Posted by sean on February 18, 2020 at 9:24 am in Shopping with No Comments

I couldn’t help but notice a new commemorative coin, which has gone on sale.

The new coin is in the style of a fifty pence piece, although I do not believe it to be legal tender.

The coin depicts the mass murderer, Jack the Ripper.

Now, I am aware that many of his crimes date back over 130 years and still manage to fascinate people from all over the world, but let it not be forgotten, the man did brutally murder many innocent women.

I can only assume that the justification for releasing such a coin, is the age of the killer’s crimes. I therefore wonder that if in the year 2120, there will be a similar collectors’ coin, featuring Fred and Rosemary West…

Posted by sean on January 15, 2020 at 9:23 am in Shopping with 1 Comment

These cupcakes are incredible, it’s unreal. They are so good, that there must be something wrong with them.

A drugs warlord named Franz Sanchez, has probably snuck cocaine into the mixture, or something else equally sinister.

Posted by sean on December 17, 2019 at 11:33 am in Shopping with No Comments

I received an email from Amazon yesterday evening, advising that they were carrying out a product recall on a brand of hot chocolate pods, which I had purchased a few weeks ago…

The product you purchased is affected because it may contain plastic fragments from the pod. If you still have this product, please throw it away immediately and do not use it. There is no need for you to return any product to us.

When advised what to do, should I discover any plastic in my beverage, the email went on to say “don’t blog about it too loudly, or everyone will want some!”.

OK, OK… in case any of Amazon’s lawyers are reading, that last bit was made up. But if you want a legal battle, I’ll happily see you in court to discuss the three boxes of hot chocolate that I have already drank and the amount of plastic inadvertently consumed.

Do I have a case? What say you, Judge Rinder?

The funny thing about the whole issue is the error message received, should you click onto the old link to the hot chocolate product…


Posted by sean on September 2, 2019 at 11:12 pm in Me Vs. The World, Shopping with No Comments

I must admit, I was a little surprised by the two delivery men, who dumped a box, presumably holding our mattress and not a dead lion (it certainly looked heavy enough), on our bed, before fleeing the house. They couldn’t have got away faster!

Would it have killed those two burly gentlemen to unbox and fit the heavy, bulky double mattress for us? Did they not notice the wheelchair ramp and stair lift? It was clear I’d be of as much help as our pet Netherland Dwarf rabbit. That left Claire to deal with all the lifting and shifting on her own!

Claire did manage to succeed, where two apparently strong delivery men from AO failed. The mattress is now on our bed, from where I am blogging, while Claire sleeps.

Initial impressions for me are good. Only time will tell if this mattress works out long-term for the two of us. If not, I’ll be phoning Dr. Walter Palmer, to ask that he deals with it. Dr. Walter is the the dentist who famously murdered Cecil the lion in 2015. Therefore he has history of taking out lions. Poor Simba.

As for AO, be warned about Laurel and Hardy – the pair of otiose so-and-sos sent to “help” us today. Let’s just hope old lady Eiffel doesn’t get the two berks, when it’s time to deliver her aga cooker…

Posted by sean on September 1, 2019 at 9:09 pm in Shopping with No Comments

Tomorrow looks set to be an exciting day in Château de Kitson. We will be taking delivery of a brand new mattress.

Our current mattress is six years old, and has served us well for over 2,000 nights sleep. It has started to become uncomfortable and needs replacing.

Normally a new mattress would be the most boring things you could ever purchase – second only to toilet roll – and something even I couldn’t spin a blog post from. However, this is no normal mattress. This one shares its name with a Walt Disney character. No, it’s not King Louie or Jiminy Cricket.

My thinking was, why replace a plain and boring mattress with another plain and boring mattress? It would feel like throwing money away.

I was therefore able to convince Claire that it would be a good idea to spend a bit more money on a mattress, which is nice to sleep on.

Instead of chucking our money down the drain, we would be giving it, plus a bit more, to a craftsman capable of making us a nice mattress…

You must have seen the TV advert…

A thing of beauty, isn’t it!

Clearly it costs a bit more than your regular mattress, which is advertised by a hippopotamus and a duck, but just look at its name – ‘Simba’!

I’ve seen enough nature documentaries to known that lion cubs sleep very well…

Hippos and ducks, on the other hand, wallow in rivers and muddy swamps. If I wanted a nights kip to that standard, I’d book into a Holiday Inn – based upon personal experience, for any lawyers reading.

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