I may have only juat returned work, following a 5 month absence, but I am already plotting a way to get away early…*
The video game, Red Dead Redemption 2, is out today and I can’t wait to play it. The last time I was this excited about a game’s release date was Grand Theft Auto 4. I went to Asda to collect it at midnight. The only reason that I am not doing the same with RDR2, is because… I am now married, I now have a life, I now enjoy sleep and I am now no longer a virgin.
Just to emphasise just how excited I am about the game – I pre ordered it from Amazon in 2016. All those nerds who queued in Asda last night are now saying that I have “out-geeked” them – and they would be right.
The prized game will no doubt arrive while I am at work. It’ll be a long wait until 4.30pm, when I finish for the weekend.
I therefore need an lie, I mean EXCUSE, so that I can leave the office early…
- Tell everyone that I have to attend a clinic for genital warts.
- Make up an elderly relative who I am very close to, just never mentioned. Then say that they’ve unexpectedly died.
- Say that I am needed in an emergency, in my second job – a male prostitute.
- If the above fails, actually soil myself.
- My mate Tommy Robinson needs me to be his character witness in court.
- The “second job” excuse again. This time, a dog sperm collector.
- My rabbit has a rash all over his body and needs to go to the vets this afternoon.
- My neighbour’s dog has a rash all over his body and needs to go to the vets this afternoon.
- I have a rash all over my body and need to go to the vets this afternoon.
- I had relations last night and need to collect a morning after pill.
- My cryogenic freezer is going to be delivered today.
- I am getting married this afternoon.
- I am in court for bigamy this afternoon.
- I’ve left the gas on.
- I’ve left the electric fire on.
- I’ve left the freezer on.
- I kneed 2 go 2 a klass 2 inprove mi Inglish
- My head hurts.
- My hair hurts.
- My toe nails hurt.
- My horse needs to be taken to some water and made to drink.
- I am on the run and have a $10,000 bounty on my head.**
- I need to collect my sedation pills.
- I really need to collect my sedation pills.
- I F***ING NEED MY F***ING PILLS, RIGHT F***ING NOW.
- I am going to win the lottery tomorrow and need to collect my winnings.
- I have a trial at Liverpool.
- I’m on trial in Liverpool.
- My grandmother needs me now. She wants me to show her how to suck eggs.
* in case any of my colleagues are reading this, firstly GET BACK TO WORK! Secondly, of course I’m not really planning on ways to bunk off early! I’m far too gutless for that.
Hurry up, Pat, or Jess gets it!
So, within just 30 days, I broke my New Year’s Resolution. I didn’t blog. It was my original aim to blog every day. 31st January – I failed. I missed the next day too. I was tempted to backdate a couple of posts, but I’m not that much of a cheat!
However, it was an email from Amazon which thankfully reignited my inspiration for blogging. The email advised that the sequel to Red Dead Redemption – one of my favourite video games of all time – was to be released in October. I had pre-ordered the title in December 2016 – almost two years earlier!
I knew very little about the original Red Dead, when I ordered it in 2010, but upon playing it, instantly realised that I had almost overlooked this gem, which is effectively Grand Theft Auto, on horseback, in the Wild West.
That was back in the days of my PlayStation 3. I now have it’s bigger, better looking brother – the PS4. Can you now see why I am this excited?
I recently bought myself Crash Bandicoot for the PlayStation 4. This is a great buy and excellent value, with effectively 3 games for £30. The three titles are revamped versions of the originals, which appeared on the PlayStation 1, almost 20 years ago.
In the short time I have played the game, I’ve made a few observations…
1) The PS4 version is incredibly hard. I am told by a fellow gamer that Crash jumps differently to what he did originally (presumably because he has aged by 20 years). I cannot remember finding the games this difficult when I was a teenager.
2) Crash Bandicoot is a tad racist. Along with the lizards, snakes and other jungle wildlife, Crash also kills some dark skinned people, brandishing spears and shields. You could just about get away with that in the 1990s, but now…
3) You can fall 100 feet from a platform and suffer absolutely no ill effects. However, if Crash falls into a stream of water, it is instant death.
4) It has taken me until now to realise that Crash Bandicoot is a little bit of a rip-off of Donkey Kong Country. DKC was selling really well in the mid-90s, so Sony clearly needed their own jungle based platform game. Simply swap Donkey Kong (a gorilla), for Crash (a bandicoot). Change all the bananas for apples. Retain jungle enemies, although change a bit, to avoid getting sued by Nintendo. Instead of riding a rhino, ride a pig. Use different camera angles, to show off the power of the PlayStation, which was brand new technology at the time.
… guess who forgot to pay their hosting fees? They have now been paid, but as a result, my website was down for the last two days. Did you miss anything? Unless you wanted to read stuff from the past 13 years, no. I haven’t blogged since New Year’s Day. Until now…
Since my injury, I am still using the crutch during my recovery. I have been attending Bath City home games without any difficulty, although have avoided travelling on the coach since September. Claire still goes to many of the away games. Today, Bath City were playing Oxford City. However, it was absolutely freezing everywhere. As sure as eggs are eggs, the game would be off. Did Oxford mention anything on their website or Twitter account? Did they hell. This meant Claire had to defrost her car, drive to her parents, pick them up, drive to Twerton Park, wait in the cold for the inevitable announcement that the game was off. It was. My wifey returned to me, under an hour after she left. Looking a tad pissed off and very cold indeed.
Sir David Attenborough confirms the Oxford City pitch is frozen and unplayable.
Remember when I got Grand Theft Auto 5? It was way back in 2013. I must have blogged about it. Anyway, I didn’t finish it, despite absolutely loving the series. The fact the PlayStation 3 was dying, resulting in the fan sounding like a jet engine kind of put me off playing the game. Over three years later, I am actually pleased that the PS3 did snuff it. I am finally an owner of a lush looking PlayStation 4, and guess what… GTA5 is on that too – and it looks even better than the PS3 version! I am therefore enjoying driving about Los Santos, stealing cars and killing people. It sounds atrocious, but it is the most fun since I inflicted life threatening, third degree burns on Dr Robotnik, on Sonic The Hedgehog.
Leeds are still doing worryingly well. Every time I think they’re going to slip up, they end up winning. The Mighty Whites are on Sky tonight (we’re always on Sky these days), against Barnsley. Kick off is in 11 minutes, so I had better wrap up this blog, find a few images to stick to it and upload the whole lot to WordPress.
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
