Sean's Stories

Posted by sean on October 17, 2019 at 11:07 pm in Leeds United with No Comments


It’s Leeds United’s birthday today!

They have reached the big 100.

One hundred years old and Leeds are rotting in the second tier of English ⁷football.

Leeds are like a dear elderly relative in a depressing nursing home. Awful…

It is sad to see one of your loved ones, wandering through life, oblivious of everyone and everything around them, with no day-to-day plan, or what’s going on in general. Old age has left them confused, with a permanent aroma of excrement, which is impossible to hide, despite the best efforts of those around them. This is the state Leeds United have found themselves in… your relative probably doesn’t have half of these problems!

I wonder if Leeds got a telegram from The Queen?

Ever wondered what Her Majesty writes in the telegram?

Congratulations. It’s your birthday,
It’s time for lots of fun.
So roll this card up nice and tight
And stick it up your bum.

So now you know.

The English Football League wished Leeds a happy birthday, using social media. Given the club’s strained relationship with the EFL, such a move was never going to be a good idea – clearly somebody will be receiving their P45.

Here are just some of the predictable replies from Leeds fans…

Sums up the birthday rather well.

To non-football fans, or maybe even supporters of clubs who haven’t suffered dark days, Leeds United can best be compared to being in an abusive relationship. A relationship with a billionaire, who will buy you anything you desire. A relationship with the most incredible lover ever, who you share incredible sexual experiences with. A relationship where your billionaire partner regularly cheats on you. A relationship where, if you question where they have been, or have the audacity to breath in front of them, while they’re annoyed, they beat you black and blue.

Basically, supporting Leeds is like living with an amazing partner, who at times, brings you unprecedented joy; but is also capable of making your life a living hell.

That is my Leeds United in a nutshell.

Happy birthday, you loveable, horrible old bastard.

I would like to make it clear, that despite what I have written above, it should not all be taken literally. Old age is a serious problem in society and dementia is a terrible disease for those suffering from the condition, as well as their loved ones. Finally, domestic violence is abhorrent and while I used it in an attempt to describe how it feels to be a Leeds supporter, for the victims, nothing is comparable to the torture they live with day by day.

Posted by sean on October 16, 2019 at 11:54 pm in Rabbits with No Comments


Some time last year, I blogged how Roman was overheard quacking like a duck.

Given the fact that at the time, he was barely much older than a baby bunny (a ‘kitten’, if you’re interested in the official term), along with me knowing the full storyline of The Ugly Duckling; I was getting concerned that one morning I would go downstairs, only to find a duck waddling around Roman’s cage, in place of our beloved pet!

Now, some 14 months later, I am pleased to reveal that Roman isn’t turning into a breed of waterfowl. The “quack”, which Claire and I heard at the time, was a sneeze!

We made the reassuring, yet bizarre discovery, this evening while watching a YouTube video of some rabbits sneezing. One of the bunnies sneezes just like a duck quacking – or, more importantly, just like Roman having a good old “a-choo!”.

Mystery solved.

Posted by sean on October 14, 2019 at 10:45 pm in Weather with No Comments


What makes you think I got a bit wet on my way home tonight?

I don’t know what all the fuss in Japan is about!

Posted by sean on October 14, 2019 at 9:53 pm in Television with No Comments


What a rubbish episode of Who Wants to be a Millionaire last night! There was no excitement or thrill. It was a waste of time and ruined my entire evening!

The reason for my disappointment? Nobody lost any money.

I am sure I can’t be the only one who takes pleasure in watching contestants becoming greedy, only to lose tens or even hundreds of thousands of pounds.

Either that, or crashing out early, by being a bit… well… stupid.

LOLz.

This is why I could never watch the show live in the studio. Not only would I be unable to hide my hilarity in some poor sod losing a fortune;  when it comes to participating in the “ask the audience” lifeline, I would pick the wrong answer on purpose.

If 81% of the audience were meanies like me.

No contestant won big money Sunday, but at the same time, no cash was lost. Crap.

Posted by sean on October 12, 2019 at 11:11 pm in Me Vs. The World with No Comments


I can’t read
and I can’t write
but that don’t really matter.
‘cos I have a job in McDonald’s
and I fry things in batter.

Excuse my rudeness towards the staff at McDonald’s. I am sure the majority are all highly intelligent and have just been stereotyped by stupid characters like the one above.

and this one…

there’s quite a few…

Enough of that now. What boiled my blood enough to drive me to pick up the metaphorical pen and blog, was what appeared in my McDonald’s order this evening.

In a bid to improve customer experience and keep Burger King at bay, McDonald’s now allow you to customise your order – this includes adding and removing bits from your burger, such as gherkins, lettuce and even the beef patty. It is that latter ingredient which caused all the trouble this evening.

I think it is fair to say that I can now consider myself a proper vegetarian and not one of those people going through a fad, after watching the movie Babe 2: Pig in the City.

Claire and I haven’t enjoyed a McDonald’s in ages – and after tonight, my wait goes on. We had planned on treating ourselves to such a takeaway this Saturday.

I ordered a Big Mac meal. Amongst a few other changes, I requested that the beef patty be removed from my burger. This order was accepted and I was left to eagerly await a meat-free Big Mac, with extra gherkins, sauce and salad.

What arrived was this…

That big brown thing is not a giant pickle – it is actually, beef. Yes, a beef patty – the one thing I asked to not be included in my Big Mac.

It’s a good thing that I am only avoiding beef because I am a veggie and not because I have an allergy or for religious reasons.

I can only assume that this terrible example of cooking was for one (or more) of these reasons…

  • McDonald’s staff can’t read
  • McDonald’s staff don’t give a crap
  • McDonald’s staff believe vegetarians can eat beef
  • McDonald’s staff are overwhelmed and overworked, so make mistakes.

Ronald McDonald has turned pretty nasty in recent years – but is he overworking his staff?

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