Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on June 27, 2019 at 11:39 pm in Me Vs. The World with No Comments

Is it possible to get scooter rage, in the same way you can experience road rage? Of course it is.

My commute to work this morning was slightly delayed, when I had to stop my mobility scooter at the top of my street, as what looked to be the biggest coach in the world, started to reverse down the road I was intending to cross. It had clearly taken a wrong turn down the main road and was hoping to turn around.

The coach belonged to the company who provide away travel to Bath City fans and players. I have always found them to be very good, and to be fair to the driver this morning, he performed the very tricky maneuver safely.

Despite my confidence in the driver, I did not fancy the chances of my scooter and I, against a massive bus. As a result, I had to show patience and wait.

Someone who was unable to show patience, was a white van man, driving up the main road, adjacent to my street, which at the time was being blocked by the coach, as it turned around.

What an idiot that WVM is! We’ve all had to wait for the coach to move, but we don’t all start behaving like a petulant child.

I’m not a massive fan of the White Van Man at the moment. On my return home from a recent medical appointment, the path of my scooter was blocked by a van…

Chilling parking

What the photo doesn’t make clear is that there is ANOTHER van (parked equally badly), in front of the one which I snapped. Oh, and yes, it is a double yellow line they’re parked on.

As a result of the two vans parking on the pavement, I had to squeeze my scooter alongside the vehicles, driving through part of the hedge. There is no pavement on the opposite side of the road, so an alternative route home was not an option for me.

The WVM may argue that he had nowhere else suitable to park. That may or may not have been the case. Whatever. Just because there is nowhere legal to leave the van, I don’t feel that it is fair to block a pavement, forcing pedestrians to find an alternative route for themselves.

Considering this was on a hospital site, it is highly likely that there would be other patients who use a scooter or wheelchair, and would encounter the same problem as me.

There. I’ve said my peace on white van men – for now…

Finally, if you are a driver of any vehicle and are approaching a zebra crossing, with pedestrians on the pavement, waiting to cross, I am sure you know what to do? Slow down safely and stop. I didn’t get 95% on my theory test for just looking pretty!

It would be pretty rude, as well as against the law, to carry on driving and not stop at the crossing, right? I am sure we can all agree on that.

Here’s the part some of you probably don’t know. Or maybe the vast majority of people are aware, and it’s only the rude woman I encountered this morning who isn’t…

If there are people waiting at a zebra crossing, while you approach, it is NOT cool to drive past without stopping. This behaviour is not excused by lifting your hand up, as if to thank the pedestrians for tolerating your inconsiderate driving.

Wow… I really can sound very cross and grumpy, once I start ranting. The truth is, all these thing caused just a mild annoyance, apart from the vans on the pavement, which is a huge bugbear of mine.

While all the events in this post are all 100% factual, I was grateful to at least have something to blog about – as you may have noticed, I have been struggling for material lately.

Finally, I am in now way portraying myself to be a good car driver. I’m no Lewis Hamilton. Firstly, I pay my taxes. Secondly, despite holding an automatic driving licence, I haven’t been behind the wheel of a car since 2014. Maybe it is best just to stick to my scooter and Grand Theft Auto.

Posted by sean on June 13, 2019 at 10:25 pm in Me Vs. The World with No Comments

It is with happiness and surprise that I am now in a position to report my missing parcel has been found! There was me thinking Hermes had lost or eaten it.

Of course, as this was Hermes, things were not simple…

  • Last night, I received an alert, advising that my parcel would be delivered between 7 and 9pm. Did I mention the email arrived well after 8pm? I’ll give you one guess as to whether or not Hermes managed to deliver…
  • Anyone who guessed that Hermes delivered my parcel before the 9pm television watershed, go and have a look at the IQ Test I found last month. You’re stupid!
  • If you worked out that Hermes were a bunch of shit-houses and didn’t bother with last night’s delivery, well done. Although don’t feel too chuffed – it’s hardly rocket science.

  • I did finally get my parcel! Woo-hoo! My box of crap Leeds United merchandise arrived this morning. I was in work, while Claire had a day off.

  • I am told by my wife, that a Hermes courier posted a card through our letterbox. Unfortunately, the card wasn’t of the ‘apology’ variety, with money in the envelope – although given the rubbish service Hermes provided, such a gesture would be the very least the courier could have done!
  • The card may as well have said ‘F**K YOU’. It advised that a delivery attempt had been made and my parcel had been left in a safe place…
  • Firstly, the doorbell was not rung and there was no knock on the door. How is that a delivery attempt? It was a lie. Claire looked out of the window, to see a courier escaping down our path to his car. Maybe his underwear was getting a bit hot and he needed to put a fire out?
  • Secondly, the parcel was left outside, in the rain, in full view of the street. Hardly a safe place. Liar, liar, pants on fire.
  • That said, there is a strong argument that leaving my package open to the elements and the local thieves, is a safer place than it remaining with a Hermes courier for a minute longer!

Posted by sean on June 11, 2019 at 9:32 pm in Me Vs. The World with No Comments

Two days on and still no sign of Hermes, with my order. The delivery was supposed to have been made on Friday – that’s four days ago.

If my Hermes package was a child and we lived in the US, it would be branded a missing person and currently be appearing on millions of milk cartons across 50 states.

I have been harassing Hermes – pretty much like in the video below. Except replace ‘spy camera’ with ‘crap merchandise from Leeds United’.

Plus, I am a 37-year-old grown man. The video contains a 10-year-old cartoon child, voiced by a woman.

I also tweeted my complaint. I am sure Bart Simpson would have used social media, to enquire about his spy camera – in between trolling Cheryl Cole and Moe Szyslak – but that episode was created in 1990, and I don’t think it was possible to connect to the internet on a BBC micro computer.

Posted by sean on June 9, 2019 at 9:59 pm in Me Vs. The World with No Comments

I am sure that anyone who has ever ordered anything online and relied upon a courier to deliver their precious goods, has always been extremely satisfied and never encountered any problems.

To many, the following statement may be very shocking…

Hermes are shit.

Hermes are, apparently, a courier company. Lots of online shops use them – one would wonder why, as a shoddy service from the courier, would reflect badly upon the seller.

I have my suspicions why Hermes are still in business and used by so many individuals and retailers. It is the same reason John Cleese’s Basil Fawlty, of Fawlty Towers fame, favours the services of the inept builder, O’Reilly… “because he’s cheap!”.

Unfortunately for me, one of the many companies who make use of Hermes is Leeds United Football Club. As regular readers will know, I am a Leeds fan.

The fact Leeds use Hermes does not really surprise me, considering they managed to completely mess up promotion last season.

I ordered some merchandise from Leeds United recently. I don’t know why – the same effect of displaying the club-branded tack, could have been achieved a lot cheaper and easier, by making myself a hat from a sheet of A4 paper and writing “I AM A MUG” on it.

Anyway, my Leeds United goodies were packaged up and sent on their way from northern to southern England – with Hermes…

To cut a long and boring story short (it’s gone on long enough), take a look at this…

It is one of two Hermes tracking pages for my order.

I’ll be generous and won’t rant about the events of Friday – the day the parcel was originally meant to be delivered – although you would be correct to assume, by reading the note, that the delivery was twice postponed and I was left not knowing what was going on during Friday evening. But I don’t like to go on…

By Saturday afternoon, there was still no delivery and I was starting to get a little peeved – while planning a blog post about the whole ordeal. Every cloud and all that.

I had sent a calm and happy tweet to the Hermes Twitter account. This account seemed to mainly consist of retweets from customers who had praised the service provided by the courier. These retweets contained many replies from other, less happy customers, moaning about their experience.

My tweet politely asked for an update. I am yet to receive a reply. How rude.

I may or may not have sent a further tweet to Hermes, which was less poliet thanthe first.

It was the update at 17:17 where I began to see red. “There’s been a slight delay with your delivery”.

How long is “slight”?

I also suspect the courier, tasked with the job of delivering my parcel, may have told a “slight” porky pie. Look at the second tracking page…

The update I take issue with is again at 17:17 – “Delivery attempt made, allow 24h”.

Claire and I were sat within ear-shot of the front door, so how on earth could a delivery attempt have been made? Unless…

The bit about “allow 24h” is also unfortunately wrong. A day later and still no delivery. Ooops!

Let’s be fair to Hermes. They were shit to me, but they may have been excellent to lots of other customers. Customers who don’t seem to blog or tweet much. Who knows – Hermes may have a Royal Warrant on their delivery vans. Of course, I wouldn’t know as I am yet to see a Hermes van.

Hermes are also not the only courier company, of which I have been unfortunate enough to have had a bad experience with. Yodel were a nightmare when assigned the impossible mission of delivering a wardrobe to our new house from Argos. You can read all about that in past posts.

Hopefully tomorrow will see my Leeds United junk arrive and not another extension to Pinocchio’s nose.

Posted by sean on February 3, 2019 at 8:15 pm in Me Vs. The World with No Comments

I have reviewed last night’s Deliveroo order – from Pizza Express – in Emojis…

I’ll briefly explain the symbols…

  • Our pizza took over two hours to arrive.
  • The food was delivered cold. Not even luke warm. It was Al Fresco.
  • The service was poop. No communication or replies to messages, enquiring of the whereabouts of our food.
  • The delivery driver arrived cold. Not luke warm. Wouldn’t call him Al Fresco – his name probably wasn’t even Alan. He looked unwell. We worried for his welfare.
  • Our mood – rather peed off!

Deliveroo did eventually find the time and courtesy to reply to me – the next day. We were given £20 credit towards a future order of cold food.

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