Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on October 29, 2019 at 11:02 pm in Weather with No Comments

I was about to start writing a blog post about this wonderful Autumnal weather, when I had a vague recollection of a similar post I once made.

After a quick search, I discovered that it was almost exactly a year ago – 364 days – that I took to WordPress to blog about one of life’s small pleasures.

I love this time of year. I feel especially appreciative of the weather and the associated cool temperatures, after the horrendous summer we had.

Many may have forgotten, while some (sadists) actually enjoyed the extreme heat experienced throughout the season. Day after day, week after week, month after… you get the idea. It was hot.

“It’s HOT and we’re all going to die! I blame those bloody immigrants!”

When the weather is colder, it is a lot easier to feel comfortable. If you’re too cold, you can wear an extra layer of clothing.

On the other hand, if it’s too hot, there is only so much you can do. There were nights in July, where the heat was so extreme that had I taken off any more layers, I would be removing my skin! The heat was constant too – day after day, week… sorry – I’ve already done that bit.

If THIS is the alternative to the cold and wet, I’m happy to live in October forever.

Think of me as Goldilocks. Actually, don’t – she illegally broke into and entered a house, owned by a family of three law-abiding bears *.

Note: In 1996, as a student, Daddy Bear was issued with a police caution for defecating in the woods, during a night out with friends.

Goldilocks stole and consumed her victims porridge. One bowl was too hot, another had gone cold, but one was perfect. You know the story. I am like that with weather.

The hot bowl of porridge is a heatwave in the middle of July. The cold bowl is March 2018. Remember all that snow? I couldn’t get into work, despite living practically around the corner from my office. I therefore had to use two days of my annual leave, in order to cover my absence. Too cold.

Finally, or rather this time of year, I am Goldilocks eating Baby Bear’s porridge. A cruel and callous act, but the porridge and weather is JUST RIGHT!

What happens next to Goldilocks, very much depends upon which version of the book you were read as a child. The U (suitable for all) version, involves Mr, Mrs and Baby Bear returning home to find Goldilocks in a bed, sleeping off her breakfast. They disturb the sleeping thief, who wakes up and is obviously terrified to find three bears eyeing her up and thinking of lunch. She’s also aware of a 12 month suspended sentence for cheating Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother out of her life savings; so the porridge theft could land her in real trouble. Goldilocks runs away.

If, like me, you were read the PG (parental guidance) edition; instead of fleeing the scene of the crime, Goldilocks is brutally attacked by the bears; who later go on to eat her alive.

In court, the bears pleaded a similar case to Tony Martin. The farmer who shot and killed a burglar.

“Get orrrf my land!”

Remember, I did spend most of my junior school years in Bristol, so was read this version, instead of the less brutal tale, which I later heard attending a middle class, Church of England school in a wealthy area of Bath.

I hope the similarities between Goldilocks and myself are limited to an aversion to all things of extreme heat or cold, and I won’t be dealing with the equivalent of a bear attack anytime soon.

I have moved way off topic and things have become a little weird. Let’s therefore get back on track…

The cold, crisp Autumnal air is beautiful. Arriving home, to a toasty house, thanks to that wonderful invention, known as central heating. So cosy and welcoming. Add to the scenario, Claire and Roman waiting for me, with an almost unlimited supply of blankets, to warm me up – not forgetting food, drink and our large screen television!

I love it.

“It’s COLD and we’re all going to die! I blame those bloody immigrants!”

Unfortunately, rain is forecast for the remainder of the week, meaning that once I arrive home from work, enjoying a cosy house will be the last thing on my mind – I’ll be after a towel and change of clothes, after getting soaked!

Mind you, listening to the rain hammering against the windows, while snug in the house is blissful – assuming that I don’t have to go outside in it!

Posted by sean on October 25, 2019 at 11:52 pm in Weather with No Comments

What a wonderful sight – assuming that you don’t have to leave the house anytime soon…

Thankfully, it’s the weekend and I have no plans to do anything – apart from hearing the wind and rain outside, while I’m warm and dry indoors.

There’s not many better things in life, than falling asleep – me after I’ve published this post – while listening to water against windows…

Not exactly what I meant…

That’s better!

Posted by sean on October 14, 2019 at 10:45 pm in Weather with No Comments

What makes you think I got a bit wet on my way home tonight?

I don’t know what all the fuss in Japan is about!

Posted by sean on August 28, 2019 at 9:01 pm in Weather with No Comments

It has been incredibly hot lately. Last night was hell. Claire cooked us both vegetable bake in the oven. A total waste of electricity and time! Our meal would have baked perfectly well, by just leaving it on our coffee table for a bit – no doubt faster than in our oven.

Even the Tesco delivery man, who brought our shopping into the house, commented on the heat.

I was therefore very envious, when I spotted that a cup game between Grimsby and Macclesfield has been abandoned, due to heavy rain.

Had it poured like this in Bath, I would have sat outside the house, wearing solely my birthday suit, soaking up the beautiful, cool rain.

Posted by sean on August 18, 2019 at 7:55 pm in Life In Bath, Weather with No Comments

My weekend didn’t get off to the best of starts. When I left work, the rain was incredibly heavy. It was a scenario where I just knew, that no matter what I did, I was going to get very wet. God had his Super Soaker water gun out, and was determined to get me drenched. Was this penance for cursing to myself, after dealing with a rude and frustrating caller?

Donald Trump would no doubt tell me that I have angered the spirit in the sky, by placing a rainbow arc, in support of LGBT, on my Twitter handle.

Either way, if I was getting wet, everyone else was too, which makes me think the rain was simply a result of the hydrologic cycle and not a vengeful higher being.

A nasty event which did happen solely to me, was to occur when I arrived home. My lovely wife had spotted me, riding my scooter up the path to out house. By this point I was predictably soaked. A drowned rat, as some might say.

As I approached the front door, disaster struck. Driving up the ramp, towards the house, my scooter veered uncontrollably to the right. Part of the scooter was hanging off one end of the ramp. Had I been riding at speed, I would have gone straight off the edge, resulting in damage to the scooter and worse still, another stay in hospital for me.

Despite being shaken by the ordeal, I reversed back off the ramp and back onto solid ground. Maybe I hadn’t been concentrating and had driven up the incline at an angle. I rode my scooter back up towards the house. Yet again, I somehow ended up almost riding straight off the edge.

By this point, I had forgotten all about the rain, despite it continuing to pour from the sky. I was just a few feet away from the sanctuary of home, but being unable to climb the ramp, I may as well have been in Dover. So near, yet so far.

After much panicking, I calmed down enough to climb the ramp, with Claire at my side, supporting the scooter to prevent me from losing control again.

Slowly, we made our way towards the house. Garden snails, out in numbers due to the sodden conditions, looked on, no doubt bemused at my speed and how I could be overtaken in my ascension to the front door.

I made it home, safe and well, if not a little shaken and dripping with rain water. I went upstairs, changed into pyjamas, before returning downstairs, to sit on the sofa and feel sorry for myself.

Home sweet home

I stayed there pretty much for the rest of the evening. So, if you ever wondered how your favourite blogger spends his Friday nights, now you know. Ozzy Osbourne is green with envy at how rock and roll I am!


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