I wonder if Barcelona will exchange him for Jermaine Beckford?
Saying that, I would trade Messi’s toenail clippings for Becks.
You know times are hard at your football club, when the main screen in the clubhouse consists of a set of digi-boxes stuck with insulating tape to a portable TV.
Spotted at Worcester City FC this afternoon…
Apparently Leeds United are in Yeovil this afternoon for a game they will surely lose. 500,000 fans are expected to turn up in the West Country, having all booked tickets the day after Leeds beat Manchester United in the FA Cup.
Now things are very different. 3 months on, Leeds have blown promotion, a feat even Father Dougal Maguire would fail to replicate, given Leeds’ healthy position at the start of 2010.
So what do the masses of Leeds fans do during their Easter Monday visit to Somerset? Certainly not travel to Huish Park and watch what will almost certainly be an embarrassing defeat to a bunch of 6-fingerd inbreds.
Living in the West Country, I have come up with a list of ‘Things to do in Somerset’ for my friends from the north…
1) Visit a cider farm
Cider may have gone up by 1000%, but that tax doesn’t apply to the farms hidden off the country roads. No tax man is going to question an angry farmer armed with a pitch fork. Before you start drinking, a word of warning – Somerset cider is not like Tetley’s. If you drink too much, you’ll wake up five days later, naked and tied to a cow shed somewhere in Shepton Mallet.
2) Ride a yokel
As long as you don’t approach from behind, these can be trained like the dragons on Avatar. Just don’t take out of Somerset as this causes their head to explode.
3) Cause a riot
A short way from Yeovil, and in fact just outside of Somerset, is Bristol. Look for the meanest, hardest pub you can find – I suggest starting in Hartcliffe (pronounced ‘arrcliff) . Then wear either a Cardiff City or Swansea City football shirt. Bristolian’s are notorious for their hatred of anything representing Welsh football. For added violence, wear an Alistair Darling mask and ask the bartender if he is adding on the extra tax on Thatcher’s Gold. Warning: This may lead to serious injury or death.
4) Wind up a Manchester United fan
They say you are never more than 6 feet away from a rat. In Somerset, the same can be said about Manchester United fans – they’re everywhere. As Leeds supporters are invading the county, may I suggest bringing the local ManYoo fans a gift. You could also remind them the Carling Cup is not a real competition and, like Leeds, they won’t win anything else this season.
This evening, I have been studying The Bible to see where in The New Testament it states that those celebrating Easter can stay in bed late, eat lots of chocolate, drink alcohol and watch football. When I find it, I know I will have pleased God.
Having seen Bath City play on Good Friday, I was left with a free Saturday for the first time in a while. My dad’s neighbour, a die hard Bristol City fan, was away on holiday for the Easter break so lent us his pair of season tickets, so we could go to Ashton Gate and see the second best team in the West Country.
I hadn’t been to Ashton Gate for four whole years before this weekend; my last visit being in 2006 for a then League One fixture against Nottingham Forest. Ironically, Forest were City’s opponents again, however this time it was in The Championship.
I wouldn’t say Bristol City are my second team, or even my third, let’s call them my fourth team… basically I have a soft sport for them, prefer them to Bristol Rovers and wish them well. Therefore, I was able to join in with the vocal home fans in supporting the team, however didn’t have the anxiety and worry I usually experience while watching Bath, Leeds or England.
We arrived at the game relatively early. With limited parking spots around Ashton Gate and being very much non-regulars to the stadium, we wanted to allow enough time to get to the ground. I was assured, as season ticket holders we would be allowed access to the members only bar, where we would dine upon caviar and champagne…. OK, maybe a cheeseburger and a pint of Blackthorn.
Upon entering the ground and working out how to use the season ticket card scanner, we realised we could not find the elusive drinking venue. After searching the whole of The Dolman Stand and being questioned by a rather suspicious steward, we came to the conclusion that the member’s bar was actually outside the turnstiles.
Not wanting to risk going in and out of the turnstiles and past the scary electronic card scanner, we decided it best to eat with the everyday folk. This actually turned out to be OK. I went for a Chicken Balti Pukka Pie. Being at a West Country football club, I probably should have ordered a pasty, but living very much in the South West myself, I have frequent access to fresh supplies of pasties anyway.
The pie was ‘gert lush’ as they would say at Ashton Gate. I will pass on my findings to Bath City and suggest they start selling such delicacies themselves. Should they take up my idea, expect me to be a few hundred quid worse of and a stone heavier come 2011.
The Forest faithful
Now the boring bit… the match report. I’ll keep this brief. I am fully aware that not all of you who read my blog actually like football and if you have come this far, well done indeed!
Bristol City and Nottingham Forest drew 1-1. The same scoreline as my last visit in 2006. Both goals were of top quality. There was controversy late on when Foreset substitute, Nathan Tyson, took out Brizzle’s goalkeeper, Dean Gerkin (yes, like the thing you find in your Big Mac).
There was handbags, angry fans and a stretcher for Mr. Gerkin. The home faithful were justifiably angry, with one supporter behind me shouting in a broad Bristolian accent “If Tyson scores, I will run on the pitch and knock him out”. The unnerving thing being, I believed him.
I did enjoy my trip to Ashton Gate. Hopefully it won’t be another four years before I get to see Bristol City again.
I thought it nice of Bristol City to thank me personally
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
