With the football season all but over, I thought I would dish out a few awards and congratulations to some teams and people in English football – as well as reasons why…

Firstly, well done to Cambridge United on their promotion back to the Football League this afternoon. No doubt Stephen Hawking is dancing on the streets. Why am I praising them? Well, they gave me one of my greatest memories as a Bath City fan…

No, my greatest memory wasn’t of a half-naked man, it was of the half-naked man (Kaid Mohamed), scoring a last minute goal against Cambridge United, to give Bath City their first away win in the Conference Premier. A moment all Cambridge fans will no doubt try and forget, but one I hopefully never will.

My second congrats go to Mr. Arsené Wenger and his Arsenal boys. They finally won a trophy, for the first time in 90 years. “Why Arsenal?” you are all no doubt shouting at your PC screens. Again, my fondness towards a team I don’t support comes from one of my own clubs inflicting misery upon them – in this case Leeds United, when big Mark Viduka scored late on, from an offside position, to deny Arsenal the league title and keep Leeds in the Premier League. Maybe he shouldn’t have bothered. Arsenal’s defeat meant Manchester United won the league instead, and Leeds went down the following year anyway, after an absolutely dog shite season, which saw us lose 6-1 to Portsmouth. 6 fuckin’ 1 to PORTSMOUTH!

Finally, a lifetime achievement award. This highly prestige award goes to a man who, not only has had a very successful year in the world of football, as manager of a top flight club; he has also starred in a Hollywood movie. Despite the limelight, he likes to keep himself to himself and hasn’t let the fame go to his head. The down to earth man can even be found in his local greasy spoon café, located in the streets of East Yorkshire, on Monday mornings… and afternoons. And Tuesdays, in fact. Wednesday’s too. Indeed, whenever you want to catch this man, just pop into Billy’s Breakfast Bar and you’ll find him. Manager of Hull City and star of Ghostbusters 2, where the played The Marshmallow Man, it can only be, Steve Bruce.