Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on December 24, 2017 at 11:25 pm in Christmas, Leeds United with No Comments

A Christmas poem I wrote for a certain white-bearded, ex-Leeds United owner…

Christmas morning did arrive
Young Kenny could not contain his grin
He scampered down his bedroom stairs
To see what his wife had bought him

He passed Susannah a gift from him
She opened it with glee
A piece of coal lay in her hands
How generous was he!

She thanked her hubby for the gift
And smiled for quite a while
“You’re so thoughtful, Ken”
Susannah said
Before adding to the coal pile

Ken asked where abouts his present was,
Susannah said outside
“You’ve always wanted one of these”
His devoted wife replied

Ken looked outside right away
A grin grew on his face
For where a push bike once was stood
A private jet lay in its place

Later on, that Festive Day,
Ken asked to watch The Queen
The reception on his Freeview box cut out
Why had be been so mean?

A satellite dish from B Sky B, would have cost some money
But would have worked and done the trick
Instead the Her Madge looked quite funny

Up on the roof Ken did climb
To fix the aerial
He remembered not to trip and fall
Like he poor Emu fellow

Just as he fixed the thing
He heard something that shook his soul
Turning round, he saw Santa Clause
On his way back to the cold North Pole

“You’ve been a naughty boy”
Santa said, in an angry tone
“I’ve listened to your podcasts, and you always bloody moan!”

“Arabs this, taxes that, competitions I never win
I don’t know why I bother, Ken
I’m the only one who tunes in”

Ken mumbled something about refugees
Which wasn’t very nice
Santa picked him up and held him high
He grip was like a vice

“Put me down, you moron”, barked old Mr B
Santa ignored the old man’s demands
And threw him in the sea

I don’t know what became of Poor Old Ken,
After he got wet
The rumour is Susannah left with Santa Clause, in a private jet

Posted by sean on November 19, 2017 at 10:25 pm in Christmas, Life In Bath with No Comments

As you may have seen, the McDonalds Christmas advert was filmed in Bath. Of course, it is all festive and cute. Not very realistic, though. I was expecting to see chavs, in their onesies, flicking fries and the father and his daughter, from another table.

Posted by sean on December 22, 2016 at 1:17 pm in Christmas with No Comments

This is my attempt at making my new workplace more festive. I’ve even planned ahead for next year, by buying a 2017 calendar.

It’s all well and good until the office Derby County supporter tears it all down, while I’m on annual leave.

The question is, what Leeds United player should be the fairy on the top?

Posted by sean on January 3, 2016 at 9:42 pm in Christmas with No Comments

I always look forward to putting up the Christmas tree and decorations. This is always done far too early – at the end of November – what can I say, I like Christmas. One thing I like equally as much as unpacking the artificial tree from its box – where it had rested, in the garage for the previous 11 months – is disassembling it, come New Year.

It is always exciting when the tree first goes up, and the fibre-optic lights make the whole house seem festive and warm. Once Christmas Day has passed, I rarely bother to turn them on. The tree sits in the corner of the room, looking sorry for its self. Once January arrives, the tree, along with all the other decorations, seems annoying.

This afternoon, I unplugged the tree, before wresting with its plastic frame and branches, so it would come apart into its two or three sections, allowing me to force it into the incredibly small cardboard box, which it originally came in. The box has to then be sealed, to stop the tree bursting out. It is as if the tree has a mind of its own and instead of wanting to go into a dark, damp garage until the end of November, would rather stay in the house, where it is warm, bright and homely. I don’t blame it. But you have to remember, it is a tree – an artificial tree, at that – and trees don’t live in houses. People live in houses. People, dogs and cats – except in our house it is just the former, as we’re not allowed pets.

The Christmas tree is now locked in its box. The decorations and all the other festive crap, which one month ago I thought were cute, are in a pile, waiting to go in another box, which will also be placed in the garage. The last After Eight of the season has been eaten (although I think there may be a second box in a cupboard) and all the generally rubbish Christmas television has been viewed and deleted from the Sky box.

Christmas is over. For another 11 or so months. Thank goodness.

Posted by sean on January 2, 2016 at 9:39 pm in Christmas with No Comments

Some people say that Christmas and New Year are a time to relax. Bollocks. I celebrated both, And worked in between. I am now feeling absolutely shattered. Totally drained of all energy. Good thing I’m off work on annual leave all next week, when everyone else goes back!

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