Last night I did a bad thing. I cheated. I feel just like Ryan Giggs. Maybe I’ll keep my confession a secret, stop writing this blog, take out a super injunction and get myself a hair transplant. Sod it, I’ll come out with the truth…
Yesterday, I committed adultery. Takeaway adultery. For years I have been going to Pizzarella as my local pizza shop. However last night, I was persuaded by Simon to go to another fast food outlet – Sloppy Joes. I ordered pizza. To make things worse, I enjoyed the pizza. It was really nice. If the crazy, but loveable chef at Pizzeralla is reading this, I am sorry!
Yesterday evening, I met Simon and John for a fun-filled evening of Eurovision and retro gaming in the form of Super Bomberman 2.
We first had to save Simon from a hard day’s work at Sainsbury’s. While waiting for him to take advice from Gok Wan and change from his uniform into some eveningwear, John and I browsed the supermarket aisles.
The Fashion Guru
I accidently ended up buying a few bottles of cider, the biggest England mug in the universe (it’s probably larger than the World Cup itself) and a multipack bag of Walker’s World Cup crisps. These crisps supposedly reflect a flavour from every competing nation. England’s being Roast Beef & Yorkshire Pudding, with the USA getting associated with Cheeseburger flavour… the Yanks must be so proud.
I am yet to see the other flavours, but suspect France have ‘Frogs Legs & Snails’, South Korea to be given ‘Dog Steak’ and Argentina, with inspiration from their manager, Diego Maradona, ‘Hand Baked Cocaine’
Mmmm... dog crisps
On route to Simon’s, we stopped at the local Italian takeaway for pizza. While waiting for our food to be cooked, we saw two local English lads working in the kitchen get berated their fiery Italian manager. I believe the scenes witnessed were similar to that of those in the England dressing room, where John Terry and co. receive a telling off from their boss, Fabio Capello.
1 pepperoni pizza, please!
While eating our pizza, we watched Eurovision. Tacky trash as always. How could Greece afford to enter? How did Iceland manage to get there through all the ash? Why did the UK bother? The one pleasing aspect of the contest was watching the German entry singing in English. I think that shows who won the war!
The best Eurovision song ever
After watching a load more awful songs, a handful of dodgy costumes and far too many unshaven armpits, we decided to play Bomberman. Tiredness and the unfamiliar atmosphere of Simon’s house caused me to play a little less than satisfactory. I believe Simon claimed 5 victories from 5 games. As I struggled to stay awake, while being blown up by Simon’s bombs, John yelped and screamed with excitement/rage/frustration as he too fell victim to the deadly explosion.
The evening was rounded off by watching highlights of the League One Play Off Final (which Millwall unfortunately won). Watkins, who is the world’s most anti-football fan, giving his expert analysis on the match and questioning the mental state of the overzealous supporters and players.
Typical Millwall fans
After his very generous gesture back in January, Sky Sports News presenter and general cool guy, Jeff Stelling, offered to take my friends and me out for pizza and cinema again. OK, it wasn’t Stelling personally; John works for Sky and was given the vouchers as a gift – obviously from Jeff himself who had been admiring his work from afar.
We started the evening’s proceedings at Pizza Express. I went for the good old Pepperoni. Simon decided to have a pizza called Etna. Despite his pizza being named after one of the most impressive and active volcanoes in the world, Simon was a tad surprised to find his pizza was rather hot. This led to him picking chillies off his sizzling dish and nibbling at the base like some kind of squirrel.
When he finally finished his pizza, Simon was left with a pile of chillies on his plate. Not wanting to offend the chef, we suggested he should finish his meal like a good little boy. Unsurprisingly, he refused to eat the red hot chilli peppers. It time to play mind games…
Simon is a massive Arsenal fan. His team haven’t been doing too well in recent times and haven’t won a trophy in 52 years. I informed the poor Gooner that if he did not eat his chillies, Arsenal would not win a single honour ever again. Amazingly, this seemed to work, and Simon devoured the chillies.
If Arsenal do indeed win a trophy in the next 5 years, it is not down to the managerial skills of Arsene Wenger or world-class talent of Emmanuel Eboue. No, it was because on the night of Saturday 11th April 2009, Simon Goater ate a pile of chilli peppers.
After the pizza, we travelled to Longwell Green in Bristol where we went to the cinema to watch The Boat That Rocked. A film set in the 1960’s and based on a ship in the North Sea broadcasting pirate radio. I really enjoyed it, especially all the instantly recognisable British actors who filled the excellent cast list.
Last night, Simon, John and I had an evening out, fully paid for and courtesy of Sky Sports’ very own Jeff Stelling. Well – kind of…
Like Mr. Stelling, John works for the Devil, AKA BSkyB. As part of working for this company, along with selling your soul to Rupert Murdoch, you are apparently given free vouchers for Pizza Express and Odeon cinemas.
Therefore, John took Simon and me out for free pizza and a film. Very nice of John and his colleague, Jeff!
The pizza was very nice, although took ages to arrive. I ordered the Diavolo – a favourite of mine. The only problem with this pizza is that it is very, very spicy. This meant it took a long time to consume, and I was left with a plate full of chillies which had fallen off the pizza and were simply too hot to eat by themselves.
After eating, we made our way to the cinema. John was very keen to see Slumdog Millionaire. I had never heard of it and very arrogantly thought I would rather see the new Jim Carey or Adam Sandler film. As John’s voucher was getting us into the film, I didn’t have much say in the matter.
The film was one of those low budget, foreign art movies – as I suspected. What I didn’t expect, however, was that it would be brilliant. Unbelievably, last night was the only time the Odeon in Bath is showing the film. I don’t known if the Little Theatre will be getting it, but I highly recommend it to anyone.
Thank you Johnny and thank you Jeff Stelling for a good evening!
For the third time running, the local bakers sold out of pasties. I had to make do with pizza. I tell a lie, they were selling ‘Jamaican Pasties’, but they sounded strange and were probably filled with rice, peas and curried goat… I didn’t fancy that.
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
