Posted by sean on December 21, 2007 at 11:49 pm in Shopping, TBA with 3 Comments


I had the rather unpleasant experience of visiting Sainsbury’s this evening. A trip to the supermarket is nasty at the best of times, and made worse by the fact Christmas is just days away. As the shops are closed for two days over the holiday period, and everyone is confined to their homes; people stock up on excessive quantities of food and drink; as if we were on the brink of a nuclear war, and had to live in bomb shelters for 12 months.


THE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING RUSH CAN ONLY BE LIKENED TO THE THREAT OF WAR

The shelves were depleted, while the aisles were grid-locked with trolleys and annoying customers chatting and browsing aimlessly – getting in my way! I find a sharp bash to the back of the foot with the trolley wheel gets the herd moving (what lovely Christmas spirit).


THE TROLLEY WHEEL. ONLY A GUN MOVES SHOPPERS FASTER.

I managed to get all my shopping done, surprisingly with as little stress as possible (considering the crowded conditions). I do, however, have a few complaints. I will be airing these to my friend, Simon, who works in Sainsbury’s and is a top ambassador to the supermarket.

1) Why was I not allowed to use my trolley at the self-service checkout?

2) I found a number of Coca Cola bottles had some disgusting oil/pig-fat/wax residue on them. Is this normal? The strange fluid went all over my hands. I had to wipe myself on a female store assistant’s uniform – she was fucking livid.

3) When buying bananas, I always check them for spiders. What I didn’t look out for, was quality of fruit. Only when arriving at the checkout did I find them to be as soft as baby shite and inedible. I left them on the floor by the checkout. Did anybody slip on them in a comical manner after I left?

4) I see Sainsbury’s have donation boxes for charities. Why is it that there is more dog food in the animal shelter trolley, than there is “people food” in the collection for tramps? Do shoppers care more about animals than hobos, or is the Pedigree Chum fed to the crusties? As tramps like drugs, I donated a box of Lempsip.


TRAMPS LOVE LEMSIP

5) Why are Pringles so addictive? Should they carry a warning, or be upgraded to a Class B drug?


PRINGLES – A GATEWAY DRUG

Over to you, Simon.

3 Responses to Supermarket Stress

  1. D.Sgusted

    December 22, 2007 - 9:47 pm
    1

    The image you refer to as a 'TROLLEY WHEEL' is actually never found on shopping trollys as it is in fact, a lockable castor.
    This flagrand disregard for accuracy means I shall never be reading your excuse of a blog again. Goodbye.

    Mr D. Sgusted (Wimbledon)

  2. Anonymous

    December 23, 2007 - 11:59 pm
    2

    Thank-you kind sir for fighting such heresy.

  3. Josh Morgan

    January 7, 2008 - 3:39 pm
    3

    tad extreme … but?

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