help but notice my shampoo. Not the make, although admittedly, Lynx is a bit chavvy. No, the thing which caught my eye was the ingredients in the shampoo – “zinc and glacier water”.

What purpose zinc or glacier water serve when it comes to maintaining healthy hair, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll find out, as it’s the first time I used this shampoo. I took the steps of taking a ‘selfie’ (I hate that term) shortly after washing my hair see if I could see any amazing benefits. I can’t notice any, but will review my mane after a few weeks of using the new shampoo.

I bought the shampoo because I like Lynx deodorant. I didn’t buy it because it contains a metal or some defrosted ice. I do hope that everyone else is the same and there is nobody who actually buys shampoo containing strange ingredients, thinking they are of some benefit.

If there is a market for putting combinations of elements into hair products, I’ve got a few ideas of my own. Maybe I’m only something…

  • White leopard tears and iron filings
  • Buffalo dung and Welsh rain water
  • Mercury and shark blood
  • Toenail clippings and volcano steam
  • Pinecones and cat milk
  • Steak and chips








All of the above shampoo ideas and combinations are copyright of Sean’s Stories 2015. Unless anyone dies as a result of using them, in which case, I diminish all responsibility.

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