Claire took a deserved break from her household and nursing duties, to spend an hour at a friend’s house. I suspected she had returned when I heard the front door open. I knew she had returned when I heard her let out a terrifying scream. Considering that I hadn’t attempted to cook cheese on toast in her absence, and thus destroying the kitchen, Claire’s blood-curdling shriek must have meant one thing… a spider.
My assessment of the developing perilous situation, by the front door, was correct. Claire had eye-spied a spider. The next question I posed would be the most critical. Any arachnophobe will know exactly what this question is and how it is of paramount importance…
“how big is it?”
Based upon Claire’s scream, moments earlier, I knew that I wouldn’t like her response… “BIG!”
Now, when somebody responds with the word “BIG”, it isn’t always a bad thing – it all depends upon the question posed. For example, “What is your favourite Tom Hanks movie?” or “Which gangster rapper is believed to be ‘Notorious’?”. To answer “BIG” to either of those questions could, in no way, be considered a negative. Unless you’re a die hard fan of Forrest Gump.
To answer “BIG” to any question regarding a spider is bad. You could even say it is a big, big worry for me!
I started to scream. This lead Claire to start screaming again. Roman looked terrified. I don’t think he is frightened of spiders (at least he wasn’t before yesterday). Judging by his owners’ terror, Roman must have thought a man and rabbit-eating monster had broken into the house.
Claire ran to the kitchen to get something, which could be used to catch the spider. She returned with one of the largest utensils possible (although anything less would have been too small), a Sports Direct Mug. Whatever poor sod sent us this mug in the post may have only been on a zero-hour contract and had not gone to the toilet for days, but by supplying us with a grossly oversized teacup, had immensely helped Claire, Roman and I in our moment of plight.
Claire is normally very brave and quick at catching spiders. Since moving in with me, 5 years ago, she has been forced to deal with the beasties. However, in this instance the creature from the black lagoon was both too large and too fast, even for Claire, with all her expertise.
The only way in which the mug was going to be of any use, was if Claire either threw it at the spider, or made me an Irish coffee in it, to calm my nerves.
Claire had to resort to something we are not proud of (apart from Roman, who was all for the idea)… she had to kill it with bug spray. We both hate killing things, even spiders, but sometimes you have no choice. Before all the vegans start posting hate on my blog, let me ask you “would you kill a sewer rat if it was living in your kitchen?” Most people would. And isn’t “all life equal”? Case closed.
After getting sprayed, the spider ran to hide under my stairlift. Once sedated, Claire caught it in the massive mug (thanks, Mike Ashley) and released it outside.
Nightmare over. Or so we thought…
In all the excitement, Roman had kicked poop from his litter tray everywhere. If Claire thought that dirty protest was bad, she was yet to see my underwear!
The real Beast From The East
My transformation into a vegetarian has been in place for about 6 weeks now. From memory, the last time I touched meat was in August.
I have no intentions of changing back to a meat-muncher, despite eating the stuff for 20 years. For those wondering “why only 20?”, I had a spell of being a veggie in my teenager years, but lost all will power at 16, when I joined Bath College, which was minutes away from Burger King.
Despite my dedication to this new diet, there are still meats that I miss. There is little chance of me giving into temptation, as I would just think of my poor pet rabbit, while munching on a sausage.
Animal flesh I miss eating
- Big Mac
- Bacon sandwich
- Pepperoni pizza
- Mattersons sausage
- Wall’s sausage
- Roast chicken in gravy
- Burger King cheeseburger
- Nandos peri peri chicken
- Pork pies with sandwich pickle
- KFC chicken
- Haribo sweets (contain geletin)
- Milky Bar dessert (geletin)
- Chicken pies
- Hunters chicken
- Swartz Bros BBQ cheeseburger
I hope all those pigs, cows, chickens and, in some cases, rats, are happy that I have sacrificed some of my favourite foods, so they can live.
Being a Bath City Loner
I was first introduced to Bath City Football Club, by a friend of a friend. Owen lived in London, but was visiting his hometown of Bath. It was over a pint, one evening, that I was invited by Owen to join him and his Father, the following day, at Twerton Park – the home of The Romans.
My first match was against local rivals, Chippenham Town. Prior to that day, the only live football I had seen was following Leeds, plus one visit to Bristol City. Despite Twerton Park being hundreds of miles apart from Leeds’ home of Elland Road – both geographically and structurally – I loved the atmosphere, promising myself that I would return.
Return I did. The next time Owen was in Bath. We watched an FA Cup game. I managed to drag my good friend, Simon, along a couple of months later.
By this point, I was itching to attend as many home games as possible. The problem was, that I could not persuade any friends, colleagues or family to give up their time, alternate Saturday afternoons, to join me in standing on a cold terrace, watching 22 men chasing a ball around a muddy field, in what many would regard as amateur, compared to “what you see on the telly”.
I had fallen in love with Bath City and soon realised that the only way in which our relationship could grow and blossom, would be if I went to games on my own. I bravely started to go solo. I was a Bath City Loner.
So why do I not regret this? Besides making many friends, as well was witnessing two promotions and a memorable FA Cup run, I also met somebody very special…
Her name was Claire. We became close and it wasn’t long before Claire became my girlfriend. Almost 5 years later, I asked her to marry me. Luckily she said “yes”! Then, in 2015, while finally living together, we tied the knot, on the happiest day of my life.
That girl I first met in 2007, a fellow fan of The Romans, is now Mrs Kitson. We are very happily married, have bought a home together and own a little house rabbit named Roman… after The Romans.
Had I not been brave and made myself attend Bath City games alone, things would have turned out very differently. I certainly wouldn’t be married to the love of my life.
That is why I don’t regret once being a Bath City Loner.
It has been under 48 hours since we withdrew Roman’s supply of treats, and he is already behaving like a different rabbit.
He seems more calm and relaxed. Prior to the change in diet, Claire described his behaviour on some evenings as “psychotic”. Looking back, she had a point! Roman was a bit mad at times, but we just assumed this was because of this personality.
We have continued to feed Roman dried apple in very small doses. This was always his favourite treat anyway, and appears perfectly safe – afterall, it literally is dried up bits of fruit, without an C, D or E number in sight!
It’s pretty obvious that all these chemicals would be bad for a little bunny. Everyone knows that Peter Rabbit snuck into Mr McGregor’s vegetable garden. What Peter, Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail did not do, was break into Mr McGregor’s meth lab.
We have our weekly supermarket delivery this afternoon. I ordered Roman a pot of chopped fresh apple and grapes. I intend to feed a small amount of the fruit to our bunny, to see if he enjoys it. If he does, the much healthier fresh fruit option will then be used to reward good behaviour. If he doesn’t like what’s on offer, it’s back to being Psycho Roman… or maybe try him with a bit of kiwi fruit and banana.
WARNING: The longterm effect of Tangerine Twizzlers on rabbits
… at least partially for Roman.
We recently started Christmas shopping for our bunny. One of the pressies we bought our furry cherub was an advent calendar. This meant that when Claire and I opened our daily dose of chocolate, Roman would get some too… and before anything is said, yes, two adults in their 30s do still have an advent calendars.
What shocked and disturbed us yesterday was when we discovered the ingredients within the festive treat. While the calendar claimed to be “sugar free”, it was not made clear that the bunny chocolate contained saccharin and a number of strange sounding additives.
Needless to say, the calendar will be returned for a refund. Roman will have to do without his Christmas chocolate. We’ll give him one of Rudolph’s carrots, or something..
We also discovered that most of his treats contained various ingredients, which sound to have been made in a science lab. Poor Roman won’t be getting any more – instead, we will increase his diet of fruit and vegetables.
I remember that as a child, my Mum was concerned about foods containing additives, artificial sweeteners and nasty weevils. I tried to eat the food anyway and generally still do.
Therefore, I find it ironic that I’ll happily consume chemicals myself, yet ban my rabbit from eating them!
As part of my protest, I reviewed the advent calendar, on the Pets at Home website…
The back of this calendar states that there is no “added sugar”. What is not made clear, or stated at all on this website (where we bought this) is that the calendar contains saccharin.
The “chocolate” also contains the following additives (again, these are NOT mentioned on the website) Sorbitan Tristearate, Lecithin, Polyglycerol Polyricinoleate – as well as a number of flavourings.
Pets At Home are clearly happy to sell this to unsuspecting owners. I wonder if the instore vets at Vets For Pets are aware that this product is on sale.
I gave this 1 star. I would have given 0 if there was an option.
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
