Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on January 30, 2019 at 9:22 pm in Health with No Comments

What makes you think that I am a little bit tired?

Posted by sean on January 30, 2019 at 12:46 pm in Health with No Comments

I have escaped!

OK… I didn’t have to flee the hospital, by burrowing into the wall, evading armed guards and crawling through a sewage pipe. It was a tad more simple…

A pleasant young doctor, named Andrew, came to see me, checked that I was well, before saying that I was good to go. An Oscar winning performance.

I am still in hospital. Waiting for the discharge can take time. However, now that I know I will be leaving today, I can tolerate a few extra hours. Maybe I’ll even enjoy today’s lunch…

Victory sandwich


Posted by sean on January 30, 2019 at 10:01 am in Health with No Comments

There was a major twist in the Hospital Acquired Infection saga, yesterday.

After talking to a respiratory doctor, it would appear that I don’t have a chest infection at all! This would certainly explain the fact that I am looking and feeling very well.

This should be great news, and in reality, it is. However, only the ward doctor can approve my release.

Doctors can be as elusive as a decisive politician at a Brexit meeting (oooh, topical!). I could, therefore be in for a bit of a wait…

Personally, I think the doctor should see me as a priority. I know that sounds incredibly selfish and even offensive. However, let me explain…

There are many patients far more unwell than me. In fact, every other patient on the ward is more poorly. They, of course, require medical attention more than someone like me, who is just suffering from boredomitis.

The reason I believe that I should be seen soon is because, if what we are lead to believe by the media, there is a national shortage of hospital beds. We are also told when the weather is cold and icy (like it is today), Emergency Departments are even busier thsn normal.

All I am doing right now, is lying down, eating biscuits, drinking coffee and blogging about the experience.

A very ill patient is far more worthy of a bed than me. The sooner the doctor says that I can be kicked out, the sooner my bed can be used by a poor soul,  possibly stuck on a trolley in a corridor.

Posted by sean on January 29, 2019 at 9:34 pm in Health with No Comments

I am in a hospital bay, with five other patients. Being in such close proximity during the day and night, there is little room for privacy, between all the inmates.

You can hear them chatting to their visitors, what they’re watching on TV – you even hear their bloody farts!

Another thing you fast become privy too, is their telephone conversations. For a nosey bored person, like me, this can be interesting and passes the time between the 12noon lunch and 5pm supper.

Not all conversations are of a subject you wish to hear. A patient in a neighbouring bed, was on the telephone to his wife.

Unfortunately, the “lady” on the other end of the phone uttered the words…

A darky came along

as well as

The drivers are all bloody Polish

I shouldn’t really get worked up by this – not when you consider the intelligence of the racist woman.

As I continued to eavesdrop, I learnt of two of the television programmes, Eva Braun was planning to watch…

Britain’s Top 100 Dogs and Danny Dyer’s Royal Family

God help us all…

Posted by sean on January 29, 2019 at 10:01 am in Health with No Comments

I can now proudly say that I am one of those lucky patients to catch (or is it ‘win‘) a Hospital Acquired Infection.

My prize… a chest infection. It’s not a very good prize, to be honest – I don’t even feel unwell with it.

However, for at least the next four days, while being pumped full of antibiotics, I can look forward to…

  • Relaxing with anything up to 6 hours sleep a night
  • Enjoying the beautiful, bright LED lights, from the hospital ceiling, throughout the day and night
  • Laying back and listening to the local wildlife – including call bells, telephones and screaming patients
  • Daily injections with needles made from Sheffield’s finest stainless-steel
  • The finest cuisine, with a menu created by world-renowned chef, Olive, from Bash Street School
  • Finally, laying back, doing nothing all week – literally – I’ll be bedbound!

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