Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on March 17, 2019 at 7:52 pm in Rabbits with No Comments

Roman has had a busy weekend…

Hide and seek!

Roman’s on a roll!

Hay! Stop, hay thief!

Catching a breather during play time.

Posted by sean on March 16, 2019 at 4:58 pm in Leeds United with No Comments

I told you that I had a feeling of dread about today.

Never, ever say that I am overly pessimistic.

Leeds don’t play for two weeks now. All I can do is watch Sean Bean – a massive Sheffield United fan – getting killed by Pierce Brosnan, over and over, for an entire fortnight.

Posted by sean on March 16, 2019 at 7:11 am in Leeds United with No Comments

I always thought that supporting a Leeds team who were good, would be wonderful. Why is it then, that this season – Leeds United’s most successful in over 15 years – has generally been a horrible, stressful and downright scary experience?

Losing 5-1 to Bolton and being 1-0 down to Blackburn after 16 seconds, a few years ago, was enraging. However, at times I do wonder if when I was left feeling dejected and resigned to failure, things were better than they are now, where Leeds are winning most weeks. It was certainly less frightening being shit!

This lunchtime, Leeds play Sheffield United. Leeds are 2nd in the league, Sheffield United are 3rd. The top 2 teams in the league get promoted. As promotion is the aim, finishing 1st or 2nd is essential. While today’s result certainly won’t determine the outcome of the season – there will still be another 8 games of terror, before that’s decided – whatever happens later will play a huge part in determining the final outcome. What do you mean, I’m overreacting?

I think most Leeds fans – myself included – know that this is a freakishly successful season and failure to win promotion will result in our club having its factory reset button pressed during the summer, leading to another 15 years of shite, losing 7-0 to rubbish like Barnsley.

The game has selfishly been selected for television – meaning that there will be no hiding place for me and I’ll be forced to endure it. I know what you’re thinking – “you don’t have to watch it”. I do. Claire will have it on. She’ll want to watch the game and I have a feeling she thinks my football fears are weird. She may have a point.

I suppose I could vandalise the Sky dish. Attach it with a rope to my mobility scooter and ride off. Or maybe just remove and hide the viewing card.

No, I’ll be brave. I will watch the game. Mercifully, the match kicks off a lot earlier than normal. No doubt to stop Leeds fans worldwide biting their fingernails and fingers to the bone, from sheer nerves. 12.30pm is still too late for me. What’s wrong with 4.45am?

I don’t expect anyone who is not a fan of Leeds to understand the pain that I will be going through, over the 2 hour period between 12.30 and 2.30pm. However, to put it into context, below are some of the symptoms of the disease, rabies.

These symptoms are not only endured by the poor victims of the killer virus, but will also be felt by any Leeds supporter following the game later…

  • a headache
  • feeling anxious or generally unwell
  • muscle spasms
  • difficulty swallowing and breathing
  • confusion or aggressive behaviour
  • seeing or hearing things
  • producing lots of saliva or frothing at the mouth

Pretty strong stuff. Before I finish this blog post, don’t think that I haven’t realised that you are probably reading this post-match, so will know the fulltime score and therefore, how I will have ended up…

Crying with clinical depression, over a vomit-filled sick bucket.

Crying with unprecedented joy, over a vomit-filled sick bucket.

Something in between #1 and #2.

Can I borrow that bucket?

Posted by sean on March 15, 2019 at 8:48 pm in Animals with No Comments

It’s Cheltenham Festival week – a time where millions of people across the globe go horse-mad, despite avoiding the sport for the other 51 weeks of the year. It’s just like those who watch Wimbledon, yet in reality hate tennis. Jumping on the bandwagon.

I am not one of those people who went horse-mad. I am no expert in that (horse) field. I have no idea how to even place a bet on racing – or should that be “I have neigh idea”. Apologies.

My wife, Claire, enjoys the racing and in the past has been to Bath Races, so does not fall into the group of ‘bandwagon-jumpers’, mentioned above.

Being a racing fan, Claire enjoyed watching the television coverage, throughout the week.

As we generally spend our homelife together, I was able to watch many of the races with Claire.

It was the penultimate race of the entire festival, this afternoon, that I became generally excited about a horse race, for the first time ever.

No, I hadn’t put money on the outcome – I don’t know how, remember. In fact, it was only towards the end of the race that I took any real interest.

My attention was originally caught, when a poor horse fell. Tragically, it later died.

While watching the race, we noticed a horse running alongside all the others, despite not having a jockey on its back. Presumably the jockey had fallen off, somewhere along the way.

As the horses (and remaining jockeys) got closer and closer to the finish line, the horse who had lost its jockey, got closer and closer to the front of the pack.

Claire and I started to get excited…

Due to a rule which I strongly oppose, the jockeyless horse was not declared the winner. Apparently, the horse AND the jockey have to both cross the finish line.

At least give the horse some recognition! It won’t want a large financial prize – it’s financially stable! Financially stable! Stable! Get it? I give up. No, the winning horse would be happy enough with a tube of Polos and a carrot!

The horse which, in my eyes won, is ironically named Time Waits For No One. I am therefore delighted to award him (or her) the SEAN’S STORIES F-HAY CUP.

As well as a cup, TWFNO will be awarded a carrot, from the Asda vegetable aisle. However, as Cheltenham is a long way from Bath, I am sure everyone will agree that the best thing to do, is to give the carrot to our pet rabbit, Roman.

Posted by sean on March 14, 2019 at 7:30 am in Have I Got News For You with No Comments

Is it me, or do these MPs just sit around voting all day?

The fact they keep having vote after vote, shows that the MPs cannot organise a vote, or indeed ANYTHING, properly.

To resolve this problem, get this Brexit mess sorted, save the country billions and allow the MPs to do a proper days work since getting elected; I propose that Frank Pickle – of Dibley, Oxfordshire – organises and chairs all necessary parliamentary meetings and organises votes.

“All those in favour?”

  • About Me

    So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?

    If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.

    However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.

    You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.

    All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
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