Picture the scene. Leeds United’s first game of the season. The players of both Leeds and their opponents walk out onto the pitch, followed by the physios, coaches and managers. The rival fans let out the all too familiar chant of “Who are ya? Who are ya? Who are ya?” Only this time, the Leeds fans join in. This is no jovial banter, with the Leeds supporters mocking their opposite numbers. These Leeds fans are singing it at their own side, or rather, their new manager, Dave Hockaday… Who?

The third Mitchell brother. Presumably not good enough for EastEnders.

Mr Hockaday, who under a year ago was sacked by Forest Green Rovers, is set to take over the hot seat at Leeds United. That’s right – he was at Forest Green Rovers. Not Blackburn Rovers, not Doncaster Rovers, not even Bristol Rovers. He was at FOREST GREEN Rovers, where he was dismissed for being too shite. Yup. Too bad for non-league, and now he’s coming to Leeds. Jesus wept. Unless Jesus is a Manchester United fan, in which case he would laugh until he became incontinent.

The word on the street (well, Twitter), is that he won’t be the manager, instead, Cockaday will be the coach. The manager will be the new owner, Massimo Cellino. It is said Cellino wants a ‘yes man’. Somebody he can boss about. His very own Waylon Smithers. By hiring a nobody, he can do this. Doesn’t help Leeds though, does it. If Cellino wanted somebody who says “yes”, he should have hired The Man from Del Monte.

Still, all is not lost. Cellino has a history of sacking managers in his time as owner of Italian club, Cagliari. Hopefully this means Hockaday will be long gone by the time we start opening our advent calendars.