Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on October 1, 2019 at 11:11 pm in Coffee, Work Activities with No Comments

It seemed like everyone in the IT Department took advantage of today’s free hot drink offer from Costa Coffee.

Apparently this was a national promotion, so rush hour must have been fun for those driving home – surrounded by fellow motorists, completely off their tits on caffeine. Good luck sleeping tonight, people of Britain.

The local Tesco, which is the nearest supplier of this particular brand of beverage, was predictably busier than normal…

I didn’t brave the rain. Deciding instead, to stay in the office with my mobility scooter and usual coffee that I had brought in from home.

That was until a thoughtful colleague picked me up a mug of hot chocolate – all 100% gratis.

Posted by sean on September 4, 2019 at 10:48 pm in Work Activities with No Comments

I was emailed this picture by a work colleague today.

Is it possible for something to be as cute as it is heinous?

Posted by sean on August 29, 2019 at 10:29 pm in Work Activities with No Comments

I found time during my busy working day to take some photos for a blog post I have been planning on writing – see, I’m always thinking about you.

Firstly, you know when people lose things and say that they have simply vanished into thin air? Well, that is exactly what happened to one of my bluetooth earphones I use at work.

The earphone was sat in front of me, out of its docking station and not in my ear (obviously). I rearranged/tidied my desk, as it was almost home time, and while I often find myself working at a pigsty, I don’t like leaving it untidy.

It’s like the old warning about always wearing clean underwear in case you get hit by a bus and need to attend hospital. I don’t want to leave my desk in a mess, in case I am unexpectedly off work the next day and the Queen drops into the office, or somebody of even greater importance, such as Leeds United manager, Marcelo Bielsa.

On the day the earphone disappeared, I wouldn’t say that I tidied excessively. I certainly didn’t throw much more than a crisp packet in the bin. It was after my tidy up, that I realised that my trusty listening device had gone.

I had a real good look for it, but could not find it anywhere. I would love to find it, as today I had to rely upon an inconvenient wired earphone. I know – first world problems!

Before the “MISSING” mugshots hit social media and milk cartons, here is a photo of the lost earphone’s brother. Believe it or not, they are twins and look identical.

My other Bill Bailey attempt was this…
As you may or may not have guessed, I meant to write David Bailey. However, as I only realised my mistake 3 days later, I’ve decided to own up and keep it online for all eternity. – Sean 01/09/19

I was kindly given this by a work colleague. While eating the chocolate, I felt as if it was smaller than I remembered. I therefore did my research…

Turns out I was kind of correct. I asked Google “how much did a Freddo Frog weigh?”

To which I received this detailed response…

When they were first launched they weighed17g, growing to 20g in 2007, before shrinking back to 18g four years later. The bar has now stayed at 25p, ever since Cadbury brought the price back down from 30p last year.

I must have eaten Freddo Frogs between 2007 and 2011, when they contained an entire TWO GRAMS more Cadbury’s chocolate!

Google’s answer did surprise me, in that the bar was originally 17g – lighter than it is today. However, when they were first launched, I was but a wee lad, so things appeared bigger back then, compared to how they do today.

Mystery solved.

I have also proven, yet again, that I can spin together a fairly lengthy blog post, from the most basic and mundane of topics. I’m not saying the post contains any quality, just lots of words, fullstops, squiggles and things.

Posted by sean on July 7, 2019 at 8:43 pm in Work Activities with 1 Comment

I’ve mentioned problems with the office lift on here before. However, I do not believe that I have blogged about how slow it is.

The trouble begins before I have even got into the lift cubicle (elevator cab, for my American homies).

The doors to enter and exit the cubicles are made of glass and metal. They are very, very heavy. The gold vaults at Fort Knox can’t be much more cumbersome.

Getting out of the lift is the easy part. I am able to use the front of my scooter to ride into the door, forcing it open – like a battering ram.

Luckily, there is often a colleague loitering downstairs, or on the first floor by the toilets (perfectly innocently), who is kind enough to open the lift door for me.

Once securely inside, I must operate the lift by pressing the ground or 1st floor button. Pretty standard? Wrong. Did I mention that you need to keep your finger on the button for the entire ascent or descent?

Last and by no means least, the lift is also the slowest in the world. It would almost be quicker for me to crawl up and down the stairs.

As I am a saddo/weirdo/geek (delete as appropriate), I timed my lift journey from the ground to 1st floor…

33 seconds!

I wonder how I would cope if I worked in a larger building, which used the same lift…

The recently built One World Trade Centre, in New York, has 104 floors. In case you are not aware, the OWTC was built as a memorial for the World Trade Centre. The top floor of OWTC is a mechanical room, so let’s just say that I need to get to the One World Observatory, on the 102nd floor…

Time to ascend 102 floors = 3,366 seconds. Or 56 minutes and 6 seconds. By a creepy coincidence, 56 minutes is the length of time the original South Tower took to fall, after being hit by Flight 175, on September 11th 2001.

Thankfully my office only has one floor to climb.

What about somewhere closer to home? The Shard in London? I’ve stood at the foot of the building, but am yet to go inside. I like the idea of going to the top floor…

The Shard has 95 floors. Hopefully their lift is better than the one at work, as it would take over 52 minutes to reach the top.

Finally the tallest building in the world. The Burj Khalifa in Dubai. At 828 meters tall, it boasts 154 floors. That’s 85 minutes to climb the tower.

Going up and back down the Burj Khalifa would see you holding onto that floor button for almost 3 hours – resulting in a serious case of RSI. Your visa for Dubai will have probably run out too.

Despite this blog post, I am not really moaning about the lift at work. I wouldn’t be able to get to my desk without it, as I sadly haven’t learnt how to ride my mobility scooter up and down stairs.

I wouldn’t say that the lift is a lifesaver – it moves far too slowly to be of benefit in a matter of life or death – but it is certainly a job saver!

Posted by sean on April 29, 2019 at 10:57 pm in Work Activities with No Comments

What an utterly fabulous way to start a working week!

The departmental lift, which makes it possible to get to my desk, on the first floor, and do my job, broke down today.

To make matters worse, the lift decided it would pack up shop and stop working, after it had transported me to the first floor.

I was trapped. Held hostage in the IT department, by an infernal glass tank, whose sole purpose is to go up and down, up and down, up and down, all day. It had one job to do*, and it couldn’t even manage that.

* OK, two jobs. Going up AND going down.

As the day went on, with morning turning into afternoon, the lift remained out of order. I began to wonder if I would get home at all and would I have to pitch a tent for the night. A horrific thought, but if I could claim the camping trip as overtime or lieu, I would be laughing.

For a second, I did consider driving my mobility scooter down the stairs – like the car chase scene in The Italian Job. I’ll be honest, I’ve never seen the film – the original or the remake, so don’t know if this kind of reckless behaviour ends well. In real-life, those involved in the chase, would almost certainly receive a speeding fine in the post and 3 points on their licence – especially as most residential and inner-city areas, carry a 20mph limit.

I soon had a change of heart, deciding against performing the stair stunt. I’ll admit that becoming the love-child of Michael Caine and Brian Potter, is tempting – however, I would still be staying overnight at work, as a result.

Worse still, the stay wouldn’t be in my office. Instead, I would be renewing acquaintances with the nurses on the orthopaedic ward, where I stayed three months ago, after I broke my leg.  I wouldn’t even get any lieu time, and I’d need to buy a new mobility scooter.

Thankfully, it was a good end to the day. The lift was fixed, meaning there was no IT sleepover to be had and I didn’t have to risk life and limb (literally), by riding down the stairs.

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