Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on February 10, 2019 at 11:47 am in Have I Got News For You with No Comments

How do I get to this convention? Take me there now!

Posted by sean on February 4, 2019 at 11:48 pm in Have I Got News For You with No Comments

This story caught my attention.

To save you from reading the article (it’s not worth it), Mrs Prince Harry and her hubby, were in Bristol recently. While visiting the West Country, they visited and provided support for sex workers. Part of this support involved distributing food, drink and provisions. Mrs H thought it would be a kind gesture to write some words of inspiration, on bananas, to give to the women. Nothing more than that…

This morning, Piers Morgan also read the story. Clearly not agreeing that the ‘banana message’ was a nice thing to do, he offloaded a load of his usual bullpoo, in the direction of the poor Princess.

Now, I’m not pro-Monarchy, but in my eyes, it was all a kind and simple act, which has been blown out of proportion.

There was no need for Piers the Pig to even mention it – especially aa he has probably never performed a selfless act in his entire life!

Posted by sean on February 1, 2019 at 5:29 pm in Have I Got News For You with No Comments

Clive Swift

Hopefully his character, Richard Bucket, can now enjoy a Hyacinth-free beer, with the late Onslow (Geoffrey Hughes), in the pub in the sky.

Posted by sean on September 25, 2018 at 11:36 pm in Have I Got News For You with No Comments

I came across this story today. It appears that West Midlands Police are offering members of the public the chance to spend the night in the cell of mass murderer, Fred West.

The Old Bill haven’t gone completely mad. They haven’t resorted to locking innocent people up with murdering psychopaths. For those of you who are either too young to know, or simply too old to remember, Fred West killed himself, before his murder trial, on New Years Day 1995.

Still don’t remember him? What about if I tell you this joke that you surely heard at school, or your place of work… FRED WEST WALKS INTO A BAR. BARMAN ASKS WHAT HE WANTS TO DRINK. FRED REPLIES “I COULD MURDER A TENANTS”. Boom. That joke would have crashed Sickipedia, had the internet been available in 1994.

So, Fred West is dead. Although, as the event is being aimed at ghost-hunters, maybe his spirit lives on? If this is not the case, and there is no Willow the West, are the police guilty of false-advertising?

The ‘promotion’, which many are calling sick, costs £75 per-night. You won’t find this B&B on Four in a Bed.

If £75 is too much money, I would imagine that if you ‘Did a Fred West’, and killed a load of tenants, as well as members of your family, before burying them under the patio, you would gain free admission to the cell. However, your stay would almost certainly be longer than one night. Plus, you’ll share a bunk bed with a horny, 30-stone body builder, called Captain Bam Bam.

For the record, I would not suggest taking the cheap option. I’d also advise against visiting the cell of a serial killer and sex offender. If you want to help a charity, which is the aim of this whole thing, just donate £75 to a good cause.

Posted by sean on February 22, 2018 at 7:26 am in Have I Got News For You with No Comments

Donald Trump’s proposal to reduce gun attacks in schools… introduce more guns into schools.

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